


Coming Up for Air

by Hamliet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Crimes & Criminals, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Mystery, Romance, Slow Burn, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-05-31 21:32:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 57,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6488161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamliet/pseuds/Hamliet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey Jakku went to work expected a typical 12 hour shift at Niima Coffee Post. Instead, she found herself dealing with an old man asking for family advice, a boy terrified about quitting his job, a hit-and run, a lost dog, and a rude young man--all of which drag her into a power struggle with implications for her past and future. Modern adult AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost and Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> A few weeks ago I was asked me to write a story based on the song "Just Like Heaven," by The Cure, and the story kind of snowballed from there from a drabble to a full-length story. It's a modern AU, but unlike my previous AUs, they're all adults. I hope you enjoy!

**You**

**Soft and only**

**You**

**Lost and lonely**

**You**

**Strange as angels**

**Dancing in the deepest oceans**

**Twisting in the water**

**You're just like a dream**

" **Just Like Heaven," The Cure**

* * *

"What d'ya have, kid?" The old man's new to Niima Coffee Post for sure. And bound to be disappointed.

Rey sighs and points above her head. "Standard. Coffee, iced or hot; lattes; cappuccinos…" She recites the same list she's been reciting every day for years. And still, it never ceases to amaze her how many people are apparently incapable of reading a simple menu.

"I'll have a large iced. Milk, two sugars. Chewie?" The man turns to his friend, a man with a massive beard and flowing locks. And what kind of a name is _Chewie_?

"Same as him," growls Chewie.

"Right." Rey rings in the order. "Six thirty-five."

"Damn expensive," grouses the first man, digging in his jeans for his wallet.

"It is D'Qar, sir. Everything's expensive."

His mouth curves in a smile. "You aren't wrong about that, kid."

Rey takes his card and slides it through the scanner. "What's your name? For your cup."

"Han."

"Just a second." Rey leans back, scanning behind the counter for Teedo. _Dammit_. Her lazy coworker clearly can't be bothered and must be on his eighth cigarette break in a four-hour period.

Rey mixes the coffees herself and brings them over to the table Han and Chewie are sitting at, where Han's shaking his head. "So close. So close," Han says. "I _know_ he was there."

"Coffee?" Rey squeaks, interrupting.

"Thanks, kid."

Rey scoffs. "I'm not a kid. I'm nineteen."

Han's eyebrows rise as if to say she's just proved his point. He studies her, rubbing his chin. "What's your name?"

"Rey."

"Rey," Han repeats, glancing at Chewie, who sips his coffee and grimaces.

Rey shrugs as Chewie gives her an _are you kidding me_ sort of look. "I don't buy the coffee beans."

"Are you in school, Rey?" Han questions.

"Don't have the money for that," she says quickly.

"Are you happy working here?" Chewie asks, voice deep and rumbly.

Rey blinks. Why would someone ask her that?

"Sorry, I—"

"No, it's fine." Rey glances over her shoulder. Is she _happy_ here? She almost laughs. Why would her happiness matter? "It pays my bills." Barely. And given her landlord's insistence on raising her rent, she'll be cutting it close this month. But Rey knows better than to ask Unkar Plutt for a raise.

Chewie gives Han a pointed look, and Han exhales and pulls something out of his pocket. "Listen, k—Rey. Tell me one thing."

The door slams, and Rey sees Teedo come back in, glaring at Rey as if _she's_ the slacker. Teedo's got no respect for anyone. "What?"

"Chewie and I are having an argument here. If you had tracked down an estranged family member, would you confront them?"

 _Whoa_. Rey wasn't expecting anything like that, and yet the notion of estranged family members burns at her heart. "Yes. Of course." _I'd give anything to hear from mine._

"See?" Chewie counters, sipping his coffee and wrinkling his nose.

"Sorry," Rey apologizes again. She thinks of her own parents, of the voice as the only part she remembers of them. _I'll come back._

They didn't.

"No, it's fine." Chewie puckers his lips.

Rey nods.

"Here." Han pushes something into her palm. A business card. Rey turns it over.

"An old friend," Han explains. "If you ever want a different sort of job, give her a call."

_Leia Organa._

_Alderaan House_

"Thanks," Rey stammers, pocketing the card and scurrying back behind the counter just as her boss lumbers in from the back room.

He looks like a blowfish. Rey still isn't certain he doesn't have gills. "Teedo said you were chatting with customers."

Rey grabs a rag from a red bucket, scrubbing at a coffee stain on the counter. "I'm just trying to make sure they become returning customers."

"Hmph," Unkar grumbles, eyes scouring her up and down. He leaves without further word. Rey turns around to see if Han and Chewie saw that exchange, but they've already left.

"How long are you working today?" Teedo asks, picking at his nails. _Ew_.

"Same as you. Till closing."

"That's what, ten hours of work total?"

"Twelve." Eight down, four to go.

Teedo shakes his head and knocks over a pile of cups.

* * *

Two hours later, and Rey's literally juggling three coffee beans behind the counter. Only two customers inhabit the store—an old man with a beard straight out of _Game of Thrones_ or some monastery, and a rather dashing younger man with hair so thick and shiny Rey almost wonders if it's a wig. The younger one tipped her a full dollar and asked if he could bring his golden retriever in. For a full dollar in tip, he could have brought in crying six-month-old triplets.

"Gross," Teedo comments, scowling at the dog. Rey rolls her eyes and smirks as she watches the dog chew on the stale doughnut the man bought for the animal.

The door clanks open, and Rey jumps, dropping her coffee beans. "Shit."

"Pick them up when you're done," Teedo snipes, vanishing into the back again.

"Two cappuccinos," orders a woman, tall and imposing, her jaw set and her eyes dark.

"Coming right up," Rey says with a fake smile. She hears a little gasp and looks behind the woman to see her companion: a man who can't be that much older than herself, black and handsome—or he would be, if sweat wasn't running down his face and if his eyes weren't darting around as if he expecting giant lizards with razor-sharp teeth to suddenly burst out from the walls. _What's his deal?_

"Calm down," snaps the older woman to the man.

 _Not gonna help._ Rey bites her tongue as the espresso machine screeches. "Name?" she calls.

"Phasma," the woman answers.

 _Okay then_. Rey hands the cappuccinos over. "Don't burn yourself," she says lightly, watching the man, who manages a slight smile at her.

Teedo returns again, reeking of stale smoke, and Rey leans on the counter, watching the anxious man argue with the tall woman— _his girlfriend? No_ , Rey isn't getting that kind of vibe. Across the shop, the man with the dog grins wider and wider with every phrase the monk-like man utters.

What could they be talking about? Probably far more exciting things than she's ever talked about. Rey sighs.

"You can't quit!" Phasma finally shouts, and Rey's so startled she drops her broom with a clatter.

The man says something Rey can't decipher, and then he strides out, Phasma swearing and running after him. Rey straightens and shrugs at the dog owner and the monk, who both rise to their feet.

"Have a good night," the dog owner tells her, waving as he strides out the door. Rey returns to sweeping. Her shoulders ache.

Tires squeal, and Rey hears a thud, and a scream. "What the—"

Teedo gapes at her, and they both fly out the door.

* * *

"I can't believe you're this pathetic," Phasma snips.

Finn's hands shake. The panic that grips him—it won't let _go_. "I can't, Phasma. Not anymore."

"You could be _great_. You could be—"

"I don't want to be!" Finn shouts at her.

Phasma flings open her car door. "Get in my car."

Finn shakes his head. "No can do, Phasma."

She huffs, her classical music playing soft and sickly sweet. "Get _in_. Don't be stupid."

" _No_."

"What are you gonna do, walk home?"

"Yeah, what about it?" Finn snaps. Or take a bus. Something. Anything.

"You're disgusting, you know that? After all we've done for you—"

"Shut _up!"_ Finn claps his hands over his ears, not caring how much of a child he might seem like, because he is a child just learning to walk. He might be twenty-three, but they've essentially treated him like a brainless tool for the past six, almost seven years, and he can't _do_ it anymore. He's broken.

Phasma's lips move as if she's swearing at him as she slams the door shut and revs up her engine. She glares back at him, her mouth still moving, and then there's a slam and a shriek.

"Oh my God!" Finn yanks his hands away from his ears, anxiety still tearing at him as he dashes towards the car and the body lying a few feet from it. " _Shit_ , Phasma!"

"He stepped right in front of me!" she yells as she gets out of the car, her hand over her mouth.

"He's alive," Finn confirms, grabbing the man by his wrist. A leather jacket lies crumpled nearby. Clearly the man had been carrying it. "Hey. Hey. Wake up."

"I'm out of here." Phasma ducks back in her car.

"You can't just leave him!" Finn shouts at Phasma, the woman who's invested in time… her time, her money, and now he's letting her down because he _can't_ become what she wants him to become.

In response, Phasma speeds off into the night, leaving a howling dog and an unconscious owner. Is his leg broken? Finn crouches beside the man, who stirs and moans.

 _God,_ this man looks like a Hollywood star from the 1940s or something. Even with the gash down his temple.

 _Work, brain!_ "I'm calling for help," Finn promises the man, digging in his pocket and dialing 911.

The dog whimpers and licks its owner's face. The old man who was this man's companion clearly left before Phasma hit this one.

"Hey," the man croaks as Finn gives the operator information. "What—"

"Don't move," Finn orders. "You've been hit by a car."

"The hell?" groans the man, trying to move his leg. He blinks.

"Don't—"

The man gasps and even in the night streetlights, Finn can see his face graying.

"The ambulance is on its way," Finn promises. "You're gonna be fine."

The man squints up at him. "What's your name?"

"Finn. I'm Finn."

"Good to meet you, Finn. I'm Poe, Poe Dameron." Poe almost smiles and then grimaces.

"What happened?" shouts another voice. Finn looks up to see the coffee girl, the one with her hair in three buns.

"Hit and run," Finn calls.

"Is he all right?" The girl comes closer, close enough for Finn to see coffee and jelly stains covered her beige apron.

"I'm going to be," Poe mutters. "I… got to be."

"Who did this?" the girl demands.

"Uh—I don't know," Finn stammers. He doubts Niima Coffee Post has security cameras. He can get away with it. And as much as he needs to get away from Phasma and her toxic company, he can't turn her in. Not yet.

"Did I hit my head?" Poe rasps.

"If you're asking me, probably," Finn tells him, realizing that his breaths are coming naturally, normally. He's not struggling to suck in air for the first time in almost two hours. He's not going to die. Neither of them are.

Sirens wail, and blue and red light spills over them.

"Get back inside, Rey! Or Unkar will be pissed," warns the other coffee employee, short and withered.

"Good luck," the girl calls, casting both Poe, now surrounded by paramedics, and Finn a glance with trembling lips before she ducks back inside.

"Take care of my dog?" Poe requests as he's loaded in the ambulance.

 _The hell am I going to do with a dog?_ Finn wonders, but the dog woofs and gets to its feet, barking after Poe. Finn's hand, almost involuntarily, reaches down to grab the dog's leash.

"His name's Beebee-Ate!" Poe shouts before the ambulance doors shut.

The police have questions, of course, but Finn knows how to lie. He's been lying for years, to himself, to Phasma, to his company, to his colleagues and _everyone_.

 _Just one last lie,_ he tells himself.

At least the police prove useful for one purpose: they give him a ride back to his apartment, Beebee-Ate in tow. Finn climbs the steps to his place, realizing he's going to have to move out soon unless Phasma finds an unexpected streak of mercy within her. Given her actions tonight… nah. Won't happen.

Beebee-Ate snuffles and Finn's hit with a wave of shock. _Oh, shit._

He has no way of getting this dog back to its owner.

* * *

Rey's had a pretty messed up day, and when the clock hits 10:55, she's done, five extra minutes or so be damned. Rey grabs the lukewarm coffee pots and heads for the backroom to dump them as the door clangs.

 _You can't be serious!_ Rey stifles a scream of frustration and whirls around to face whatever asshole thinks he's entitled to coffee at almost eleven at night. She sets the pots down with a clank. "Can I help you?"

The man at the front of the counter towers over Rey, and his face is so sensitive she regrets her harsh tone. He's young, and his eyes look almost alarmed. "What can I get for you?" she stammers.

He smoothes his hair, which looks like every emo kid's dream hair: black and thick. Rey swallows as he focuses his gaze on her.

"Was there an old man in this shop earlier?" he demands.

"What?"

He rolls his eyes. "An old man. In this shop. Niima… whatever it's called."

"An old man? There are a lot of them," Rey informs him, sympathy and intrigue gone vanishing like that. _He's an entitled asshole, after all._ She crosses her arms. "You'll have to be more specific."

He huffs and digs through his black overcoat, pulling out what looks like a surveillance photo of the man who met up with the dog owner. Now the hit-and-run victim.

"Is this about the hit and run?"

"The what?" He blinks, lips opening slightly. Large lips.

Rey licks hers and curses at herself. "You a cop?" she asks.

" _No_."

His answer takes Rey aback. She looks into his eyes. "Then why are you asking me?"

"It doesn't matter, girl."

"Well, that's condescending, _boy_ ," she informs him.

"I didn't mean to—" He blows out his breath. "Look. I need to find this man. Can you help me, or not?"

Rey hesitates. "Can you show me credentials or something?"

" _No!"_

Rey steps back. She doesn't care how attractive he is. His questions are creeping her out. "I can help you get coffee, but that's it."

"So you haven't seen him?"

"Decaf or regular?"

He straightens up, raising his lip in a sneer. "I wouldn't drink the shit you serve in this place if you paid me."

The clock strikes eleven. Rey's jaw drops, and maybe it's the knowledge she's technically no longer on duty, maybe it's this man's entitled rudeness combined with the fact that he's not a customer, or maybe it's the craziness of her entire day. Whatever it is, she grabs the cooling coffee pot and throws it at his face.

He gasps, looking at her in complete shock, bangs saturated and brown liquid dripping down his face. His chin trembles as he splutters.

 _What did I just do?_ Her mind swims. "You got decaf," she informs him before running out back.


	2. Get Beebee-Ate Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Horrible Bosses: D'Qar Edition.

"Finn, we know you're in there!" shouts Nines, one of his teammates. Ex-teammates.

Finn still can't believe he's left FO Tech Industries. He went to college on one of their scholarships, procured by Phasma, helped recruit for them, and now he can't face one more day at work. And it's not even their fault. It's _him_.

He presses his face into the pillow, trying to breath, such that air down into his lungs, but his lungs won't fucking _work_. Googling _how to stop a panic attack_ is not actually that helpful.

" _Finn!"_ howls Nines, slamming on the door, and the sound— _bang, bang, pound, bang, pound_ —ricochets off the walls and targets Finn, slamming into his brain like bullets. Like the bullets he saw on the news, killing people. Bullets made by FO Tech. Supposedly sold illegally to criminals. Not just supposedly though. Nines joked about it when they saw that news report, and Finn felt a sickening twist in his heart, that his friend could joke about so much death, and when Finn asked Phasma, she didn't even attempt to deny it.

And all he could think as he witnessed a man on TV wailing over his dead family members—or was it just friends? Finn will never know—is that he had a hand in killing them. By working for the company that sold to the killers.

_Go away, go away!_

Something wet snuffles against Finn's arm, and he blinks and jerks upright to see that stupid dog with its paws on the bed.

"Get _off_ ," Finn mumbles.

The dog leaps on the bed and settles down next to his torso, resting its head on Finn's arm, and despite the fact that he knows he shouldn't let the dog on his bed, Finn buries his face into its fur. He strokes its back, running his fingers up and down and concentrating on the bumps in the dog's spine, on the softness of the dog's thick coat, on anything but the racket Nines is raising.

He can't stay here. Not when Phasma showed up last night and Nines this morning. He needs to get _away_.

Eventually, it quiets. Nines gives up, for now. The dog groans and Finn pries himself off of the bed, digging through his fridge to give the animal some cold cuts.

He could call the hospitals. The dozens and dozens of them spread around D'Qar. He owes it to Poe to bring him back his dog. Beebee-Ate. _Weird name._

Or he could go back to Niima Coffee Post, ask if one of the workers knew anything about Poe Dameron. Because Finn googled the guy's name and found next to nothing. Not even a Facebook page.

Maybe Poe's a regular customer at that trashy coffee. Everyone from FO Tech avoids Niima Coffee Post—a junky place straddling the line between an upscale hotel and business neighborhood and essentially a ghetto. The unliklihood of running into any of his coworkers is precisely why Finn wanted to go there yesterday. _Avoid them_.

_If no one will be there, you can go back and ask._

"C'mon, Beebee-Ate," Finn says, attaching the dog's leash again. "We're going to find your owner."

The sun beats down on Finn's head as he exits the bus and strides down the street, Beebee-Ate panting by his side. It's way too hot out today. And he's not at work, inside FO Tech's air-conditioned offices.

He'll never be there again. _I can't kill people. Not directly or indirectly._

Finn pushes open the coffee shop door and sees the same girl as the night before. She waves. Finn glances over his shoulder, certain she's got to be waving at somebody else, but no, she's waving at _him_.

"Get that dog out of here!" barks an obese, bald man with a nose like a squashed pig's snout.

"It's okay, Unkar," calls the girl. "He helped last night with the hit-and-run."

"That doesn't have anything to do with that filthy—"

"I won't be long," Finn manages.

"Tie it outside," Unkar orders, and Finn knows he could argue, but he doesn't want to get the girl in trouble. He ducks back outside and obeys. Beebee-Ate whimpers and stares after Finn with bleeding dark eyes.

"Don't look at me like that," Finn grumbles as he reenters the shop, the scent of stale coffee wafting over him.

"What can I get you?" the girl asks, leaning over the counter.

"Um—well," he stammers. "I'm trying to find the dog's owner. Poe Dameron. I don't know what hospital they took him to, and I don't have any other way to reach him. Dog's tag doesn't even list his number."

The girl frowns and brushes an escaping strand of hair from her face. "Okay…"

"Do you know him?" Finn asks hopefully.

The girl shakes her head, pressing her lips together. "I'm sorry, I don't. Last night was the first time I've ever seen him."

"Fuck," Finn groans.

"Hey, you can call the hospitals, yeah?" she suggests.

"Yeah, of course." Finn claps his palms to his face, trying to rein in his breathing. _Not again._ How many panic attacks can he manage to have in one damn day?

"Hey, you okay?" the girl queries.

"Fine."

"No, you're not. Take a seat." The girl rounds the counter and takes him by the arm. Her touch is gentle as she leads him to a table. He drops into a plastic chair that digs into his spine by the windows. Even with the AC, the sun smashes its hands against the window, threatening to blind and burn him.

"Hold on." The girl vanishes, and Finn presses his hand over his mouth. He's trying to do something good for once in his life, trying to help someone by calling 911 and caring for the frickin' dog, and he can't even do that right. He's useless.

"Here you go." The girl slides a small iced coffee with so much cream in it that it's a beige shade instead of brown.

"I don't want—"

"It's free," she says, peering at him. Her eyes are hazel, and she looks at him with sympathy, not judgment. She doesn't know who he is. For all she knows, he could be _good_.

"Can you _do_ that?" he asks.

She shrugs. "I get one free drink per shift. I don't feel like coffee today."

Finn sips it. The coffee has a husky aftertaste, but that's okay. It's sweet and it calms him. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Can't have a dog in your place or something?"

"Or something. I'm moving. Soon. I just quit my job, and yeah. I need to move."

"Can't offer you anything in terms of housing, but if you're looking for a job, we're probably hiring," the girl offers, glancing back at Unkar, who's currently cursing and spewing spit at the espresso machine.

"Uh… no thanks."

She smirks. "What's your name? And your number? If I hear anything from that guy, or the one he was here with, I'll call you."

"Finn." He grabs a brown napkin and she produces a pen for him to write down his info. "What's yours?"

She smiles. "I'm Rey."

* * *

Kylo Ren strides down the hall towards the CEO's office. Everyone he passes nods their head in respect, and he doesn't care, because he knows Snoke will by no means give him any respect or approval. Not today. He doesn't deserve it.

At least Snoke doesn't know about the coffee girl throwing the pot in his face. He still can't believe she did that. Okay, he wasn't exactly being polite. But couldn't she get fired for that? Although given the reputation of that place, maybe firing her isn't the best move for her boss to make.

 _You scared her._ Kylo clenches his fists. He hadn't meant to, but that tip about Lor San Tekka came at the least opportune time. He hadn't meant to take it out on her, but he needed that information.

_And you failed to get it._

Still, something pinches in his stomach as he thinks of the way she scowled at him, the hurt in her hazel eyes when he insulted her coffee shop.

"Shut the door," Snoke commands in his ghostly voice. Kylo obeys and takes a seat opposite his boss. Snoke folds his arms, leaning against his black desk. The entire room is done in shades of black and gray, with metal bookshelves and metal frames for the window. Cold. And intimidating.

"Well?" Snoke prompts.

"I couldn't find anything on Lor San Tekka."

Snoke swears. "You know that means he's probably with your uncle already."

"Maybe." Kylo has to offer that slight doubt. He has to.

"If he manages to convince Luke Skywalker to get involved, we'll be done for. The entirety of FO Tech Industries is at stake, Kylo Ren. The media's already having a field day."

"I'll take care of it," he promises.

"That's what you said two days ago."

Kylo focuses on paralyzing every muscle around his eyes, around his mouth save his tongue. Snoke can't see that his words sting. "It's just taking… a little longer. I'll still take care of it. I've never let you down before."

"We shall see." Snoke leans back. "We shall see." He ponders Kylo for a second, the hazy light of afternoon wafting over him, making his skin look almost translucent, as if Snoke's rotting while still alive. He rises. "There is one more thing."

"What's that?" Kylo cranes his neck to look up at his boss.

"I have it on good authority that your father hired Lor San Tekka not just to look for your uncle, but to look for _you_."

Kylo blinks, unable to stop it. _He cares? Why now?_

"And he might be working on getting access to our conference next week."

"I won't allow that," Kylo insists, glad Snoke can't hear his pulse throbbing in his ears like Kylo can. _He means nothing to me._

Just as Kylo means nothing to his father. If he did, surely his father would have found him by now. It's been almost thirteen years.

"Indeed." Snoke's hand closes in on Kylo's shoulder as he leers over him. "You won't." He releases Kylo and sighs. "Go confer with Hux. Oversee the final preparations."

"Yes, sir." Kylo rises and nods, almost as if he's bowing his head to Snoke, before rushing out to find his sour companion.

_Your father's looking for you…_

_Why now?_ Why does he suddenly care? Kylo hasn't seen Han Solo's face since he was a teenager, and, at twenty-nine now, he doubted he'd ever see it again.

 _Why_? Kylo doesn't head directly to Hux. Instead, he slips into the bathroom and leans against the wall, closing his eyes. If his father's looking for him, does that mean his mother is too? Are they back together?

She needs to stop, if she is. But she won't. Once that woman sets her mind to something, she accomplishes it, and this terrifies Kylo. It fuels his need to find his blasted uncle.

So many questions, and Kylo knows he can't afford to get the answers.

* * *

The moment the old, monk-like man enters the coffee shop, Rey leaps to her feet, racing back behind the counter. "Can I help you?" she calls. Her eyes sweep him up and down, wondering why the other man was looking for him the day before. He carries a peaceful aura with him—the complete opposite of the frantic energy of the man she'd thrown her coffee into the face of.

"Why yes, maybe you can," the man says, smiling gently at her. "I'm here on behalf of the young man I met with yesterday, Poe Dameron. He was hit by a car—"

"Is this about the dog?" Rey interrupts.

He nods. "Yes, indeed."

"A guy was in here earlier—the same one who called 911. He has the dog. Poe told him to take care of it. He left me his number in case—"

"Excellent." The old man's fingers tremble with age as he draws a slip of paper out from his pocket. "Here is Poe's contact information. If you could tell the younger man to get in touch, he'd greatly appreciate it."

"Um, okay," Rey stammers. "Or you could—"

"I'm heading away from town for awhile," the man interrupts. "Poe will appreciate it."

"Someone came in after you left," Rey calls as the man turns away from the counter. "Yesterday night, right before closing. A young guy, with dark hair."

The man stiffens, and Rey wonders if he knows exactly whom she's talking about. "I didn't tell him anything," she clarifies, excitement stirring inside of her, as if she's participating in some great mystery she'll never know anything about, but it's larger than her all the same, and that's thrilling.

He casts her another smile. "Good luck." And he leaves. Rey frowns. _Good luck?_

She ducks out back, leaving Teedo to manage the front as she calls Finn to tell him what she's found out. "Hey, um, it's Rey. From Niima Coffee Post."

"Rey!" Finn's voice lifts, and Rey can't stop a grin from spreading over her face as she details what the old man said.

"Oh, that's great!" Finn gushes. "Thank you so much, Rey!"

"Welcome." She leans against the oversized sink, turning the spray on just because. "Well… bye."

"Bye." He hangs up, and Rey stares at the receiver. He's the first person who's ever seemed excited to get a phone call from her.

"Talking on the phone?" Unkar scowls as he lumbers past.

Rey explains about the dog, and he shakes his head. "I could dock your wages."

Her jaw drops. "Teedo takes eight smoking breaks _at a minimum_ per shift!"

"Teedo's been here lots longer than you, girl. You're always chatting with customers, giving away free drinks—"

Rey shoves her phone back in the pockets of her baggy pants. "That was only today, and it was _my_ free drink! The allotted one."

"Just because I allow you one doesn't mean I expect you to take it!" Unkar bellows.

Rey shakes her head in disgust— _is he for effing real right now?—_ and heads back out. Unkar's hand closes over her arm. "What the hell?" she shrieks.

"Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you, girl!" He shoves his face close to hers, and Rey smells something stronger than coffee on his breath. _Whiskey?_

"Let go of me!"

"Fine. I'll let you go." Unkar shoves her away. "You're fired."

"What?" Rey squeaks, the fire in her stomach simmering into ash. "You can't do that!"

"You're fired."

"But I have rent due next week!" And she needs the paycheck from this week and the next to make it. She sees the glitter in Unkar's eyes, the way his lips flap open and closed, and knows he wants her to beg. Begging will probably work.

She won't do it. She can't.

Rey unties her apron and throws it down on the table, striding out of Niima Coffee Post.


	3. Too Good to be True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If something seems too good to be true... it usually is. But neither Finn nor Rey have another option.

"Come on, Beebee-Ate," Finn croons, tugging at the dog's leash as he prepares to head towards the apartment complex Poe's given him directions to. He grabs Poe's jacket with his other hand.

Finn can't help but admit to himself that he'll be sad to see the dog go. In the long hours of the afternoon, before Rey called, Beebee-Ate proved a welcome distraction from the whirlpool of anxiety constantly threatening to pull him down and drown him.

Fin unlocks his door and exits, Beebee-Ate trotting along. He waits for the elevator, and as it dings, he sees Nines.

 _Oh,_ shit _._

"Finn!" Nines reaches for him, and Beebee-Ate growls. "What the hell's your problem, dog?" Nines snaps before turning his attention back to Finn. "You didn't really quit, did you? You're way better than that."

"I did," Finn manages. "And I have to go now."

"Why would you do that? Did another company offer you a better—"

" _No_ , Nines," Finn snaps. "I can't work for a company that kills people is all."

"We don't kill people!"

"Bullshit. We create the—"

"Big difference, Finn."

"You saw the kind of carnage our weapons can cause on the news, Nines. How can you—" Fear scurries down Finn's spine, wraps around his midsection and squeezes into his lungs. It's taking him over, and he's powerless to stop it.

"You're acting like a whiny little bitch," Nines scoffs. "Grow a pair and—"

Beebee-Ate lunges forward and bites Nines in the calf. Finn's former friend howls and kicks the dog, which yelps and darts behind Finn.

"You sick—"

Finn doesn't want to listen to the rest of Nines' diatribe. He takes Beebee-Ate's leash and dives into the elevator, frantically pressing the _close door_ button.

 _They're going to keep coming,_ Finn thinks as he rides down. _It's like they're part of a goddamn cult._

He sprints out of the elevator and into the searing afternoon heat, Beebee-Ate panting alongside him. Finn flags a taxi, telling himself that while he's technically unemployed, he won't have to worry about money for a few months, and gives the driver Poe's address.

Poe seemed genuinely happy to hear from him when he answered the phone. _Of course he's happy, to be getting this dog back,_ Finn thinks as he rubs Beebee-Ate's golden head. "Thanks, buddy," he murmurs to the animal. He'll miss the dog. He'll miss having someone comfort him when he's spiraling in this void of _what the hell do I do now_.

Poe buzzes Finn into an apartment complex that, while not nearly as fancy as Finn's own, has character to it in a way than Finn's definitely does not. While Finn's apartment building is all sleek designs, decorated with modern art and all its misshapen people and splatter paintings, Poe's has wooden floors and a rather comfy looking bench nailed to the floor.

 _Apartment 2187_ , Finn tells himself. Seems like a rather large number for a building Finn doubts has more than twenty apartments. He knocks on the door, and it swings open.

"Hey! _Finn!"_ Poe throws his arms around him, startling Finn. "And Beebee!" He reaches down to pat his dog, leaning against a crutch and with one leg in a brace.

"Your leg doing okay?" Finn queries.

"Yeah, it's just—hey, you wanna come in?" Poe hobbles back and Beebee-Ate bounds into the apartment.

"Sure." Finn ducks inside, taking in the living room, comprised of amusingly mismatched furniture—poofy blue couch, a Victorian teal loveseat, and a leather armchair. _I like it,_ he decides. "Here's your jacket?"

"My jacket?" Poe frowns. "Oh, right. Nah, you keep it. I already bought myself another one. You want tea or coffee or something?"

"No! I mean, shouldn't you be resting?" Finn gapes at Poe, who grins roguishly at him. Finn feels heat rising up the back of his neck.

"I'm fine. Not even on painkillers anymore." Poe collapses into the armchair. "Just taking today off work."

"Where do you work?" Finn asks.

"Ehh… I do some freelance stuff."

"So you're a journalist?"

"Not exactly. More like a... consultant. Of sorts. I'm currently working alongside a nonprofit. Run by Leia Organa. You heard of her?"

"Who hasn't?" Finn smiles, but his stomach hurts. Leia Organa's organization vocally condemned FO Tech Industries. On numerous occasions. _She was right,_ Finn thinks.

"How 'bout you?" Poe questions.

"Um—" Oh, what the hell? He's already lied to Poe and to the cops about who hit Poe. He doesn't want to lie to him anymore. "I'm unemployed. I mean, as of yesterday. I quit my job."

"Why?" Poe leans forward. Beebee-Ate chews on a bone.

"I worked for FO Tech," Finn admits.

"Hoo boy." Poe grins. "Congratulations on quitting, then."

Finn smiles for the first time. "Thanks. I just—after the news about our—their—weapons being used by all those horrible organizations, I couldn't." Even though their CEO insists they didn't sell to them. Finn has his doubts. He's seen enough shadiness in that workplace. And then, there's Phasma's silent confirmation.

"So are you an engineer or something?" Poe asks.

"Yup. FO Tech paid for my education and all. I grew up as a foster kid and they visited high schools, recruiting kids like me—who wanted to do engineering anyways—and offered us the chance to apply for a full scholarship, provided we agreed to work for them when we graduated for five years. I broke my contract."

"Oh shit," Poe says, eyes widening. "So are they gonna sue you or—"

"I don't know. They're showing up at my apartment. Multiple times today. And yesterday. They probably won't stop until I agree to go back or they drive me literally insane." Finn laughs, but it's not a funny or a carefree sound. It's like glass shattering.

"Wow," Poe muses. "Well, I mean, it's not in engineering, but if you want a job—I'm sure Leia Organa will find a place for you in—"

"No," Finn says quickly. "But thank you. I need to find my own job. On my own." He's twenty-three. He can be his own person, dammit.

"Might be harder than you think," Poe warns. "Offer still stands."

Beebee-Ate leaps onto Finn's lap, almost crushing his legs. Finn gasps.

"Beebee, come on now," Poe coaxes the dog off of Finn.

"It's okay," Finn says. "Do you know he bit one of my colleagues—former coworkers? Dude came to harass me and called me a—well, it doesn't matter. Beebee-Ate bit him."

Poe cackles, slapping the thick arm of the chair. "Doesn't surprise me. That means Beebee definitely likes you, though. He's very protective, and I swear he understands English."

Finn doubts that's scientifically possible but decides not to bring up the point.

"Is it safe for you to go back?" Poe presses. "I mean, I don't want to seem rude, but I've heard sketchy, sketchy things about that company."

"They're not going to put a hit out on me or anything," Finn jokes. "But yeah. I am looking to move. Maybe I'll get a job somewhere other than D'Qar. Move there."

"That could be months," Poe points out.

Finn shrugs. His chest tightens at the thought.

"Look, I'll just straight up ask you," Poe says. "I need a roommate."

"What?"

"I need a roommate," Poe repeats, the early evening shadows falling across his face.

"You need a roommate," Finn repeats.

"Yup, I do. Actually, I need two, but one will help out enough for now." Poe hesitates. "My old roommate, actually the guy I met for coffee the night I got hit, moved out. Recently, and he was paying for two. We work together, kind of, and he's... moving on from our job. There are three bedrooms, although one of them's pretty small. I mean, I'm good for rent for several months, so it's not a pressing concern, but I don't want to be... I don't do well with the quiet." He grins, and Finn can't imagine this gregarious soul doing well at all with silence. Loneliness is the cruelest torture, and this Finn knows well.

"Would you consider it? I mean, it's not much, but it's a good price for the area and the size of the place." Poe gives Finn a price. "And if you find a job somewhere else in a month or so, that'd be fine."

"You hardly know me," Finn points out. "Why would you offer this?" The last time he was offered a deal too good to be true, it was FO Tech offering him a full ride to college. It _was_ too good to be true.

"Uh," Poe laughs. "Because I can tell you're a trustworthy guy?"

Beebee-Ate jumps off of Finn, and Finn hopes his legs are bruised. He deserves it.

"I mean," Poe says. "You saved my life. Or at least got me help. I appreciate that. And I might be hoping you have juicy details on FO Tech, okay, I admit it. Working for Leia Organa makes me curious about that place," he adds hastily.

Finn laughs. "Don't hold your breath. I was like the lowest ranked person there."

He should be able to find his own place to live, too. But the prospect of not having to deal with Nines and Phasma and the rest of them… it's too good to be true.

But Poe's looking at him so earnestly, and he's already admitted his ulterior motive, and God, this couch is comfortable.

"Maybe," Finn agrees, and Poe grins.

* * *

Rey stuffs her clothing and her phone in her backpack, because that's officially all she owns. She has to get out before her landlord orders the cops to drag her out.

_I'm homeless._

She heads to a shelter, hoping and daring her phone to ring with some coffee shop, some retail store from the dozens she's submitted applications to over the past week to _call_ her.

But her phone sits silent. The traitor. Not even the nonprofit that man had given her a card for will answer her pleas. When pressed with giving up her home or her cell phone, she chose to pay her cell phone bill for one more month, and it _needs_ to pay off.

"I'm so sorry, dear," the lady who runs the nearby homeless shelter tells her. "But we're fresh out of beds for the night."

 _What?_ Rey shakes her head. "How is that possible?"

The lady looks at her with pity. Rey dashes away from her, shame burrowing inside of her. _What am I going to do?_

In her rage, Rey kicks at a pebble and sends it flying into some innocent kid's leg. The child wails, and her mother glares at Rey.

"I'm sorry!" Rey squeaks as she rushes past, wiping at her eyes. She makes her way to a sandwich shop, where she spends some of the precious money she has left on her dinner. A cold BLT. Rey sits outside on a public bench as she eats. Maybe she'll sleep on this bench.

A fancy hotel looms nearby. Rey doesn't suppose they give charity rooms. _Fuck you, Unkar,_ she prays, wishing upon the stars starting to blink in the sky.

Rey walks around aimlessly, watching the streets crowd and then empty. She finds her way back to the same bench and curls up, but the metal bars dig into her legs and hips. Finally, she starts to doze, smoky thoughts and half-dreams clouding her mind, and then she realizes someone's putting their hands on her hip.

 _What the eff_? Rey's eyes fly open and she jerks to her feet to find two men leering at her. "Oi!"

"We jest—" one man starts, but Rey doesn't care. She punches him in the nose and kicks at the other man in the balls as he lunges for her.

"Get _off_ of me!" The first man grabs at her chest, and Rey bites him in his oily, soiled arm. He shrieks.

"Bitch is crazy!" They both take off like the blasted cowards they are, leaving Rey gasping and gagging on the sidewalk.

A black sports car pulls to the side of the road. _Probably a pimp,_ Rey decides, coming to kidnap her, since everything seems to be going wrong this night.

Instead, the last person she expects emerges from the car. "Are you all right?" And then his face caves in with horror as he recognizes her, and her heart stops and her face flushes. She does not want him, of all people, to see her in such a low place. She straightens her spine, determined not to give him any more satisfaction.

"Decaf boy!" Rey crosses her arms. "I'm fine."

"Decaf—" He narrows his eyes. "Were they mugging you?"

"Maybe. I doubt their intentions were so kind," Rey retorts, a lump in her throat.

He frowns. "Are you drunk? Do you..." He hesitates. "Do you need a ride home?"

 _What?_ Rey hunches forward again, her throat clogged when she tries to speak. She swallows. "I'm not drunk, and this _is_ my home." She waves her hand at the bench. Part of her wants to run away from this asshole, but he's a different sort of asshole than the ones that just tried to attack her.

He doesn't smirk. His mouth hovers open as if shocked, and Rey caves. "I lost my job."

"Can't imagine why," he quips.

 _And, there it is._ "Don't flatter yourself," Rey retorts. "It had nothing to do with you."

He shifts, crossing his arms. _Who the hell wears a black turtleneck in the middle of summer in D'Qar?_ Rey decides that's adequate enough a reason for her to hate him. Forget the compassion she thought she saw in his face earlier.

"Do you need a place to stay?" he ventures.

"I'm not a prostitute, thanks for asking." Rey settles back down on the bench. There is no way she's sleeping tonight.

"I didn't mean to—that's not what I meant at all." He comes closer, and Rey's suddenly staring up into his face. "I just—I'm sorry for being a jerk that night in the coffee shop."

"Well, that's fair," Rey acknowledges. Does she hate him because he was a jerk? Or does she hate him because she feels bad for throwing the coffee in his face?

"I can get you a hotel room, if you want," he offers. "Or you can come to my place, but I—not like that. I have a guest room. Several guest rooms."

"This sounds like the beginning of a murder mystery," Rey mumbles. But exhaustion weighs every limb, and she _would_ like to sleep without further worry about being raped. Nausea wells up inside her.

"A hotel room, then? Just for you," he clarifies.

"What's your name?" Rey asks, sitting upright.

"Kylo Ren," he answers, running his hands through his hair. "You are?"

"Rey Jakku." She leans against the armrest. _If you want to call it that._ The damn thing jabs into her, black paint peeling from the metal.

"Let me help you," he says, sounding uncertain.

"Why? How did you even find me?" she demands.

"I was—I have a conference to set up for. It starts in two days at the hotel over there," Kylo says. "I work late. I just—I saw those guys and—but you seem more than capable of taking care of yourself, even without scalding coffee," he finishes with a smirk.

"It was not _scalding_." His face wouldn't be intact if it was. But Rey can't help smirking. "Okay."

"Okay? What hotel do you—"

"I could just go to your place," Rey says quickly, because her mind's spinning ahead of her. If he truly isn't interested in her as any sort of hooker, then she might be able to extend his pity and play it for a few nights.

Kylo nods. "Okay." He motions to his car. "Climb in."

"I can't believe you, of all people, are helping me," Rey murmurs as he pulls away from the curb and speeds off. Her fingers trace the quality leather seats. Black. The AC hits her sticky skin and she relaxes. "I would have thought you'd be like: _haha, karma_. Are you just a regular knight in shining—er, dull, black—armor?"

"Not hardly." He almost laughs as he glances at her before returning his eyes to the road. "I live like a half an hour from here."

"'Kay." Rey closes her eyes and almost drifts off.

"Rey," he says at last. "We're here."

"'Kay." She grabs her backpack and climbs out of the car. "Good grief. You live _here_?" The house looks like an oversized bungalow with ivy climbing up the sides and a fence guarding the backyard.

"Yeah." He actively seems to work to avoid smiling as he leads her up the cobblestone driveway and into a side door. "I have three guest rooms… you can pick which one you want. Two are upstairs. One's on the first floor, but that one doesn't have its own bathroom attached."

"Holy fudge," Rey says, unable to conceal her awe. "Three guest rooms? Is it just you?"

He nods.

"Doesn't that get lonely, then?"

Kylo shrugs. His footsteps echo.

"I'll take one of the upstairs rooms," she decides, breathing in the obscenely clean air.

"Do you like green or white?" he questions as he leads her up a staircase.

"Green's my favorite color," she tells him, suddenly feeling like an ant that wandered into a fancy wedding feast.

Kylo opens the door to a room with green drapes, a green bedspread, and a walnut dresser. "Hold on a sec." He vanishes, and Rey's too afraid to move. She'll dirty this place up if she walks in any further.

"Here." Kylo reappears, offering her a black towel and a basket full of shampoos and conditioners and soaps. "I don't really keep this bathroom stocked."

 _A black towel?_ Rey bites down a snarky comment. "Thank you."

He nods. "My room's straight down the hall. The last door. If you need anything." He shuffles off, and Rey shuts the door. She locks it just to be safe, but strangely, she doubts she needs to.


	4. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's looking for something or someone. Finding it might be more terrifying than the search itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who's read and left kudoses/commented! I really do appreciate it. Much love.

Rey wakes up the next morning to a thudding sound. _Where am I?_

 _Oh. Decaf boy. Kylo Ren_.

She feels as if she's lying on a pile of clouds, but she pries herself out of bed and shimmies into her torn jeans and baggy v-neck t-shirt. Rey doesn't want to stay sleeping while he's awake, presumably downstairs. She doesn't want to presume anything. Rey pulls her hair back in its signature style, the style she's always worn, the style she likes to imagine her father putting her hair in before he left.

Rey bounds down the stairs, phone secured in her pocket. "Good morning!" she calls.

"Morning," Kylo greets her.

"Oh shit," Rey says as she notices the time. "Good… noon?" It's exactly 12:00. "Are you late for work?"

Kylo shakes his head. "I set my own hours. More or less, anyways. Do you like eggs?"

"Uh—yeah." She likes food. If it's food, it's good.

"You know," Kylo begins as he cracks several eggs in a pan. "I could talk to some people, see if I can get you an interview at FO Tech. If you don't have a degree it might not be much, but I'm sure they can find—"

"Wasn't that company on the news last week for like selling to cartels? Or at least rumored to be?" Rey asks as she hops onto a stool by a breakfast bar that looks like it's never been used. Or else Kylo just cleans everything immaculately. There aren't even any scuffmarks on the black tiles covering the bar. No, wait. She peers closer at the tiles. They aren't black. They're midnight blue. She likes it. She likes colors.

"Rumors. That's all." Kylo hands her a plate of scrambled eggs and watches with his eyes wide as Rey scarfs it down.

"Maybe," Rey allows around a mouthful of eggs. "I guess beggars can't be choosers." Although she feels squicky at the thought of working for a company like FO Tech. "How'd you get involved with them? Childhood dream, working for a weapons company?"

Kylo scowls, and his eyes dart away from her. "Long story. It's not—I mean, I can show you. It's a good company to work for. Great benefits—"

"Does that outweigh the moral cost, though?" Rey inquires. Not smart. She should shut her mouth right now, before this man kicks her out.

He bites his lip. "I've got to get to work. You're… welcome to stay. If you want. I'll talk to some people and see what they might have for you."

"I can stay for today?"

"Yeah."

"You aren't worried about me stealing from you or anything?"

His lips rise in a smirk. "You didn't murder me in my sleep, so not really."

"Thank you," Rey says as he nods and turns to head up the stairs.

"Can I use your pool?" she calls as she notices the sparkling aqua water glinting through the kitchen windows.

His eyebrows quirk upward. He nods. "You're my guest."

He leaves, and Rey wanders to her room and grabs the black bikini she got from Walmart last year. She really doesn't want to have to work for FO Tech. But she can't stay with Kylo forever, and to move out, she needs a job.

Rey swims lazily back and forth, diving underwater when she thinks of what could happen if she stays here. Kylo's attractive. She'll give him that. He's built, clearly, and his face is angular and unusual and draws her in. But he works for FO Tech, and she hates them. _Everyone_ hates them.

Rey's lungs ache, and she comes up for air and hears her phone ringing. "Oh, shit!" She hauls herself out of the pool and grabs it. Unrecognized number. Hope stabs her like the sun's rays—painful and exhilarating. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Rey Jakku?" asks a sweet lady's voice.

"Uh—yes, this is. Who—"

"My name is Leia Organa, and I run—"

"Alderaan House," Rey breathes, dropping onto a lounge chair, sopping wet. She forgot a towel. _Oops._

"Yes, exactly. I'm terribly sorry, but I was away from the office for the past week and just got your message. We're always looking for new people to hire. Would you like to come in for an interview tomorrow?"

"Yes!" Rey exclaims. "Yes, I would love that." She tempers her voice to sound less enthusiastic. _It's not an offer,_ she reminds herself. _Not yet._ "I should tell you I don't have a degree."

"That's all right. We'll talk tomorrow. Does three work for a time?"

"Yes, that works." Rey punches her fist in the air. She won't have to work for FO Tech after all! Well, hopefully not.

* * *

"So how are things going with that FO Tech roommate?" Snap Wexley, one of Poe's friends who works at Alderaan House, asks as he comes in with a venti iced chai from Starbucks.

"Finn's awesome," Poe says. Really the only concerns he has is that he's pretty sure his roommate has some kind of anxiety disorder. And that's concern _for_ Finn, not of him.

"He a roommate with benefits yet?" teases Jess Pava.

"That's not it at all," Poe retorts.

"Ooh, you're _blushing_ ," Jess crows, grabbing Poe's face and pinching it. He bats her away, laughing.

"Well, a lot of us think you should be careful," Snap warns. "I mean, it's a pretty big coincidence that you meet with Lor San Tekka, get run over by a car—"

Poe rolls a pen between his fingers. " _Hit_ by a car, Snap. There is a difference. I was not squashed like a pancake."

Snap shrugs. "Semantics. Anyways, then he rescues you, he gives you your dog back and has just left FO Tech and needs a roommate—I mean, when the whole—well, a major part of—the purpose of you finding Luke Skywalker is to take down FO Tech, then—"

"If you're trying to suggest Finn is some sort of spy," Poe drawls. "You should meet the guy. He's not." He grabs his phone, to text Finn and ask if he wants to meet them for lunch.

 _He won't, though_ , Poe realizes. _Finn's too scared._ He scowls and places the phone back down.

"That's paranoid," Jess rebukes Snap as she perches on Poe's desk, swinging her legs.

"Considering all that we're uncovering about Snoke, I don't think it is," Snap answers.

Maybe not, but Poe doubts Finn would have anything to do with it.

"He doesn't want to work for Alderaan House," Snap points out.

Poe laughs. "Because he wants to find his own job. You know FO Tech's employees are basically treated like slaves. I think it's a _good_ thing. For Finn. Branch out on his own."

"Agreed," Jess says, braiding her black hair. "Although if he wants something temporary with us, that could work. Something else for his resume."

When Leia Organa recruited Poe, he was disillusioned with his job, with the agency he worked for, with everything. Anything could be bought—lives, weapons, protection—and anything could be sold—lives, weapons, protection. The only thing that kept him from quitting was the fear of letting his parents down. Even though they're dead. Poe was twenty when he buried his father, and eight when his mother died in a mission with Luke Skywalker.

" _We've heard of you," Leia told him then, with a smile._ And they had—of his missions, of his exploits, and of his party-hard after work life. A hotshot in every sense of the term. They don't hold it against him, but Poe holds it against himself.

"We'll see. Let's get back to work," Poe says, straightening in his chair. He can't hit on his much younger, and much sweeter, roommate.

* * *

"I need to see Snoke."

Kylo pauses in the hallway at the sight of Phasma, one of the head engineers, arguing with Hux. "What's going on?"

"I want to see Snoke," Phasma repeats.

"Can you tell me what it's about?" Hux snaps, crossing his arms. His cheeks tinge pink, and Kylo frowns.

"That stupid kid. The one who quit on us."

"The one you should have managed better?" Hux retorts.

"Or the one _you_ should have examined better to make sure that he wasn't going to fall apart before you gave him a scholarship?" Kylo demands, glaring at Hux.

"She's the one who recommended—"

"And _you're_ the one who approved it and renewed it every year," Kylo snaps. "Our losses are on you here, Hux. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it'd be better to recruit people who actually want to be here—meaning, after college, not have teenagers sign some contract they barely understand."

"You son of a bitch," Hux snarls. "We've had absolutely no problems with my program—"

"He never showed any signs of questioning our work," Phasma puts in, as if she's the adult trying to placate two angry children. "Until that video leaked."

"Maybe we should focus on selling only to straight up—"

"You know as well as I do that our revenue comes from these types of deals, Ren," Hux snaps, crossing his arms. "Careful Snoke doesn't start to wonder about you."

 _He knows who my family is,_ Kylo realizes. He clenches his fists, shoulders aching. "I would be careful not to imply things you know nothing about."

"I'm talking to Snoke. See ya." Phasma soldiers past them. Hux is too preoccupied with glowering at Kylo to stop her.

"If you let that father of yours get anything on us at that conference," Hux says softly. "I will make sure Snoke finds out all about it." He spins on his heel and flounces away. Kylo hates him.

But Phasma has a point. If this engineer— _what's his name again—Finn_ —spills anything to the press… they're finished. They'll all go down. And Kylo's parents will find out exactly who he is and what he's been doing all these years, and they'll rub it in his face.

" _Be careful, Ben," his uncle once said to him. "Is this really the path you want to go down?"_

Kylo closes his eyes. He has to find Lor San Tekka. He has to find his uncle, or else everything will slip through his fingers.

The door slams, and Phasma stalks by with a scowl. She shakes her head at him.

"So tell me," Kylo begins. "How much did you pay the mechanic to fix your car and cover up your hit-and-run?"

Phasma stiffens. "It was an accident. And the man's all right. If he'd died we would have heard about it on the news."

"Did Hux comfort you?" Kylo mocks as her face turns red.

"There is nothing between Hux and me, sir," she informs him as she brushes past.

 _Sure, if that's what you call a one-night stand_.

But Hux's threats coupled with Snoke's wriggle into Kylo's brain and won't stop repeating themselves over and over and over. If his father does show up—what will he do? Will he run into his father's arms? Spit at the old man who never bothered to try and find out where Ben Solo ran away to? Demand to know _why now?_ Or teach him a lesson, as Snoke no doubt expects him to do, wants him to do?

Kylo marches into his office and sweeps a pile of binders off the desk, watching them flutter like birds and crash onto the floor. He buries his face against the desk.

If he does that, he'll become exactly what Rey thinks of FO Tech people.

If he doesn't, everyone will see him as an utter failure. Snoke could fire him. Or worse.

_There's no way out even if you want one._

The conference is tomorrow. He needs to pull himself together. _You're a useless piece of shit, whether you're Kylo Ren, or who you were before._

What will his mother think, if she knows who he works for? If his father knows, has he told her? Are they even speaking?

Their divorce is his fault, and Kylo hates himself for it. Although his mother's probably better off. Or so he tells himself every night he's sitting by the pool he never swims in, rum swimming through his brain and as he contemplates about diving in, just once, and never coming up.

"Sir?" Mitaka, that stupid plant of Snoke's that works as Kylo's secretary, knocks on the door.

"Come in." Kylo straightens, but he makes no apology for the mess on the floor.

Mitaka enters, sweat shining on his forehead. "You asked me to find a list of potential jobs for a girl with no degree?"

"Yes." Kylo relaxes. "What did you find?"

"Nothing."

Kylo crosses the room in one stride. He can't fail Rey. She's sweet and innocent, and she's spunky in a way he's never been. _"Find something."_

"Yes, sir," Mitaka squeaks. "I'll—uh, I'll—keep looking."

"Good." Kylo steps back, and Mitaka scurries away.

He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the windows. He looks like a ghost clad in black, someone pretending to be alive, pretending to breathe, pretending to be a bully and a nice guy when he's not really either.

 _Your subordinates need to fear you,_ Snoke would tell him. _If you ever really want to run this company._

He never figured it would leave him so goddamn lonely he plays movies he doesn't even watch just to hear someone talking, to let strangers' voices lull him to sleep.

* * *

Finn hears Poe come in. Four in the afternoon this time, instead of one in the morning like yesterday. His roommate definitely works the strangest hours.

"Hey," Poe says as he hobbles in and nods at Finn's open laptop. "How's job searching going?"

"I've written twenty-two cover letters today," Finn reports.

"God, can you even move your fingers after that?" Poe wrinkles his nose as he drops onto the couch. "Heard from anyone?"

"Not yet."

"You will." Poe grins, and Finn's stomach turns.

What if he doesn't? He hates sending out resumes with FO Tech Industries on it like a big red NO stamp to employers. He can't stand sitting at his new apartment and have panic attacks all day.

 _Speaking of which…_ Finn rises and heads to his room _. Focus on breathing. Breath in. Breath out. Inhale. Exhale._ Which sounds a lot simpler than it actually is when his thoughts are racing and colliding with each other, exploding and searing his mind. _Fuck!_

Beebee-Ate peers into the room and darts away.

_What if I never find anything? What if I let Poe down like I've let everyone down? What if Phasma's right, and the reason I quit has to do with me and not with doing the right thing, and I'm just a loser who can't do anything right and a coward who just wants to run and—_

"You okay?" Poe asks, peering around the doorway, Beebee-Ate peeking our behind his knees.

 _Dammit_. "I'm fine," Finn ekes out. No. He's not fine. He's losing his mind.

Poe disappears and Finn can't tell whether he's relieved or wants to scream. And then Poe reappears with a glass of water that he valiantly manages not to drop, even while hobbling on crutches. "Drink it," Poe orders, sitting down next to Finn and wincing.

Finn obeys. He always obeys. Although, this time someone's trying to help him, not wring more out of him.

Finn's breathing slows down. His heart rate drops. _I'm not going to die._

"You get these attacks often?" Poe asks.

Finn shrugs and sips the water. "Sometimes." _All the time_. "At first I thought that if I quit FO Tech, that would fix everything, but it's really—it's like my brain has all this free time now, and it's going haywire." Finn finishes the water. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Poe insists, gazing at him with his brow creased. "It happens."

"It's just weird," Finn mutters. "At FO Tech… from the time I graduated high school, it was like someone was managing my life, and I hated it. And now that no one is, I hate that too. I want to do something with my life that isn't hurting anybody, but I feel like I already blew that chance."

"You didn't," Poe states. "You definitely didn't." He cocks his head and studies Finn. "If being busy would help you… I can get you an interview with Leia Organa. At Alderaan House. You can work there for a time, while you're applying for other jobs. I mean, you'd be working for a fucking nonprofit. That's as far from hurting people as you get."

Finn laughs. "Maybe."

But really, what has he got to lose?

"You're not a bad person, Finn," Poe says quietly. "You wouldn't have left that place if you were."

 _Maybe not._ Or maybe the others are good people, too, just trapped. "How would you even know?"

"Well, you're my roommate, and Beebee-Ate likes you. And I think you've already seen what he does to people he doesn't like." Poe rakes his hand through his thick hair. "And I can kinda relate. I used to work for a—an organization that wasn't bad in terms of its mission, but wasn't great either. That's why I left."

"Where'd you work?" Finn queries.

Poe waves his hand. "Doesn't matter." He wraps an arm around Finn, and Finn's shoulders tingle. "Still wearing my jacket, I see."

Finn snorts.

"It suits you," Poe tells him.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to do this, Han?" Chewie asks as he pops open a beer.

"I _have_ to. Or else Leia will kill me." And it's more than that. Han will hate _himself_.

He's spent too many years doing nothing. Well, not nothing. He threw himself into projects, won prizes for his reporting, and it's all meaningless because every night he comes home to a lousy apartment he shares with his best friend instead of his wife. Every day he fielded texts and calls from other reporters, sources, and never from his son.

 _We lost our son!_ Han said to Leia once, tearing the words from his subconscious and throwing them out into the air. _He's gone. Forever._

_What if he's not?_

It started innocuously enough. Another reporter mentioned being thrown out and beat up by FO Tech's security team. When he tried to go public, threats appeared from everywhere. The reporter submerged himself back into silence, but not before giving Han a call.

His work with FO Tech brought him back to Leia. He never imagined it would bring him back to his son, but the more he dug into the company, the more he tried to trace contacts. Brendol Hux, Jr.—his backstory was easy to find. Snoke's, Han knows personally. But Kylo Ren—who was he?

Chewie figured it out first. Chewie broke the news, and Han still can't wrap his head around him. _How the hell did Ben get there?_

"I still don't understand," Han says aloud, to Chewie. How his son, always overly sensitive to everyone and everything, the boy who cried when his father accidentally hit a bird while driving, could work for such a cold-blooded company.

"It's not your fault," Chewie says lamely.

Han snorts. "Maybe it is and maybe it isn't."

"Everything's converging," Chewie observes. "This FO Tech investigation, your son, finding Luke. Maybe."

The first few days Ben was missing, thirteen years ago, Han assumed he'd show up. He'd come home. Leia worried more than Han did.

But a phone call never came, the doorbell never rang, and Han couldn't fathom what might have happened. Nightmares came, dreams Han's only told Chewie about. Fears that Ben was murdered randomly, and they'd never find him.

Three years of searching, and Han took down all the photos and Leia pitched a fit and threw him out.

Han left without a single photo. All he has is his memories of his son, and some days, he's not sure he can picture him clearly. What does Ben look like, as a man?

"If it doesn't go well…" Chewie ventures.

"I'll have tried." Han chugs the pungent liquid. "I owe it to Leia to try."

And he owes it to himself.

And to his son.


	5. You Learn By Losing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Finn and Rey, accepting help is a lot harder than giving it. For Kylo and Han, a confrontation brews.

**Daylight licked me into shape**

**I must have been asleep for days**

**And moving lips to breathe her name**

**I opened up my eyes**

**And found myself alone, alone**

**Alone above a raging sea**

**That stole the only girl I loved**

**And drowned her deep inside of me**

" **Just Like Heaven," The Cure**

* * *

When Kylo pulls into his driveway, his heart jumps. Rey's in there, and as strange as the situation is—he can only _imagine_ what Hux would say if he knew Kylo had taken in a homeless woman—he likes having someone to come home to.

"Guess what?" he hears her call out the moment he steps inside.

"What?" he asks, seeing her leaning on the breakfast bar again, a big smile on her face. Her feet dangle, bare.

"I got an interview. At Alderaan House. Tomorrow at three." She twists a strand of hair around her fingers. "From the director herself. Leia Organa."

_She has no idea._

Her words kick Kylo in the stomach, and all his hope drains. Forget FO Tech. She has a job prospect that aligns with her priorities, and her priorities aren't his. He swallows. "Well, if it doesn't work out, let me know." It will work out, though. Rey is exactly the type of person his mother loves to hire. Passionate and fun. Not serious like him.

He heads past her, towards the stairs.

"How was work?" Rey hollers after him.

Kylo pretends he doesn't hear.

He lies in his bed, unable to sleep.

When he first ran away, he was relieved he didn't hear from his parents. He got to stay with Snoke, learn all that he needed to know. And then as the months wore on, fears shouted at him in increasingly shrill voices: _they aren't looking for you. They don't love you. They're relieved that you're gone. It's what you always knew, isn't it? It's what you want, isn't it?_

_He means nothing to me._

At any rate, _he_ means nothing to his father.

Frustrated with tossing and turning, Kylo climbs out of bed and pads down the hallway. He sees the door to her room is closed. _Good_. Kylo wanders down the stairs and plunks down on a stool, waiting for nothing. For the night to recede.

"Hey," a voice says from the stairway. Kylo jumps.

"Are you all right?" Rey inquires, cocking her head.

"Why aren't you asleep?" Kylo asks.

"I can't. I have chronic insomnia, I'm pretty sure."

"Me too," Kylo says, watching her watch him and liking how it feels. "Did you get to go swimming earlier?"

"Mm-hm." Rey pulls up the stool next to him. "Thanks so much. I feel—I mean, I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you or anything. The moment I get a job, I'll find a place to live and—or I can even make sure to get to a shelter early, tomorrow, if you want—"

"No, no," Kylo interrupts. "I don't—I mean, you're welcome to stay here. Doesn't seem like you've stolen anything or threw a raging party for all your friends while I was at work, so—" He's trying to joke and isn't sure how to craft it. Should he tilt his tone up? Deadpan?

"I don't really have many friends," Rey admits. "I mostly worked. To make enough to live, I couldn't afford many days off."

Kylo can relate. "What was your goal?"

"Surviving." Rey shrugs. "And, maybe someday, college."

"Do you have any family?"

She shakes her head. "You?"

 _You're interviewing with my mother tomorrow._ "It's complicated. We're... estranged."

"I'm sorry." Rey's foot accidentally brushes against Kylo's calf, and something tingly shoots through his leg, up his thighs. She mumbles an apology and he doesn't want the apology; he wants to feel her again. Which is wrong of him. He remembers what he saw the night before—those two men, attacking a woman—and cringes.

"Are you okay after what happened last night?" he ventures. "With those guys?"

Rey shrugs. "I'm trying not to think about it." She covers her mouth with her hands. Kylo takes the hint and rises.

"Did you even have dinner?" she asks him.

 _Oh, shit._ "No. Did you?" he asks, suddenly panicked. "Or lunch? Did you have lunch?"

"I do have a minimal amount of cash left, so yes. I walked to a Subway."

"So... you're just asking about me?" _Out of concern?_ Kylo blinks.

She raises her eyebrows.

A hollow sensation gnaws at his stomach, a sensation he would have ignored if it weren't for her bringing it up. "I might make something after all." He thinks he has yogurt. And some fruit. "Do you want something?"

"I never turn down food." She says it jovially, but it makes Kylo cringe to think of the implications. "About your family. Why don't you contact them?"

"It's complicated," he repeats as he sets bowls down on the counter. "Some parents are just disappointments. They don't know how to be parents." Kylo does not want to think if what's going to come tomorrow, because his stomach is twisting and tightening and he won't be able to concentrate if they continue down this route. "Let's change the subject."

"Fine." Rey leans across the counter. "When you take days off, what do you like to do with them? Besides taking in girls who throw coffee in your face."

"I don't really take days off. If I do, I probably just sleep. Or try to sleep."

"Lame answer." Rey straightens.

"You?"

"I go to the beach. I like the ocean."

Kylo wrinkles his nose.

"What?"

"The beach is always so crowded."

"Yeah, but it's fun. You should try _fun_ sometime." Rey winks.

An hour later, with vanilla yogurt and raspberries in their stomachs, Rey excuses herself to try and sleep again. Kylo climbs into his bed and closes his eyes, and almost instantly the fact that he's forgotten for the past hour—that the conference is tomorrow—slams into him.

Kylo sits back up, resting his chin on his hand. He should ask Rey more about Lor San Tekka in the morning. She might trust him now.

Kylo drifts off as the orange glow of dawn shimmers in through the curtains. His alarm goes off, and he drags himself out of bed. To his surprise, Rey's awake early too.

"Heard your alarm," she informs him. "Your walls aren't soundproof."

"Good to know." He hesitates. "If I brew coffee, am I safe?"

"Probably," Rey says, smirking at him.

"So…" Kylo begins as he empties coffee beans into the pot. "What do you know about that old man I was asking you about?"

"He's an old man. With a beard. Who looks like a monk." Rey leans against the counter, and Kylo suddenly realizes that her hair dangles loose and wavy. He likes the look. "He was sitting with some other man—younger one, maybe a year or two older than you. The other guy had a dog and got run over, probably by some drunk driver."

And _that_ should be plenty to go on. _Phasma, your victim wasn't a nobody after all._ The coffee machine churns and the scent wafts up into the air. "Thanks."

"Why?" she asks.

"That man knows someone whom I need to talk to."

"So FO Tech has PIs?"

Kylo smiles. "Not quite." _It's far less innocent than that._

 _You're a dog, and you do what Snoke wants and nothing else._ Literally, his job description might as well read "selling weapons, but also tracking random people and threatening them if necessary. And helping the CEO with anything and everything that you may or may not have experience in." Snoke's bitch boy.

 _Only temporarily. It's necessary._ He learns by following.

He grabs a mug and then another one. "Do you want coffee?"

"Sure." Rey bites her nails. "Why do you work for that crazy company?"

"It's not so bad."

"Which is why you looked miserable when you came home last night," Rey counters as he offers her a cup.

He almost drops it. "How can you—"

"Your emotions are written all over your face." Rey sips the drink. "Better than Niima's," she observes.

"I just—the conference is today. It's important." In way more ways than a typical conference. Kylo stares at the brown liquid swirling inside his mug. _I could see my father today._

"Well," Rey says. "Good luck."

He should say the same to her, for her interview.

He can't.

* * *

"She's coming in today," Leia tells Han over the phone. "Rey Jakku."

"Good." Han sighs. If she seems like a good fit—and personality-wise, she seems like it—maybe that can help convince Luke to come back.

"I'm sure she will." Leia sighs. "Han—if you see our son—"

"I'm going to, Leia." Han blows out his breath. "I promise. I'll try. Text me about whatever you decide about Rey Jakku, okay?"

"Of course. Chewie's with you?"

"Yes," Han lies. Chewie's not. Instead, Chewie's meeting with Lor San Tekka, but Leia doesn't need to know. Not yet.

Because they might have found Luke.

If it's not him, Han doesn't want Leia disappointed. If it _is_ him, though… maybe, just maybe, stars are finally starting to align. Maybe they can get Luke back _and_ their son.

It's a foolish hope, the kind of hope Han gave up on when he was eight years old and realized his parents were dead, and death really was permanent. No one was holding his parents prisoner, and he wouldn't be some great hero who rescued them. They were _gone_.

Luke might come back. Ben might come back.

_They aren't dead yet._

Han stalks into the hotel. Fancy people mill about, men and women draped in fancy dark suits. Sunglasses obscure the eyes of several stern looking men off to the lobby's right.

"Hey," a voice interrupts.

"Huh?" Han spins around to see Chewie standing there. "What are you doing here? I gave you a job to do."

Chewie shrugs. "I'm interested to see the kid, too."

 _In other words, you figured I needed you,_ Han thinks sourly. He knows Chewie like Chewie knows Han: the unsaid things between them are never really unsaid.

"Lor's going to call you," Chewie adds.

"Fine."

"I'll hang back," Chewie grumbles, but Han notices the way his friend's dark eyes scour the crowd of people, looking for that black hair, the face he's afraid, like Han, that he might not recognize.

Han remembers all those afternoons Chewie would spend babysitting, teaching Ben chess even as Ben got frustrated with how he kept losing.

" _If you want to win, you have to learn," Chewie informed his son as Ben scowled. "And you learn by losing."_

But Ben didn't pout or refuse to play. Two months later, and he beat Chewie for the first time.

And there he is. Han's heart stops in his chest as he sees that hair, still boyishly long, that face that's a perfect mix of his own face and Leia's.

He doesn't have time to study it. He steps forward, propelled not by Leia's request, not by his story, but by his own desperate need. _"Ben!"_

* * *

"It's not a problem at all," Poe assures Finn as he leads him into Alderaan House's headquarters. "Jess just told me that Leia's meeting with another candidate now, and then she'll meet with you."

 _It's not weak to accept help when you need it,_ Finn reminds himself. _It's okay. It's okay._

The door to Leia's office opens, and Rey pops out.

_Rey._

"Holy fudge!" she gasps. " _Finn!_ What are you doing here?"

"Rey!" He stands and throws his arms around her. She stiffens and then relaxes. "I'm looking for a job."

"You and me both, then," she says with a grin. "Niima fired me."

"Oh no!" Finn gapes at her.

"So now I'm here," Rey says with a shrug. "We might be working together. How crazy is that?"

"Crazy in a good way," Finn agrees. He's experienced way too much _crazy in a bad way_ lately.

"Did you ever get the dog back?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I did—actually, Poe Dameron, the owner—he works here. I'm rooming with him now." Finn grins. He and Poe seem to be getting along just fine, although Finn can't deny that there's a part of him that's waiting for Poe to realize that he lied, that Finn isn't such a great person after all.

"You don't happen to need another roommate, do you?" Rey jokes. "Because I lost my apartment. I've been staying with a… friend for the past couple nights."

"Actually, we kind of do," Finn tells her. This way he can help Poe, and if Poe figures out the truth, he at least won't be totally screwed. Rey can stay.

A throat clears, and Finn turns to see a small woman who barely comes up to his shoulder smiling at the two of them as if they were her children. "So you're Finn."

"Um, yes," Finn stammers. This woman commands an almost intimidating presence, but not the same kind of intimidating as Phasma. It's more like respect, like Finn is suddenly awash in the sense that he never wants to let this woman down. "I am."

"Come in, if you please."

"Wait outside for me?" Finn requests. "I'll call Poe when I'm done—we'll talk it over."

"Okay," she says, smiling shyly as she drops into a chair to wait.

Leia Organa's office is furnished with an elaborate bookshelf, loaded with all sorts of books—classics like Jane Austen, harlequin romance novels, fantasy books, political textbooks, and even what look like comics. If her bookcase is anything to judge by, the woman's lived a lot of life. Two photo frames rest on her desk—one, Finn can see is of a younger Leia with her arms wrapped around two men—one tall and dark haired, one lithe and blond. The other photo, Finn can't see.

She begins by explaining about Alderaan House and how they work with refugees from all over the world, with resettlement and adjusting to life in D'Qar. "Now," Leia says, leaning back in her chair. "Tell me about yourself, Finn."

"Well," Finn begins, sweat starting to prickle at his temples. _Not now, dammit_. "I recently quit working for FO Tech Industries."

"Yes, I saw that on your resume, and Poe told me about it."

Finn blinks. "He did?"

Leia leans forward and nods. "He did. And he told me you were one of their scholarship engineers, as well. And yet you chose to leave. All of that makes me very curious about you, Finn."

 _Curious._ Not angry. Not disgusted. Finn breathes out. "Well, I just—I saw the news, about that massacre, and I just—I couldn't keep working for them. I never felt like I fit in very well anyways. They're very utilitarian. Empathy's frowned upon. That didn't really work for me."

"Empathy…" Leia picks up a pencil and twirls it between her fingers. "I think that was brave of you. To leave what you know."

"Well—thanks," Finn mumbles.

"We don't necessarily have need of an engineer right now, but we'd be able to put you through an ESL training course, if you're willing to assist one of our teachers." Leia bites her lip. "Doesn't pay much, but—"

"It's something," Finn says with a grin. "Yes, yes—I'll take it."

"Wonderful." She holds out her hand. "Welcome, Finn. We're excited to have you."

Her phone rings. "One second, and I'll have you sign some paperwork." She answers the phone. "Hello?"

Finn watches as the regal woman's jaw sags, and gray creeps into her pallor. "Chewie?... hospital? Why? What kind of— _what?"_

Finn glances at the books again, studying the titles and wishing someone would invent a vanishing potion, because he could use it right about now.

"I'll be right there," Leia says, hanging up the phone.

"Is everything okay?" Finn ventures as she sinks back into her chair. _Apparently not._

"Not quite," Leia manages. "I'll have Jess bring you the paperwork. I'm afraid there's a bit of a personal emergency." She manages a watery smile at him. "I am very glad to have you with us, Finn."

The lady's in pain and she's still taking time to be kind to him. Finn nods, a lump in his throat. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the pseudo-cliffhanger! (But *cue evil laughter* not that sorry. :D)


	6. Screw-Ups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo might have lost everything, and it's his own damn fault.

" _Ben!"_

His father's voice rings again and again in Kylo's mind. In Ben's mind. It's been hours since he heard it, and his can't stop replaying it.

One word, one name, and he was a child again, the child who was so scared that when they came to visit he ran away and hid to punish his parents for sending him away, not a grown man about to present at a conference.

 _I'm impressed you recognized me,_ he wanted to sneer, but he couldn't. He didn't even want to look at his father, but invisible strings attached themselves to him— _sentiment_ —and they pulled him around to face the man, who looked older than Kylo expected.

Kylo clutches the steering wheel of his car, trying to focus on driving as his mind replays the moment he saw not just his father, but his father's best friend, Chewie, too. And the stunned look on his father's face when he saw Kylo, and how Kylo tried so hard not to give anything away.

 _You hate me,_ Kylo thought. _You hate me. I'm nothing you ever wanted me to become._

"We've missed you," Han said, stepping towards him, and Kylo wanted to run. But he saw Hux appear in the corner of his eye, saw the security guards milling about and knew all he had to do was say the word. Say the word, and secure Snoke's favor. Say the word, and secure that he would inherit FO Tech.

"Ben is _gone_ ," Kylo said, heart thumping wildly.

"No, he's not—you're right here." Han got too close, and Kylo turned to security.

"Take care of him."

"Hey!" Chewie shouted as Kylo turned and stalked away. He knew what those guards were going to do, and he cared but he couldn't care.

The presentation went off without a hitch, but Kylo's a mess as he drives home. He should feel confident, secure in his future. Instead, he feels as if his last hope's been torn away, shredded, and his arm is the arm that fed it into the shredder.

He could call the hospitals. Find out how badly he's hurt… _No. Don't do that. The shock will wear off, and you'll want a clean break._

Too many splinters are already embedded inside him. He's bleeding, he's infected, and he's afraid he's going to die.

_Pull yourself together. For Rey._

If she's working for his mother… and Snoke finds out… _Oh, shut up, Snoke doesn't have to find out! She's not a liability_. Kylo can't kick her out.

If Rey knew what he'd done to his own father, would she understand, or think him a monster?

"Hey!" Rey greets him with a smile that can only mean one thing, and Kylo wants to scream. "I got the job!"

"Congratulations," he chokes out.

"And I also found a place to live," she tells him. "So I won't have to impose on you any longer. I've already called for a taxi, but I wanted to wait and say bye."

"What?" His mask of joy starts to melt away. "You're leaving now?"

Why is he upset she's leaving? It's a good thing. He won't have to worry about Snoke finding out, or about her finding out his connection and then confronting him.

"Yeah, another new guy—a friend I've actually met before—he's looking for another roommate." Rey smiles up at him with her hazel eyes glinting with pure joy. "And he used to work for FO Tech, actually."

 _Oh, fuck_. "Is his name Finn?" Kylo queries.

"Yeah." Rey's eyebrows draw together. "You know him?"

"No, I just heard _of_ him." This is one fact he will not be informing Phasma or Hux of. The thought of Rey living with this Finn makes Kylo's already ulcerated stomach throbs like it's about to dissolve. Surely he'll just confirm Rey's opinion of his company, of Snoke, poison Rey's mind against him.

Although, if Rey finds out what he did to his own father today—and if his mother finds out, Rey very well might—Kylo suspects he's poisoned himself in her mind. "Well… let me know if you need anything. You know. After."

"Thanks." Rey hesitates, and then steps forward and wraps an arm around him. "Do you have my number?"

"I—no?"

"Well, do you want it?"

Kylo nods. "If you don't like it at your new job, let me know."

Rey rolls her eyes as she takes his phone and enters her number. "I'm pretty sure I'll like it just fine." A horn blares outside, and Rey glances out the window. "Well… bye. Thanks for all you did. I really do appreciate it."

He nods.

The door shuts behind her, and Kylo leans against the wall, staring empty at a mirror hanging on the wall.

_Ben!_

_Get out of my head,_ Kylo thinks frantically, watching his face twitch. _Ben doesn't exist anymore. Ben's dead._

_No, Ben is alive._

_You're Ben._

Kylo slams his fist into the wall.

* * *

"Thanks for rescuing him, Chewie," Leia's voice cuts through the beeps and chatter of the emergency room.

"Wish I didn't have to," Chewie snarls. "That piece of—" He tightens his fists, and Han wishes he wouldn't.

_Wouldn't say the truth?_

What even is Ben anymore? Who is he?

_Not Kylo Ren._

_You're just in denial._

Even if he _is_ Kylo Ren, Han still loves him. He wants to _protect_ him, _dammit_ , even though he shouldn't.

_We lost our son, forever._

They haven't. Han's seen him. He can't ever believe that again.

When the guards threw Han out a back entrance, he figured that would be it. He hadn't expected a foot to slam into his gut, an elbow to jut under his chin. He hadn't expected his teeth to clack and to fly backwards into the wall, collapsing only as a boot smashed against his nose.

Han's been in danger before. His job hasn't exactly led him into the cushiest of dens. But today was the first time he didn't have the will to fight.

Chewie came. Chewie chased them away, got Han to the hospital. An overreaction if there ever was one. Han huffs.

"I'm glad you're okay," Leia tells him, her eyes filling with tears.

"Me too," Han grumbles. He wishes his nose would smart more, so he could ignore what feels like the worst frickin' heartburn of his life. Except it's emptier than that.

Han's phone buzzes, and he glances at it. _Lor San Tekka_. The crazy old fool actually came through. "Listen, Leia. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"What?" She glares at him.

"I just want to be—" Han waves his hand. "Oh, never mind."

"What?"

"You're going to insist I come home with you, aren't you?"

"Not with that attitude." Leia shakes her head. "He's my son, too."

Han looks into his ex-wife's eyes and sees tears starting to pebble in the corners. _Dammit_. "Leia." He climbs off the table and takes her in his arms, pressing her face against his chest and resting his chin on her hair. "Look," he tries. "Why doesn't Chewie take me back to his place? _Our_ place," he clarifies as Chewie's bushy eyebrows fly up. "And then I'll meet you at your place, and we'll talk about… about Ben."

"Sounds good," she answers, lifting her head.

 _I still love you,_ he wants to say. _Divorce papers mean shit._ But he doesn't have to.

She knows.

"Calling Lor?" Chewie asks when he and Han climb into his car.

"Yeah." Han dials and grills the old man as to whether what he's found is really accurate.

"I wouldn't say it was if it wasn't," Lor answers quietly. "And I'm giving it to you before I give it to Dameron, as you asked."

And Lor never asked why. Clearly he trusts Han. Or else he just knows Luke. Or both.

"You don't want any credit for this?" Han quizzes.

"No. There isn't any satisfaction in that." Lor grows quiet. "The only satisfaction I'll get is if this actually makes things right."

"And now?" Chewie asks.

"Time to call a certain brother-in-law of mine." Han's fingers shake as he dials. He had no idea how he'll be received, but he is pretty certain that it won't involve Luke ordering some henchmen to kick the shit out of him.

"Hello?" The voice is grainy, but as soft as Han remembers.

 _Dammit, Luke_. "Listen here, kid," Han says gruffly. "You know who this is."

"How did you find me?"

"Lor San Tekka has ways," Han answers, voice shaking. What is _with_ this day? It's too much.

 _Nothing's too much for Han Solo._ He swallows. "Luke… we need you. We know about Kylo Ren."

They arrive at the apartment, and Han sits in the car, still arguing with Luke while Chewie heads inside. But his brother-in-law hasn't hung up yet, and that gives Han hope. "Look, Luke—we found _her_."

"Well?" Chewie asks an hour later, when Han finally opens the car door. He holds Han out an overnight bag. "You're welcome."

"He's got twenty-four hours," Han grouses, sliding back into the car as Chewie drives to Leia's.

"You're late," Leia greets him.

Han shoulders his way into the house. "Yeah, but I'm still here."

* * *

"Welcome to our humble abode. Now your humble abode," Poe greets Rey, leaning against a crutch. Beebee-Ate woofs and bounds towards her. Finn grins.

"Thanks for taking me on so quick. Are you that desperate for rent?"

"Well," Poe says, glancing at Finn. "Yeah. Pretty much. I've got to take some time off work this month, with this bum leg and all, and—"

"Don't you work for Leia?" Finn asks, confused.

"Uh—yeah. Sort of." Poe bites his lip and drops back into the armchair. "I don't work with the main aims of Alderaan House. No direct work. I do advocacy work. Kind of."

"What exactly does Alderaan House do?" Rey wonders. "I mean, I read the mission statement and I know I'm just doing office work, but—"

"It's more like what _don't_ they do?" Poe corrects with a smile. "They mostly work with new immigrants, so they get a lot of refugees. They also do a lot of advocacy, for peace and conflict resolution and such. And some, like, investigating."

 _Investigating?_ Finn wonders.

"That's good," Rey says.

"Your room's through here," Finn says, showing Rey. "It's pretty small—if you want, we can—"

"It's perfect." Rey grins at him. "My whole apartment was barely this big."

"How long ago did you lose your place?" Poe calls.

"Only like two days. I stayed with a friend." Rey tosses her bag on the bed—Finn's lending her sheets—and comes back out, Beebee-Ate circling her.

"My dog likes you," Poe comments.

"I like him," Rey declares, dropping to her knees.

"What friend?" Finn asks curiously. _A boyfriend? A cute boyfriend?_

"Actually, he works for your old company," Rey says as she scratches Beebee-Ate's head. "Kylo Ren."

"What?" Finn's jaw drops and he hears Poe struggle and fail to rise out of the armchair.

"Are you kidding me?" Poe asks. "He's your _friend_?"

"Yup." Beebee licks Rey's face and she laughs. "He helped me when no one else did, so."

Finn never met this Kylo Ren, but he's heard the name. "He's like Snoke's second in command." And everyone, even Phasma, respected his word as law.

Poe's eyes take on an unmistakably dark look, and Finn wonders just what's between Poe and this Kylo Ren. Is it really just condemnation of FO Tech? Or is there something else?

"Well, he helped me," Rey says again, and Finn can only nod even as fear prickles down his neck.

The next day, Poe wishes them a happy first day of work. "Leg's hurting. I'm taking the day off."

 _Are you really?_ Finn opts not to ask. His roommate works odd hours.

The first person he sees when he walks into the building is Leia, who greets them with a smile.

"How are you?" Finn inquires, remembering yesterday.

"She's fine," grouses an older man in a vest. Half of his face looks as if someone kicked it—his eye's swollen shut and his cheek looks like a purple tennis ball is growing out of it. "Hey, kid. I heard you called and wanted to say hi."

"You know him?" Finn quizzes Rey, who nods.

"He gave me your business card," she admits, looking at Leia.

"This is my ex-husband," Leia introduces the man. "Han Solo."

"The reporter?" Finn squeaks.

"I used to be," Han grumbles. "Don't, Leia. Just… don't." He winks at Finn with his good eye. "She heard I got kinda banged up yesterday and came down to sign my ass out of the hospital."

"What happened?" Finn asks.

"Nothing." Han waves his hand as if to say it doesn't matter. Though, judging by his face, someone ought to be in jail for assault and battery.

"Did you wind up finding your family member?" Rey asks.

 _What the what?_ Finn gapes at Rey. Why would she ask such a question?

"You could say that." Han grimaces. Leia stares at her boots, and realization washes over Finn, cold and dark.

 _Holy shit_. Did this family member beat Han up? And Finn thought he had issues. "Um—we'll get to work," he says. Before they get fired.

But Leia gives him a gentle smile as if to reassure him that she's not about to fire him. Finn takes a deep breath. His lungs shudder.

Time to learn to teach. To build. Not destroy. He pushes FO Tech and Han Solo and his screwed-up family from his mind as best he can. He mostly observes, but the more he watches the teacher, the more he feels it's hopeless, he'll never be able to do this—and yet he wants to do it more than ever.

"Hey-ho," Poe says when Finn and Rey arrive home. "That's a smile on your face. I like it. I ordered Thai for everyone. I hope you don't mind."

"I've never had Thai!" Rey exclaims, and Poe and Finn exchange a glance.

"Please tell me you've had Indian and Chinese and Mexican at least," Poe says.

Rey peers at what looks like a carton of pad Thai. "Chinese once or twice… mostly I ate at fast food places. They're cheap. Trying to live on minimum wage is a bitch."

"It is," Poe agrees, still looking at Finn as if sending a telepathic message: _operation: introduce Rey to all the cuisines in this city has commenced._

"Not even growing up?" Finn questions.

"I lived in and out of various foster homes. Usually group homes. My parents left when I was five." Rey sets the carton down, inhaling the peanuty scent. "I got my GED and moved out when I was sixteen."

"I was a foster kid, too," Finn says quietly, and she gives him a small nod. Poe crosses his arms.

"Does Beebee like Thai food?" Rey asks.

"Beebee has his own food, Rey," Poe states, but Finn laughs when he sees Rey sneaking the dog a bit of chicken.

"Now I know why my dog likes you so much," Poe complains.

After dinner, when Rey's retreated to her room, Finn takes a shower. As he shampoos his hair, he realizes that he hasn't had a panic attack in twenty-four hours.

 _Success._ Elated, Finn steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around himself. He opens the door and almost runs smack into Poe.

"Sorry," Poe stammers, his eyes lingering for a moment on Finn's chest, and then his lips. Or is Finn just imagining it because he's dealing with inappropriate feelings towards his roommate?

_Oh, God._

"Uh… good job finding the third roommate," Poe tells him, nodding as if to congratulate himself on finding something to say. "She's great."

Finn nods. "Yeah. She is." He tears himself away from Poe and hurries to his room, unable to turn around because he's not sure whether he wants Poe's eyes to follow him or not.


	7. Unmasked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cat gets out of the bag, and Rey is not pleased. Additionally, Kylo sets the bar high for awkward messages.

On Friday afternoon, Leia calls Rey and Finn, as the two new employees, in for a meeting "just to check in and see how everything is going."

"She's so hands-on," Finn whispers to Rey. "I never even met the higher-ups at FO Tech. I mean I saw Hux once."

"Unkar was _too_ hands-on," Rey hisses. "Micro-managing everything. She's like—the perfect mix. I love her," Rey decides. She loves her new job, where people actually smile and don't look at her like an annoying pest. Not that she's actually done much yet—but she's learning, and she loves that.

Kylo texted her the night before to ask how her job was going, and she responded by saying how much she loved it and her new apartment. He never texted back. Rey scowls.

"You can go in," Threepio, one of the supervisors, announces.

"How's Han?" Rey asks as she takes a seat.

Leia smiles, but there's something in her eyes, something dark and sad. Rey knows the feeling, because she sees it in her own eyes every time she looks in a mirror. "He's fine. Recovering well. How are you liking it here?"

Rey lets Finn answer as she glances at something on Leia's desk. A photograph of a man. _The_ man. The monk-like one.

 _Why is everyone I meet connected to this person_? "How do you know him?" Rey blurts out, interrupting Finn. _Oh shit_.

Leia's eyebrows rise as she looks at the paper Rey's pointing to. "How do _you?"_

"He got coffee with Poe." Poe must be how Leia knows him, Rey realizes, heat flooding her cheeks. "At Niima Coffee Post."

"Lor San Tekka is an old friend of my family's," Leia informs her. "He does collaborate with Poe at times, but no, before you ask, he does not work here himself." She straightens. "He's a PI, and he's looking for my brother."

Rey decides it wouldn't be polite to ask why Leia's brother has to be found, but Finn comes up with a way around that for her.

"Luke Skywalker?" Finn says in awe. "I've heard of him."

"Who's Luke Skywalker?" Rey asks.

"My twin brother," Leia answers with a smile.

"He's a famous agent," Finn informs her. "Or he was."

"Oh." Rey frowns. "Another man came into the coffee shop looking for this Lor San Tekka, after he left."

Leia sighs as she turns around one of the photo frames on her desk. " _This_ man?"

The photo might not be of a man, but Rey can clearly tell who it is. A boy of maybe fourteen towers above Leia, his arm wrapped around her and a childish grin on his face.

 _Kylo fucking Ren?_ Rey nods. "Mm. Um—yeah. That man."

Leia shakes her head and purses her lips as if the news doesn't shock her, but still hurts, like a blow she knew was coming.

"I threw coffee in his face," Rey offers.

"He's my son."

"It wasn't hot," Rey clarifies.

"Ben lived with Luke for awhile." Leia leans back. "I'm not surprised he's looking for him."

Rey glances at Finn, who clearly doesn't recognize who this Ben is. Ben Organa? Ben Solo? Who knows?

_He knew I was interviewing with his mother!_

And the twerp didn't say anything?

 _What happened?_ Rey wonders as Han's words from the day she met him, the day she met Kylo and Finn and Poe and _all_ of them, echo in her memory: _estranged family member… you could say that._

_He beat up his own father?_

Rey's stomach rollicks back and forth inside her. She'd like to hurl.

Finn somehow ends their session with a smile, and as they leave the building, he takes her hand. "You okay?"

"Don't hold my hand!" she snaps, yanking it away.

Finn steps back, ashen in the dusky light. "I'm sorry—I didn't mean it in _that_ way—I was just—you're upset."

"Ben—that man," she manages, looking into Finn's dark eyes and realizing that she trusts him not because she knows she can but because she _wants_ to. "Is Kylo Ren."

* * *

"Well done, Kylo Ren," Snoke says as he studies him. Kylo fights the urge to fidget in his chair like a middle schooler.

 _Focus on what you've earned. Snoke's regard. He knows you're loyal now_. Hux will never measure up. Kylo's had to prove himself, instead of being born the son of one of Snoke's original lackeys.

At least now he knows his father will never come looking for him again.

And at that thought, Kylo's heart pounds as if it wants to impale itself on his ribs.

_You should be in jail._

Kylo tightens his fists as Snoke glances to his computer. "How is the search coming?"

"I found the name of the man Lor San Tekka met with. Poe Dameron. I'll try to track him down as soon as possible."

"Good." Snoke exhales. "But, I should inform you, there's a different priority for today."

"I thought finding Skywalker was the highest priority."

"Not today." Snoke presses his fingertips together. "Today, I'm going to need you and Hux to work together on a little project on the side."

"Hux," Kylo states. _I_ am _going to prison. Of a different sort._

Because it's not just Hux's personality that makes Kylo want to stay the hell away from that man. No, it's the fact that Hux's job details are slightly different than Kylo's own.

"You can go," Snoke dismisses him. "I'll email the two of you and try to arrange a time where we can go over your project."

Kylo nods and leaves, marching over to Hux's office. "I hear we're working together."

"Indeed." Hux glowers at him. "Apparently you've proved yourself."

Hux's former threats swirl around him, contrasting with the sharp daggers of distaste jabbing in his tone. Hux lifts his chin as if to express his superiority: _I never did that to_ my _father_.

 _You never had to,_ Kylo thinks. And how dare Hux judge him when he insisted Kylo had to do it? Did he really think Kylo wasn't capable of it?

He steps closer, towering over Hux. "Don't ever talk to me like that again." _Like I'm beneath you._

"Careful, Ren," Hux purrs. "Snoke's not going to be happy if we push each other out of these windows."

 _If you tell me to be careful one more freaking time…_ "What is this project?" Kylo demands.

"We've got a new buyer interested in buying our… supplies. Various supplies. We just need to negotiate a good price."

"Why do I need to be involved?" Kylo turns towards the windows. He imagines himself jumping, plummeting towards the streets below, splattering on the pavement. The pain might be intense, but it would only last seconds. He'd be a human bomb.

"Because if you hope to take over the company, as clearly you do, you're going to have to manage something besides just straight-edge buying and selling." Hux comes up behind him, and Kylo tenses.

"Who's the buyer?"

"Have you heard of the Starkiller group?"

Clouds roll in, shapes twisting and slithering through the haze. Kylo would rather fly into one of them than fall. He flexes his arms as if stretching, but really he's imagining himself flying.

" _Hold your arms out. Shut your eyes," Dad told him at seven as he positioned Ben at the front of a boat. "You're flying! You're the king of the world!"_

"They've killed a lot of people," Kylo says.

"And everyone else we've been selling to hasn't?" Hux snorts and sidles into Kylo's vision. "If they pay, we don't ask questions."

* * *

"To be honest, Rey, I thought you knew. I mean, I don't think the guy's an upstanding citizen, but I thought he would've told you about his parents." Poe lifts his leg onto the couch and winces.

"Well, he didn't," Rey snaps.

"I can't believe he ordered his own father beaten," Finn mutters. " _Why?"_

"Han's got a reputation as a sneaky freelancer. And I mean sneaky in the best way," Poe adds. "FO Tech's been rumored to be involved in a lot of bad shit for years now. The news reports you've been seeing lately are just the tip of the iceberg. Han's trying to investigate and blow them completely out of operation. 'Cept, I think he was kinda startled to find out his son was working for them."

"What happened? Between Han and Leia and their son?" Rey demands.

Poe holds his hands up and spreads his fingers. "I have no idea."

"Well, I'm gonna call him. Sorry if it gets loud." Rey storms towards her room.

"Are you sure that's a good—" Finn starts, but Rey slams the door.

She dials and waits. One ring. Two.

"Rey?"

Rey sits cross-legged on the bed Finn loaned her money for. "Hi, Kylo. I'm just calling to check in. And also to check as to whether I should be calling you Kylo or Ben, because I'm really not sure."

His voice slices through the phone, angry and cornered. "Did you tell my mother?"

"That I know you? Oh, yeah." She snorts. "I told her I threw coffee in your face."

"She was probably glad."

"Not hardly." Rey frowns. "I didn't tell her you're my friend, though. Or that you helped me."

"I'm your friend?" Now he sounds shocked.

"Well, I thought so."

"I—"

" _You hurt your father." And I don't see how someone who takes in a homeless girl, a girl who's legit thrown coffee in your face, can turn around and have his father beaten up._ Although when she considers where he works, it all makes sense. Well, some of it. A few puzzle pieces fit.

"So you know about that, too."

Rey almost chokes on nothing but air. "You don't even have the decency to deny it?"

"I have _reasons_ , Rey."

"Like that you don't want your dad exposing that you're part of a criminal organization?"

"FO Tech is not a criminal organization, Rey. We're necessary. We help governments get rid of… bad guys."

"If that's what you tell yourself. You should—you're a _monster_."

" _No!"_ He gasps, and it sounds almost like he's crying. "I'm not—I mean, if I didn't—Snoke would have—he told me to—"

She snorts. "You're what, thirty?"

"Twenty-nine."

"Still. You're a grown-ass man, Kylo Ren. Ben Solo. And you ordered your father beaten—"

"I ordered him kicked out by security."

"You knew what would happen, though."

He doesn't deny it.

Rey lies back on the bed. "Why are you so interested in finding your uncle? I know about Lor San Tekka, too."

"I'm sorry, Rey. I can't answer that."

"Are you going to murder him?"

"No! I'm not a murderer!"

"Please look at your employer and tell me that with a straight face," Rey says, a lump throbbing in her throat.

He swears, and she expects him to hang up on her. But he doesn't. "Was my father—I mean, was Han Solo—is he okay?"

"A little bruised and I think his nose is broken, if the black eyes are anything to go by. But he's okay."

"You actually saw him?"

Rey traces the windowsill. "He visits your mother every afternoon. Aren't they divorced?"

"I think so."

"You," Rey says. "Are the worst son _ever_."

"I know that, Rey! That's why they have no son anymore. I'm as good as dead to them."

Rey's heart aches as she thinks about her mother, her father. Do they ever wonder about Rey? Is Rey dead to them? "What if you're wrong about that?"

"I'm not." But it's a plea, not a statement.

"I just don't understand why you would do something so _evil_ ," Rey says, tears worming their way out of her eyes. _I almost had a crush on you._

"Because I'm—I can't—I have to—"

She doesn't understand why he's still trying to gasp out an excuse. "You're what, _scared?"_

Now he hangs up.

 _Oh my God,_ Rey thinks, staring at her phone. _He's_ scared.

"Rey?" Finn knocks on the door.

"One moment!" she hollers, wiping at her eyes.

* * *

Kylo doubles over in his room. He wishes he could make himself throw up, wishes for the guts to take a knife and slash his wrists. She hates him. As she should. But he's been nothing but kind to her.

_What does it matter? You hurt your own father. You're the worst kind of monster._

_He's not my father anymore._

Oh, but he is. Ben Solo isn't gone. He never will be.

" _What's your name, kid?"_

" _Ben Solo," he stammers, fifteen and confused as to why this CEO is visiting his school, is talking to him instead of everyone else in this class._

" _Han and Leia's son?"_

" _Ha!" taunts one of his classmates, who never stop giving him grief for his famous mother. One time Ben punched one of them and they laughed at him, told him his mother wouldn't like that, peace-activist that she is._

" _Write your name on the list," Snoke invited him. A list to signal interest in FO Tech's scholarship program._

" _Why would he do that?" scoffed another classmate. "He's not even smart."_

 _It's true: Ben gets average grades at best. He gets the worst grades in geometry, not because he doesn't understand the material, but because he's sick of making people_ proud _. He's sick of the undercurrents to every declaration of pride in his abilities_ : you better always live up to this moment.

" _That," Snoke retorts. "I doubt. His mother is brilliant."_

_Ben's jaw drops. He can't believe the president of FO Tech, the company his mother always demonizes, just praised her._

_He signs his name, writes his email._

_Two weeks later, as Ben takes refuge in his room, hiding from his uncle's inevitable frustration that the school called to say Ben got into another shouting match with his geometry teacher, Snoke's name pops into his inbox._

_There was a familiarity then, a paternal tone to Snoke's voice in their phone calls and an encouraging tone in his emails that shone in comparison to his uncle's constant rules and the tense late night conversations Ben overheard between Luke and his parents._

Although, that supportive tone has mostly dissipated from Snoke's interactions with him nowadays. Every meeting, every email, is about business, about what Kylo needs to do, and he's winded and not sure he can climb any higher.

 _Starkiller group…_ can he really sell to them? Knowing that it will destroy the very people his mother works with?

_You're already dead to them._

He's cast his lots, he's crossed the bridge and bashed it down, and he can't go back.

He should be thrilled. Instead, all he can focus on is the raw horror and disgust he heard in Rey's voice.

When he saw her on that bench, all he really thought of was helping some random person in trouble. And then when he recognized her, he still just wanted to help her. And now she hates him, and Kylo wishes he could go back, scrub what he did to Han Solo.

_You can't._

Kylo dials Rey's number. It rings and rings until her answering machine picks up. Which is what he expected.

" _Hi, this is Rey. I'm busy right now, but I'll get back to you when I can!"_ She giggles and a beep interrupts the recording.

Kylo hesitates. _Speak, man!_ "Hi, Rey. It's me. It's Kylo. I mean… I don't even know if you'll listen to this. I don't blame you if you don't. I just—I mean, I'm calling because—I just—" _God dammit!_ He almost hangs up, but he can't. He's already halfway across this stupid bridge. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you about my mom, and I also wanted to say I didn't have—I mean, I'm still glad I helped you. I'm glad you got a job. She'll be good to you—my mom, I mean. You're exactly the kind of child she deserves to have. I mean I know she's not adopting you but she's pretty motherly to her employees. I think. I remember thinking that, I mean." _Oh God oh God oh God what the hell am I saying_? "Anyways, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, and the reasons for doing what I did… you won't understand, but they're complicated, and I hope my father recovers well. I really do." His voice cracks like a teenager's. "And I wish you luck. You'll do great at Alderaan House. Okay bye."

* * *

"Where are you off to?" Rey quizzes Poe the next morning, as she curls up on the couch with Beebee-Ate.

"Work," Poe says. "No rest for the wicked. Come on, Beebee!"

The dog leaps off the couch and trots over.

"You get to take your dog to work?" Finn asks, arching his eyebrow as he balances his laptop on his lap.

"He's got better legs than I do at the moment," Poe replies. "The day I get rid of this stupid crutch, I will take us all to dinner to celebrate."

"What are _you_ doing today?" Rey asks Finn.

Finn sips a glass of water. "Applying for jobs. Still."

"You've _got_ one."

"Temporarily."

Rey rolls her eyes. "So if I said I was going to the beach, neither of you would come with me?"

Two _sorrys_ come in response.

 _Fine then_ , Rey thinks. _I'll just go myself_. It's not like she's never been to the beach alone before. Whenever she had at day off from Niima Coffee Post—maybe once every other month—no matter the weather, Rey liked to go and watch the ocean. She could imagine an island there, an island just for her, where she can do what she wants. When she was little, she used to draw imaginary islands filled with all sorts of dangers, and make up adventures that she would run through in her head at night, when she couldn't sleep.

She thought it'd be fun to go to the beach with friends this time. _Apparently, no_. Loneliness chafes at her as she changes in her room.

She picks up her phone and stares at it, at the little red circle by her phone icon. What on earth could Kylo Ren possibly have to say?

She presses on voicemail and listens. _Oh, damn_. Rey cringes.

She hops on a bus and arrives at the beach, setting her towel down and watching as a grandmother rubs sunblock on her granddaughters' backs. Rey bites her lip.

_Don't do the thing, Rey._

Her phone's already in her hand.

"You're calling me?" he greets her.

"Do you work on Saturdays too?" Rey asks.

He pauses. "Usually."

"So you never have fun either?"

"Didn't we already cover this?"

Ideas swarm Rey's mind. He's an asshole, but he still took her in. Maybe he's not fully gone, not yet. "I have a question for you."

"What are you—"

"Do you want to go to the beach with me?" she blurts out.


	8. You Imagine an Ocean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo hates sand and Luke saves the day.

Kylo hasn't been to the beach since he was a kid. Since he was Ben. The scent of salt rubs his nose, and sand crunches under his shoes.

There she is, lifting up a hand to wave at him. In a black bikini. Heat shoots through Kylo from the top of his head down his spine and legs, and it's not from the sun.

"Decaf boy," she says, lifting her sunglasses and squinting. "You came."

He rolls his eyes at the nickname. _You called._ "I can miss a day of work." Truthfully, Kylo was glad to have an excuse to escape working with Hux on the Starkiller negotiations. Poe Dameron can wait another day, because suddenly Snoke doesn't seem to care as much, and Kylo can't see why but he has to listen to his boss. Gingerly, he sits on the sand and scowls.

"What?"

"I don't like sand." She raises her eyebrows and he flounders to add an explanation. "It's coarse, rough… irritating. It gets everywhere."

"Hm." Rey peers at him and scoops some sand into her hands. "Now it's really getting everywhere." And she dumps it down the back of his shirt. It itches as it scrapes down his skin.

" _Rey!"_

She laughs. "You're overdressed for the beach anyways. Pants? A long-sleeved shirt?"

You're _getting everywhere,_ Kylo thinks. _Inside me._ She's opening doors he thought were long locked. "Every time we meet," he says. "Are you going to throw something at me?"

"I didn't on the bench." Rey lies down on her side, and Kylo's eyes trace her collarbone. "You didn't think I was going to let you off that easy, did you? I'm still not sure why I don't hate you."

Kylo's heart lifts. A seagull meanders close, studying them for any signs of sandwich scraps. "You don't hate me?"

"Well, I want to convince you to do something," Rey admits.

Kylo's hand digs through the sand anyways. "So there's a catch."

"Can you apologize to your father and pay his hospital bills?"

"He has insurance." _Or does he?_ Considering he freelances… maybe not.

Rey huffs. "That's not the point."

He knows it's not, and another door unlocks and the truth slips out. "I can't face him, Rey."

"You know he's the one who gave me your mother's business card? I met him at Niima Coffee Post the same day I met you. He asked me for advice. He asked me if he should contact an estranged family member." Rey buries her feet in the sand and wiggles her toes until they break the surface. "He meant you."

"He doesn't love me."

"Why do you think that?" she demands. "He looked for you. He found you. My parents—whoever the hell they are—they haven't even bothered to look for me. If they even remember me. If they're not dead." She drops her chin to her chest, and Kylo feels something tugging at him about this girl, a feeling he recognizes in her tone. _You're lonely, too, aren't you?_

"I'm so sorry," he tells her as his fingers grope through the sand. He hates how gritty it is, and yet he can't stop. "My parents—they aren't really—I mean, we don't get along. We never have. They sent me away when I was ten to live with my uncle, supposedly because they were getting death threats. Both of them. But they just didn't want to be saddled with a kid anymore."

"Why would you think that?" Her tone is softer now. Waves crash yards in front of them.

"Because they almost never visited, and they rarely called. Even before, when I was living with them, Mom would rather work with her nonprofit than spend time with me. Dad would rather break some huge story than play paper airplanes or anything." He snorts, because the words "mom" and "dad"—it's been years since he used them. "I sound spoiled."

"Yeah," Rey agrees. "But you also sound sad."

Kylo's fingers close in on something hard, and he pulls out a sand-covered shell. He tries to clean it, the sharp edges nicking at his skin. "I was close with my uncle. I think they thought living with him would help me, but I wanted—" He stops.

" _Them_ ," Rey supplies.

Kylo swallows. The shell glints gold. A toenail shell. "I ran away the first time when I was twelve. They panicked. The police found me and brought me back, and Dad came but Mom didn't. I asked Dad to take me home. He said no, and I stopped calling them. When I was fourteen I tried to run away again after I got beat up at school, but my uncle caught me and he started locking doors, but I heard him calling my parents and my dad said he might as well let me run away. And when I was—well, almost seventeen, I ran away again, for the last time. They didn't find me. I don't think they even looked. They were tired of looking. Tired of _me_." And he doesn't necessarily blame them. "I got my GED and went to college. I changed my name when I turned eighteen. Snoke helped me." He holds the shell up to the sun and watches the light refract through. A few grains of sand still cling to it, though.

"Snoke," Rey repeats.

"He's like my father now."

"Does he love you, though?"

He scoffs. "Did my parents?"

"I think they _do_."

He doesn't want to hear that, because then everything will twist and he's not sure he can handle it. "So much for your relaxing weekend."

Rey takes the hint. "Do you want to go in?"

Kylo hesitates. He places the shell down on her towel.

"Pretty," she comments. Rey gets to her feet and leans over him, freckles popping against her flushed cheeks. Freckles run down her arms, her chest. "Oh, come on. Don't you want to wash all of that horrible sand away?"

"I'm not dressed appropriately."

"Kylo, there are about a thousand other men on this beach and all of them are shirtless. I'm not going to judge your physique for not being as toned as mine." Rey smirks.

He cocks his head, fighting the urge to grin back. "We'll see." Although he's more worried about what reaction he'll either see or not see when he takes his shirt off. More sand falls, tickling him. "Why are you doing that?"

"Because I can." And her mouth stays in a smile, but as Kylo yanks his shirt over his head, he notices her taking in his pecs and abs and feels grateful for every moment he spends tearing himself apart in the gym.

"Let's go." Rey beckons, and Kylo follows her into the waves.

* * *

"If he's been living in Ahch-To the whole time," Poe says to Jess Pava. "I will fucking stab something. That's only a half hour away!"

"As long as it's not him," Jess says as she scrolls through the file. "Or me."

"Don't worry. I was thinking more like a pillow." Poe wobbles onto his crutch. "Come on, Beebee."

The dog yawns.

"Beebee-Ate. Get up."

The dog lays its head back down.

"Oh for the love of God." Poe pokes his dog with his crutch. Reluctantly, Beebee-Ate climbs to his feet. "I'll head over and see what I can find."

"Okay." Jess sighs. "You really think this will help bring down FO Tech?"

"Jess, Luke Skywalker knows Snoke better than anyone." Poe limps towards the exit. "You know Snoke helped found Galactic Manufacturing with Senator Palpatine and Luke's father. Luke's undercover work helped take them down."

"I'm aware of that, but if he's been out of commission and off the radar for so long, why do you think he'd even want to help?"

"I just do." Poe shrugs. "And Leia will be happy to know Lor's found her brother."

Not that Lor's going with Poe to confront Luke. No, the man insists it has to be Poe. _I'm too old,_ his message read. _Ask Han if you need anything._

Poe slides into his car, grateful he can still drive even if it's not recommended with his leg. Beebee-Ate whines from the backseat.

"What's wrong with you?" Poe asks, but the dog goes to sleep. _Fine. Whatever_. In all likelihood the dog's just missing Finn and Rey. For which Poe doesn't blame him. Rey really wanted to hang out earlier, and Poe hated saying no. And Finn… Poe doesn't even know if he's imagining things when it seems like Finn returns his flirtations at times, or if it's real, and Poe's afraid to find out.

Poe, an ex-agent, is way more afraid of Finn rejecting him than he is of Snoke tracking him down.

A hand slams against his window.

"Can I help you?" Poe calls, fingers hovering over the button to lower the window. His gun's in the glove compartment, but he doesn't need it. Yet.

Beebee-Ate whimpers.

"Get out of the car," orders the voice.

Poe snorts and jabs the keys in the ignition.

"Get out, or we shoot your dog," comes a voice on the other side of the car.

Ice crackles over Poe's bones as he removes the keys and opens the car door. His heart leaps to his throat—what if they kill Beebee-Ate anyways?

A fist slams across his face, and Poe falls to the ground, his busted leg giving out on him.

"What do you know about Luke Skywalker?" demands a voice.

"Ben Solo?" Poe croaks, but as he lifts his head from the pavement, he sees a slender man with red hair glaring at him as if he's scum. _Not Ben Solo._

"Where's Luke Skywalker?" The redhead nods at a tall woman who looks alarmingly familiar, though Poe can't place her. She sends a boot into Poe's face. Blood, hot and thick, streams from his nose.

"I don't know," Poe insists. _Dammit_. The information he has—if they check his phone—

"Search his car," the redhead orders. "Again."

The redhead tries to kick his face, but Poe jerks back this time. His head smacks into his tire and he cusses.

Growling echoes from the car. _Beebee, no, they'll shoot you!_

"Nothing," reports a male voice, hurried. "And this dog's gonna bite my hand off if I—"

"Kill the dog," orders the redhead.

"No!" Poe isn't afraid to beg. Not for Beebee-Ate. " _Please_. We haven't found Luke Skywalker yet—that's why—"

"We know you're lying."

"No—you bastards—"

"Let him go," interrupts a deep voice that resonates through Poe's head. He lifts his gaze to see a man he's never seen before, with a beard and overgrown hair and robes that resemble Lor San Tekka's, aiming a gun at the woman. A dog next to the man bares its teeth.

The redhead pales. "Who are—"

"An old friend. Get out of here, you FO Tech bastards."

"There are three of us and one of you," sneers the redhead.

"Want to try me?" The man cocks his weapon. "You play with weapons and you order your lackeys to beat people and you sell weapons to who knows whom, but have you ever been in a real fight?" He glances at Poe, and Poe sees surprising compassion in his eyes. Eyes that look all too familiar. "And you should know that I don't have a silencer. Once I fire, people will flock this place. Is that the kind of press your boss wants?"

"Let's get out of here," urges the male voice, and the woman nods. The redhead caves.

Their footsteps patter away, and the man holsters his gun and reaches down to haul Poe to his feet. Poe gasps as he tries to put weight on his leg and fails. He glances back into his car and sees Beebee-Ate shift—the dog was lying on his phone.

"Are you all right?"

" _You're_ Luke Skywalker," is all Poe can manage to say.

* * *

"You are rinsing off before you get into my car," Kylo orders Rey.

She pops the blue and red gumballs at the bottom of the screwballs Rey insisted they buy, "because the name fits you" into her mouth. "Sure thing. Too much sand?"

"Exactly."

Rey disappears into the women's bathhouse, which is grimier than Niima Coffee Post's backroom. Salt clings to her skin, crusts her hair. She sticks her legs under a faucet to rinse every grain of sand from her leg. She feels the shell Kylo plucked from the sand in her pocket. A few stubborn clumps of sand stick to her calves, so Rey leans down to scrape them off. _Damn, that stings._

Rey finds a mirror blurred with blemishes and splotches she doesn't want to know what from. _Oh shit._

"Well," Rey proclaims as she exits. "It appears I'm slightly overcooked."

Kylo takes her arm and presses his thumb against her skin, which blanches before returning to a dull red. "Why didn't you wear sunblock?"

She takes in his red ears and his nose and starts to laugh. "Why didn't _you?"_

"I don't go to the beach often," he mutters, cringing as he tries and fails to put on his shirt. "Or ever. What's your excuse?"

She usually applies sunscreen the moment she arrives at the beach. Except, this time she chose to call Kylo instead, but Rey won't give him that satisfaction. "Let's get out of here."

"Do you have aloe at your home?" Kylo asks.

"No. I'll get some. I can afford some now!" She grins.

"I can stop at a pharmacy on the way." He pulls out of the parking lot.

"No, because I'm not going to attempt to put a shirt on right now. These shorts are all I can handle."

"I do have some aloe at my house," Kylo suggests. "We can stop. You don't even have to come in. I'll grab it and bring it to you and then drop you off. We're not far from where I live anyways."

 _Are you hitting on me or not?_ Rey can't tell. She can't even tell whether she wants him to hit on her or not. _Oh, don't kid yourself, you do._

But that makes her feel as if she swallowed all the grime from that bathhouse. She remembers what he did to Han, and she tries to hold on to that, hold on to her anger, a familiar companion that cooed in her ear when Unkar yelled at her, that strengthened her when her parents didn't ever come for her. She never asked for anger to appear—it just was there.

And now, it's not, and it should be.

 _He helped you. He_ likes _you. At least as a friend._

He's everything she's ever hated, and yet as she studies his angular profile, his almost too-large nose and his lips, his crooked smile and the beauty marks scattered across his cheeks, as she remembers his offer to help her when she was homeless, his generosity… she doesn't hate him. She _likes_ him.

"Okay," Rey agrees.

When they arrive at Kylo's house, Rey unbuckles her seatbelt but he tells her to wait. _Fine_.

Kylo reappears with a bottle of green goop. Rey wrinkles her nose and winces. "It's green."

"Yes, Rey. It's green."

"I've only seen yellow before."

"Really?" The salt makes his hair stick out at amusing angles too.

"It'll be fine," Rey decides. "I'm presuming it's not some new poison that FO Tech invented."

"Of course not!"

"I was joking." Rey's heart throbs as she opens the bottle and squirts it into her hand. "Of course, there's only one way to tell." She smears it on his cheek, and he gasps and flicks the green gel back at her.

"Careful or you'll wreck your car," Rey teases as she squeezes more out and slaps it on his shoulder. He catches her wrists in his hands and his face is inches from her own. His breath brushes her seared skin, and he's looking at her as if she's something amazing, when she's just being annoying, and Rey doesn't understand what it is, but she feels it too. She drops her eyes to his lips, cracked from the sun, and bites her own.

"Okay," Kylo says, prying himself away. "Let's go."


	9. Between a Rock and a Hard Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux needs to bury what he's done. Rey wants answers from Luke. And Kylo wants a way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much again to everyone for reading--your comments and kudos's are so encouraging.

"Don't say a word to Snoke about this!" Hux snarls to Phasma as they drive away with Nines scowling in the backseat.

"About what? The fact that all your efforts to babysit Kylo Ren are futile?"

"Shut _up_ , woman!"

"Don't talk to her like that," Nines interrupts.

"No, _man_." Phasma glares at him. "I let you talk me into doing this and it turned out just as poorly as I expected. We can't go rogue. That's exactly why you hate Ren."

"I hate him, sure. But Snoke needs him for whatever reason." Hux shrugs. The contempt dripping from Phasma's tone burns him like acid. "I'm trying to save his ass from doing something incredibly stupid for Snoke, for FO Tech. I'm trying to finish the mission he can't even complete because he's lazy or whatever."

"No, you're doing it for _yourself_ ," Phasma counters. "If you sacrifice everything, even your personal hatred for Ren, for the good of Snoke, maybe he'll somehow notice, intuitively pick up on it. You're wrong. He won't. And even if he does, he won't care."

"Don't talk about Snoke like that—you hardly know him—"

"I'm not criticizing Snoke. I'm criticizing _you_."

Hux bites his tongue so hard he tastes blood. He swallows the bitter taste, wishing he could spit it out.

He pulls back in FO Tech's parking lot. "Go."

Nines scrambles out of the car, but Phasma doesn't move. "I said _go_ ," Hux snarls.

"You know that Snoke's going to find out what you've done," Phasma says without looking at Hux.

"How?"

"You know he's got people watching you just as he's got that secretary watching Ren. Watching your computer files, probably tracking your phone. And if Ren can't do anything about it, don't expect yourself to be able to do anything, either. You're trapped in a mess of your own making."

"Why would you go along with it, then?" Hux cries out, panic crashing over him in waves. He, who prides himself of being cool, collected, calm in the face of… anything. Everything.

Feeling is for the weak.

Feeling _is_ weak.

And now, he's adrift and at Snoke's mercy, and he hates it.

"Because I thought you would _succeed_ ," Phasma retorts.

 _She thought I would succeed_?

Hux isn't sure whether he wants to pull a Kylo Ren and put his fist through glass to stab the shame of _not_ succeeding out of him, or to grasp onto the rope she's dangling—that she believed in him.

"What do we do now?" Hux asks, staring at the empty blue of his steering wheel.

"You should probably go explain yourself to Snoke," Phasma says. "And if possible, leave me out of it." The door slams, and she stalks away.

"Fine," Hux says, even though she can't hear him. He watches her hips sway as she walks and closes his eyes, leans his head back.

_You can't fail._

* * *

"I'll call my sister," Luke says grimly as he loiters in the lobby of Poe's building. "Meet you upstairs. Artoo, wait with me." His dog stops sniffing at Beebee-Ate and lies down.

"That's not going to be a quick phone call," Poe points out.

Luke waves his hand as if to say it doesn't matter. Poe hobbles into the elevator. His nose throbs, and he presses against it. Is it broken?

At least he's found Luke. Sort of. Well, Luke found _him_.

"Oh my God!" Finn yelps when Poe staggers in, Beebee-Ate on his heels. "What the hell happened to you?"

"FO Tech happened," Poe gripes, even though he shouldn't. "And then Luke Skywalker happened."

"Are you kidding me? What the— _what?_ " Finn marches towards the fridge, yanking the freezer door open and pulling out an ice pack. "Luke Skywalker?"

"Yeah… we found him. Sort of." Poe accepts the ice pack and details the afternoon's crazy events.

"What kind of work do you even _do_ for Alderaan House?" Finn wants to know, because of course he does.

"Uh… I don't quite work for Alderaan House," Poe admits. "I mean, I do. Kind of. They're hired me. But I _used_ to be an agent. For the government."

"Are you serious?"

Poe cracks his eyes open to see Finn gaping at him. Finn's hand rests on Poe's shoulder, strong and warm even though the thin cotton of Poe's shirt. "I wasn't satisfied. I felt like I was a tool and like they were turning a blind eye to things. So when Leia got in touch with me and told me she wanted to find her brother, wanted to bring FO Tech down, I leaped at the chance. I do some advocacy work, which Leia pays me for, and then I do my own investigation, which she pays me for from her own funds, not the company's. She and Luke were buddies of my parents, you know. My mom died on Luke's last mission."

"How come you never told me?"

"We haven't known each other all that long," Poe mutters. The ice burns and he lifts it from his nose and tries to sniff. Nope. _And everyone kept telling me not to trust you._

"Do you get hurt a lot?" Finn ventures, fiddling with the edges of his jacket. Poe's jacket.

"Not hit by cars," Poe jokes, only to see Finn's eyes lower towards the floor.

_Does he know more than he's saying about that?_

_Stop being paranoid, Dameron._ Poe doesn't know what happened that night, but he does know Finn.

"You should be careful," Finn tells him, meeting Poe's gaze. "FO Tech can do some scary shit."

"I know. But I can't fail Leia. And now I haven't, so."

"Leia or your parents?" Finn questions.

Poe swallows, leaning the side of his head that isn't bruised against the couch. Finn's face is inches from his own, and Poe can't tear his eyes away. "Both," he whispers.

The door swings open and Rey comes in. Finn looks away from Poe, looks up, and Poe curses internally.

"Damn, Rey," Finn says. "Am I going to play nursemaid for both of you?"

"What happened to Poe?" Rey, clad in oversized, shredded jean shorts and a black bikini top, peers over the couch. "Oh my God!"

"Oh my God yourself," Poe retorts. "If you wanted to try lobster so badly, Rey, you could have asked. You didn't need to try and become one."

"Seriously, Rey, do I need to google the symptoms of sun poisoning?" Finn wonders, reaching for his laptop.

"I'll be fine." Rey rolls her eyes and hesitates. "I went to the beach with Kylo Ren."

"What the fuck?" Poe yanks the ice pack away from his nose. " _Kylo Ren?"_

"I thought you handed his ass to him last night!" Finn protests.

"I kind of did… but neither of you were willing to go with me. And I didn't want to go alone. And he called me and apologized, and it seemed sincere—"

"Oh, did he say he was going immediately to Han's place to prostrate himself at his father's feet and a-fucking-pologize?" Poe demands. "Because how else do you think he's sincere?"

"I don't know." Rey winces as she examines her arms. "He's an asshole for sure, but he's also kind of nice. To me at least." She drops onto the armchair and tells them about the night on the bench, when she kicked those men away and when Kylo helped her.

"And he didn't expect anything?" Finn asks, eyebrows raised.

"If you're implying I slept with him, I'm offended. No. He didn't."

Poe opens his mouth and closes it. _You invited Finn to live with you knowing you're attracted to him._

_It's not the same thing. At all._

"His voice message…" Rey plays it for them. Poe shudders. "I think he's lonely. And I know what that's like. I mean, he's a jerk in so many ways—a monster, really—but he's not at the same time."

"I know loneliness too," Finn says, voice tight. "But I don't push away people who try to come near me, _like my own father_. Not that I have one."

"For some reason, he's not pushing _me_ away," Rey says. "Why not?"

"Don't look at me," Poe groans. "Because I had another little encounter with FO Tech today—"

"You're not obligated to do anything with or for him," Finn says as Rey gapes at Poe in horror.

"I don't feel obligated. I just—I don't know. I care about him. How can that be wrong?"

The door creaks open again. "You should know better than to leave it unlocked," Luke intones.

"Sorry," says Rey.

* * *

Rey excuses herself to take a shower as quickly as possible. The water pricks her skin like needles. She slathers aloe on her body after and still cringes as she slides on a beige t-shirt. It feels as if it's peeling her skin front her bones. Her fingers close around the shell, and she stares at the sparkly gold. _Did you order Poe's attack, too?_ She's almost afraid to text him. But she does.

She pads out of the bathroom and finds Luke still there, sitting with Poe and Finn. His dog and Beebee-Ate snuggle.

 _Luke Skywalker_. Is here. In her apartment.

"You," Luke calls. "Rey."

"Yeah?" She freezes. _I'm not a monster._

But his smile disarms any defenses she's grappling for in her brain. "So you've been hanging out with my nephew."

Rey remembers what Kylo told her earlier, about living with his uncle. _They were tired of me._ Was that the same reason her parents abandoned her? "Yeah. While you've been…?"

Poe's jaw drops. Luke narrows his eyes. Rey's too burned and too tired to care. She settles onto the floor. "I won't tell him you're back, if you don't want me to."

"I don't," Luke says.

Rey studies him. A beard cloaks half of his face, but his eyes give everything away. _Like uncle, like nephew_. "Can we talk alone sometime?" she requests.

Luke folds his hands on his knee. "Well, I'm waiting for Leia to get back into town, which should take approximately two hours. Let's talk."

Rey looks to her roommates. Poe rolls his eyes and holds out his arm. "Help requested."

Finn laughs and hauls Poe upright.

"So," Luke says. "How did you meet Ben?"

 _Ben_. Not Kylo. Rey tells about the coffee shop, about Han, about losing her job and Kylo helping her. And how she found out who he was. "I haven't told Leia." She bites her lips and winces, realizing they're burned and swollen too. "Will you?"

"That her son apparently has some sort of fixation on you? No, you can do that. Whenever you wish. I won't push you to," he clarifies.

" _Fixation_?"

"He's got a bit of an obsessive personality."

Rey twirls a wet strand of hair. "So do I." She swallows and looks back to Luke. "He said you were close to him when he was young."

Luke nods. "I was. But he didn't—when he got to a certain age, he started pushing everyone away. He didn't want me. He wanted his parents, and he hated them for sending him away, so he didn't want them at the same time."

"Why did they send him away?" Rey queries. Is it normal for everyone in this Skywalker-Solo family to open up right away? Rey's not used to it, but she envies them their ability to strip their skin so readily, while she's locked up with so many secrets she'll never drag out and so many questions she's afraid to ask.

"Ben didn't tell you?"

"Why do you call him Ben?" Rey asks, her face hot even though she isn't embarrassed. _Damn sunburn._ "He's legally Kylo Ren now."

"He'll always be Ben to me," Luke says quietly. "He was named for my dearest friend." He clears his throat. "There were death threats. Han broke a major story, and Leia's always been a controversial figure. Someone starting following Ben, taking pictures of him at school, whenever he would go out with friends, all of that stuff, with a clear message of _I could kill your son if I wanted to_." He sighs. "Ben knew, but he didn't quite understand all of it. They thought he'd be safer with me—I just had a desk job by then." Guilt winds its way through his tone, climbs to his eyes.

"You left because he left," Rey states. _Why didn't you look for him?_

"Precisely. I… fell into a depression. When I started recovering, it had already been too long—and when I found out who her son had become, I couldn't bring myself to break the news to her." Luke laughs. "You're easy to talk to, Rey. I think I know why my nephew likes you."

No one's ever said anything like that to her before. Rey shifts. Her teachers always said she was awkward, her foster parents that she was too brash. "You know what he did to Han," she says.

"Yes. And Lor San Tekka gave me your roommate's information."

"Poe's been looking for you?" Rey yanks out her phone and checks it, not caring how rude she appears.

 _Of course not!_ is Kylo's indignant response to her question about whether he ordered Poe beaten. _I swear. I'm honestly not sure anyone from FO Tech did that.  
_

She kind of believes him. Or, at least, believes the part where he doesn't know anything about it.

"Um—" Luke's eyes dart to Poe's closed door, and Rey starts to put the pieces together. "Yes. Poe and Han, and several others. I imagine."

Rey crosses her arms and winces. How is she going to avoid touching anything until this burn heals? "Why would Ben do that?" When she remembers the bruises on Han's face, his remorse seems limp in comparison, like a band-aid where there should be a tourniquet. "And why is he looking for you, too?"

He works for monsters. How long until he becomes one? Rey thinks of the toenail shell and feels the aloe on her skin and doesn't understand. But she can't be his friend if he's going to work there.

"As to your first question, Snoke. That man is persuasive. I know him. He wanted Ben since he met him. He can keep him as Kylo Ren, milk him for his obvious business talents, and then if Leia ever steps too far out of line—as she's awfully close to doing now—Snoke can expose who Kylo Ren is and ruin her. Snoke doesn't care about Ben. He's a weapon Snoke can store and sharpen until he needs to unleash it. Snoke is brilliant, Rey, and he saw a part of Ben we didn't see. He reached a part of him that Leia and Han and me—that we all didn't see until it was too late." Luke drains his glass of water. "As for why my nephew's looking for me, I imagine he thinks that if he finds me, I might be able to convince his mother—his father, even—to stop pressing for the FO Tech investigation. At least, I hope that's why he's looking for me. And I imagine FO Tech's looking for me to circumvent any risk of him doing just that. Snoke doesn't trust Ben. He'd be a fool to." Luke sighs. "But this is all just conjecture."

 _Kylo might be trying to protect his mother,_ Rey realizes. _Kylo, or Ben?_ She'll have to ask him. "Thank you," she says. "For being so… open."

Luke manages a wry smile. "Thank you for _listening_."

* * *

"Where were you yesterday?" Hux demands as Kylo arrives at FO Tech the next morning, stiff. His shirt feels like a knife scratching his scorched skin. "Oh, sweet Jesus. Were you sailing or something?"

"I'm allowed to take days off," Kylo snaps, fury in his tone. _Poe Dameron_. He wonders if Rey believes him or not. He never had any intention of hurting the ex-agent. _Who found him first?_ Only Snoke knew the name... but Snoke's not dumb enough to attack someone they need information from.

 _And he's her roommate._ Kylo wants to vomit each time he remembers that.

"We have an important project and you need to pull your weight!" Hux yells after him.

"One day off doesn't—"

"No, but you never do take days off." Hux scrambles to follow him. "You can't afford to get distracted now. If you're really so bothered by what happened with Han Solo—"

"That's not it at all," Kylo snaps, turning around to face his colleague.

"Yes," Hux tells him, studying Kylo's face that looks as if it's been dipped in tomato sauce. "I think it is."

"Fuck off, Hux." Kylo unlocks his office door.

"It's that girl, not Han Solo," Mitaka's voice cuts in.

"What _girl_?" Hux asks.

"Excuse me?" Kylo glowers at his secretary, who shrinks in his chair.

"It was just a joke," Mitaka squeaks.

This is just fantastic. Now Hux won't stop until he tracks down every piece of information he can find on Rey. Which, given that Kylo gave Mitaka whatever information he had, it's a miracle Hux doesn't already know more about Rey than Kylo does.

If only Mitaka weren't Snoke's spy. Kylo would fire him. But he can't really give the man any sort of orders beyond "set up this appointment for ten o'clock."

Kylo slams his office door and leans against it. Some days, this palace feels like a prison, like he's in maximum security and solitary confinement.

His phone rings within an hour, and Kylo answers to hear Snoke's voice on the other end. "Hux told me you missed yesterday to hang out with a girl. A nobody, according to Mitaka, without even a degree—"

"She's a friend who needed help earlier," Kylo interrupts. And she's the girl he almost kissed yesterday. The girl he _would_ have kissed, if he wasn't so afraid that he'd be so atrocious at it she'd laugh at him.

"She's not worthy of you," Snoke says dismissively. "You're an established businessman. I can't have you throwing the Starkiller deal away from some tramp."

"She's _just a friend_. It's nothing. I just took _one_ day. I've taken days before—"

"When times were slow and allowed for it. When we're in crunch mode, it's very unlike you." Snoke pauses. "I need you to give me your best, Kylo Ren. For the next three weeks. Can you do that?"

Kylo presses his arm against a rough patch of wood on his desk, splinters scrabbling at his dying skin. "Yes."

"We shall see." Snoke snorts. "Don't let me down." And he hangs up.

Now he's lost visitation privileges, too. Kylo drops his head to his desk. His throat feels like sandpaper, and he rises to get some water.

"If he hasn't said anything yet, I'm guessing we're homefree," Hux is saying to Phasma. Kylo cocks his head, studying them. At the very least, he can give Hux a taste of his own medicine.

"Maybe." Phasma sounds doubtful. "But Finn—we shouldn't underestimate him. He's the type of employee who could have climbed high."

 _They did it,_ Kylo realizes. And there's nothing he can do about it except inform Snoke and hope his boss fires them both. Except, if Hux gets fired, that will put the entire Starkiller project on Kylo's shoulders. And he doesn't want that.

"I agree with Hux here, Phasma," Kylo interjects, thinking of Rey. "For once. Give it a rest."

Phasma gapes at him, but Hux's nostrils flare.

"Fortunately, you're not my direct supervisor," Phasma informs him, crossing her arms. In heels, she's taller than Kylo.

Something like black fire flames inside him as he stalks back to his office, chugging cool water. He reaches for his phone to text Rey. Time to find out if she blames him or not. _Do you want to get dinner sometime?_


	10. Uncharted Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia confronts her brother, Snoke threatens Hux, Phasma tracks down Finn, and Kylo and Rey have a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your comments and kudoses--they mean so much to me. Rather long chapter tonight!

"You haven't run away again yet," Leia says to her brother on Monday. She crosses her arms. "I'm impressed."

Luke swallows. Artoo sits by his feet. "Leia, you know I couldn't… I couldn't face you. Not after Ben left, and I—I was so depressed. I felt like such a failure. I—"

"I could have helped you!" Leia shakes her head, anger storming up her throat. "I wouldn't have—I know you weren't in the best frame of mind to get anything done, to look for him after everything happened—but I would have helped you. _Been_ there for you." Because no one was there. Her son ran and she couldn't find a trace of him. Her brother left weeks later. Her husband grew distant, taking long, overseas assignments, leaving Leia with only Alderaan House as a glue to keep herself together.

Except, Leia already knows that her work healed her and tore her family apart. Just like Han's work. If they'd been there for Ben…

But they couldn't have. They'd both established their reputations long before Ben was born. _He never had a chance._

"I don't know how much help I can be," Luke says quietly. "I don't know whether I want to be that much help. I don't know whether you'd want me to."

"Why wouldn't I? FO Tech needs to be taken down. Between Han's story and Poe's investigation, we could do it." They _need_ to do it. Leia's seen too many mothers' tears, the children asking where their fathers are. She can't tolerate it anymore.

"Because you know as well as I do that your son works there. He's a higher-up. If Snoke goes down, he goes down."

"It's the greater good."

"Isn't that exactly the attitude that lost you Ben?" Luke points out.

"What do you suggest, Luke?" Leia demands. "If Ben goes to jail, he'll still be here. I'll know he's alive. I'll be able to _see_ him. That's all I want."

It's not, though. She wants to hold her baby in her arms again, run her hand over the black tufts of his hair, wrap her love around him and know that he feels loved and safe and secure.

 _It's too late,_ Han told her brokenly through a smashed lip and with blood still trickling from a gash on his temple. And then her ex doubled over and sobbed.

 _It's not too late._ If Ben can get away from Snoke's influence… even in prison, he'd be freer than he is now. Leia knows Snoke, and what he can do.

 _He doesn't want to protect us,_ Chewie whispered when Luke shared his theory as to why Kylo was looking for him.

_What if he does? There's still light in him, I know it._

"How long have you known he was Kylo Ren?" Luke inquires.

"We heard of Kylo Ren six years ago. I didn't think anything of it. I paid so many private investigators, Luke—you know I couldn't make it public. People were still looking to harm me, to harm him. For years, I thought they might've found him, or that he was lying dead in a gutter." Leia blinks back tears. "They never found him. But when we found out about FO Tech selling to cartels—at least, when Poe found some evidence, I called Han. I asked him to get involved." And he came, her ex-husband, because even in spite of all the fights and all the hateful words slung at each other, she loves him. And Ben binds them together, in their best and worst moments. "He found out who Kylo Ren was. Recently."

And she'd crumpled when she heard it, because she knew she should have looked harder at Snoke. _You missed your chance._

She sees Luke close his eyes and arch his neck, no doubt thinking the same. If they'd just pursued harder.

And Han's beating sends a clear message.

Still, Leia believes. _There will be more chances. Always._

* * *

When Snoke summons Hux, he knows why.

_I'm dead._

Hix stands and checks his image in the small decorative mirror on his wall. Hair smooth and clothing unwrinkled, without even a cat hair. He can do this.

_You're Brendol Hux's son. You do not apologize. You can explain._

Hux strides down the hallways, jaw set and fists tightened. He takes the elevator up, keeping his breaths short and constriction. _Don't waver._

"Come in," Snoke directs. The fury blazing from each line in his face strikes Hux in the chest. He steps forward, wishing he could run.

"Can you tell me," Snoke seethes. "What in the _hell_ you thought you were doing?"

"I thought if we could—"

Snoke leans across his desk, eyes dark and rabid and snapping. " _Thought_. On what evidence? I advise _risks_ , Hux, but not blind ones!"

"Kylo Ren needs to be—"

"I trust Kylo Ren at the moment more than I trust _you_! You, who seemed so competent—" Snoke shakes his head. "You come running to me to tattle on Kylo Ren, and think that does you _favors_ while you're concealing your own missteps? Your father would be so disappointed in you."

Hux thinks of Kylo's father, calling out for a son who's now a ghost.

"He didn't believe you could go very far, thought you were too foolish," Snoke continues. "I saw something in you. I gave you this job and you proved him wrong every day, until now. Was _I_ wrong?"

Hux shakes his head. "No, Snoke—I—it won't happen again."

"It won't," Snoke agrees, leaning back and flicking his fingers.

"If they have Luke Skywalker—he was the best at what he did. You know it, and I know it. He brought down Empire. I think it's reasonable to be concerned—"

"I _am_ concerned, Hux. Which is why I am proceeding cautiously." Snoke sighs. "As for Phasma—"

A lump grows in Hux's throat. "It was my idea, not hers. I take full responsibility."

"Good. Have her track that kid. The one who left, the scholarship recipient. I have it on good authority he lives with Kylo Ren's girlfriend. And that Dameron character."

"So you agree?" Hux asks. "We should be keeping tabs on Kylo Ren?"

"I didn't say I agreed or not, Hux. I simply said it. It has nothing to do with Kylo Ren. Tell Phasma to do what she can to use what that boy knows for our greater good."

"And how is she to do that?"

"She'll know."

"Nines?"

"The other kid? I plan on firing him and teaching him a lesson."

Hux cannot lose another valuable member of his program. Not two in one month. "Do we need to resort to such drastic measures? It's not as if he's a random we hired. He's talented. He's dedicated. Maybe reassign him, watch him more carefully—but I assure you if he didn't think—"

"Fine," Snoke snaps. He shakes his head. "You can go."

"I won't disappoint you again, Snoke," Hux insists before turning for the door.

"I know you won't," Snoke answers.

He knows Hux won't. Because Hux is predictable. And predictability is a trait Hux has always valued.

But as he tries to predict the rest of his future, Hux isn't sure he likes what he sees.

* * *

Finn wanders back towards Alderaan House on his lunch break when a familiar voice shouts his name from behind him.

_Oh no._

_Oh_ fuck.

Finn takes off, running as fast as he can past confused couples and mothers with strollers. He can hear her footsteps pounding the pavement behind him, catching up. She's got at least six inches on him. He has no chance— _please_ —

Her hand snakes out and grabs his shoulder, twisting him into a side alley and slamming him up against a brick building. Finn gapes into Phasma's face, knotted with fury.

"What do you want?" Finn gags. He considers screaming _let go of me_ , but it won't work. If she's found him once, she can find him again.

_There's no hiding from FO Tech._

The only one who did it successfully is Luke Skywalker, and now everyone knows he's back.

"An explanation," Phasma sneers.

"I gave you it that day at Niima—" His windpipe constricts, and it isn't from her arm. Finn gulps for air.

"No. Now you're working for Alderaan House. Now you're—"

"Happy?" Finn manages. "Happy that I'm not participating in slaughtering—"

"We gave you _everything_. From the time you were in high school. Without us, you'd be stuck at some community school, serving McDonald's."

"Yeah?" Finn stammers, trying to focus, focus on Rey, on Poe, on Leia. "I'd still have a conscience."

Phasma's face blanches, and she removes her arm from Finn's neck. "I took care of you, Finn. If you let this ridiculous guilt—"

" _That's_ what you're worried about!" Realization shatters the cage of anxiety closing in on him. "You're worried I'll go to the police and share some shady details. You're worried about _you_."

"It's a legitimate concern," Phasma snarls. "And it's not just me. It's the company. I care about FO Tech."

Finn remembers all her impassioned speeches, starting with her recruitment at his high school, and then all the little speeches about what a powerful and great company FO Tech was that she gave to Finn over the phone, when he struggled in his college classes. _Why is she so loyal to FO Tech?_ Finn wonders. "If I haven't turned you in for running—that guy—over, what makes you think that—"

" _Yet_." Phasma glowers at him.

 _I'm in charge now,_ Finn realizes. _I hold the power. Sort of. I'm in charge. Take that, Phasma!_

 _Bring it down, Finn, bring it down,_ he tells himself. She could easily send thugs after him. "Everything was classified at FO Tech anyways," he tells her. "I just want to be free to live my own life, away from FO Tech. I won't interfere." Except, will he? When he thinks about what they did to Poe…

 _You're a liar_.

"What did we do wrong?" Phasma asks.

 _Oh for God's sake!_ "It's not you, it's me," Finn tells her drolly. "Now I'm going to go back to work, okay?"

"No." Phasma grabs his arm again. "It's not—"

"What the hell?"

"You're the only person from our scholarship program, who's been given so much, to leave, and I—"

"Just because FO Tech gave you everything you wanted doesn't mean it ever gave me—"

"Everything I wanted?" Phasma snorts. "Hardly. It helped me see that my wants are insignificant. I was part of their first batch of scholarship students, you know. No one thought I could do any good, but I did. You reminded me of _me_ , Finn, and now Snoke is—"

"Finn? You okay?" Rey's voice, sweet and yet powerful, interrupts. She and another girl—Jess, if Finn remembers correctly—stare at the two of them.

"Um, yeah," Finn says, glancing at Phasma. "I'm fine. We're fine."

He's about to tell Phasma that he's going to go now, but the look on Phasma's face, the hungry, familiar way she looks at Rey, stalls him. "I'll catch up with you," he tells Rey and Jess, who nod.

"So she's your friend," Phasma states. "Your roommate, and your dear friend."

"What do you know about her?" Finn demands, blood surging hot under his skin.

"Rey? I know that she was dumped off as a foster kid when she was five. I know her parents were no ones. I also know the court tried to place her with Luke Skywalker, but he reneged on their deal. And that Kylo Ren is utterly infatuated with her and Snoke doesn't like it one bit."

Finn feels as if he's standing still while everything—the brick building, the trees, the smog-infected sky—spins. "Rey and Luke Skywalker? Snoke and—oh my God."

_Does Luke know?_

Finn has no idea. Rey certainly doesn't.

"Your side keeps secrets too," Phasma taunts him.

"You're lying."

"Am I?" Phasma crosses her arms. "Hux ordered me to research the girl. I can keep her off the radar, provided you keep your mouth shut about everything you know about FO Tech."

 _No. No no no_ —his freedom disintegrates in his fingers. "I already told you I won't—"

"And," Phasma continues. "Should the day ever come where you need to warn us—about _anything_ , because yes, I know who your other roommate is—you will do so."

"Or what?" Finn snarls.

Phasma crosses her arms, her eyes like dark pools simmering with cruelty. "Or Kylo Ren will lose his girlfriend."

* * *

"Stupid thing," Han mutters, slamming several keys on his computers as Jess waves goodbye to Rey.

Rey's stomach twists itself as she ponders Finn arguing with that woman. The same woman who he argued with in Niima Coffee Post.

"Hey, kid," Han says, waving at Rey. Chewie nods at her.

"Here to see Leia?" Rey asks.

"Kind of. And Luke. Heard he was at your place on Saturday." Han's eyes sweep her up and down.

"You should put aloe on that burn," Chewie suggests.

"I have been," Rey admits. The blisters are finally starting to burst and run, and she has to wear long sleeves even though it hurts just so that people won't think she has bubonic plague.

"Yeesh," Chewie comments.

Han mutters something at his screen again. "Oh, come on now."

"Computer troubles?" Rey asks.

"Yeah, one of my encryptions is being… difficult."

"I might be able to fix it," Rey offers.

" _You?"_ Han looks at her in shock. _The coffee girl?_ he's probably thinking.

"Yeah. I'm quite good with computers." Rey reaches for his laptop, and Han hands it over. Within five minutes, she hands it back to him with a smile.

"What'd you do?" Han asks, eyeing her in suspicion.

"Well, see, I went through the—"

"Nope, never mind. I don't have time for that mumbo-jumbo." Han shakes his head. "Good job, kid."

Rey peers at his face. His bruises have faded from maroon and indigo to yellow and brown. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Han waves his hand and glances at Chewie.

"It's your son, right?" Rey quizzes, heart pounding. She wants to gauge his reaction. Does he hate Kylo?

Han shrugs, but the look in his eyes is one of raw, searing pain. Rey swallows.

 _Whatever journalist project he's working on,_ Rey thinks. _It could bring his son down too. And he has to know that_. "Do you still love him?" _Probably not a polite question to ask, Rey._

"Of _course_ I do," Han spits, as if the suggestion otherwise nauseates him. "He's my son. I might've lost him for good, but I'll never—I'll always—" He stops himself. Chewie groans.

_Lost him for good._

Has he?

Would Han think that, if he knew of the guilt stirring within Kylo? Within Ben?

* * *

"So Rey and I saw Finn talking to a woman from FO Tech. The one who heads up all that recruiting. Phasma," Jess says, hooking her fingers in her pockets.

"And…?" Poe drawls.

" _And_ , it looked like an intense conversation. Like they were arguing."

Anger flares through Poe. _Poor Finn._ "They were probably harassing him."

"Maybe." Jess's tone irks Poe. Leia trusts Finn, he trusts Finn, everyone trusts Finn. Even Jess said she liked him two friggin' days ago.

Poe pushes his chair back and storms away. He passes Luke in the hall and nods at him. "Sir."

"Nose doing okay?" Luke calls.

Poe stops. "Yeah. Not the first time it's been broken. Probs not the last."

Luke studies Poe and smiles. "You look like your mother."

"Really?" Poe's face flushes to the roots of his hair.

"You've got her hair and eyes," Luke says. "She and Kes were dear friends of mine."

Poe nods, a lump in his throat. "Thank you." He's lived his whole life for their values, hoping that wherever they are, they're proud of him.

Luke's gaze travels past Poe and hones in on Rey, who chats with Chewie. Shadows fall over Luke's face, and Poe cocks his head.

"See you later," Luke tells Poe, clapping him on the shoulder and heading towards Leia's office.

That night, Finn drives Poe and Beebee-Ate home. Rey claimed she was meeting friends. Although Poe suspects she's just meeting one friend, and doesn't want to deal with the inevitable grief they'll give her.

"How was your day?" Poe questions, studying Finn.

"Fine." Finn clenches his fingers against the steering wheel.

Poe waits for Finn to speak. Instead, Finn seems to swallow his words.

 _No_. Poe's not having any of this shit. He's not letting Jess's implications influence him, fed by a silent void. "Jess told me she and Rey saw you arguing with someone from FO Tech."

Finn exhales. "Yeah. Phasma. She's the one who recruited me. Back in high school." His voice shakes.

"What did she _want_?"

"To know why, what went wrong, stuff like that. I didn't really want to tell her anything besides that I was sick of working for them and I want to live my own life."

"Okay… are _you_ okay?"

Finn shrugs. "I'll be fine."

But when they arrive at their apartment and Finn goes to his room, Poe hears the telltale gasps of a panic attack. Poe pauses outside Finn's door, his hand hovering over the doorknob.

He doesn't twist it open.

* * *

"I thought about going out, but then I figured we could just eat here," Kylo says nervously as Rey enters his house. _And it'd be safer._

Rey grins. "Can we eat out by the pool? It's not too hot and it's getting dark, so we won't burn."

"I don't have a table—"

"Lounge chairs are fine," Rey declares. The skin on her forehead is starting to peel, and Kylo knows his skin looks the same. But her olive green top calls out the green in her eyes, and Kylo's heart skips a beat.

She agreed to spend time with him. Again. _Why?_

He's spent the past week agonizing over his work and helping Hux on this Starkiller project as little as he can while still coming across as working hard. He might earn back Snoke's trust. And if he can do that, maybe he can be free to pursue something with Rey.

"I did stop at a place and pick up Italian," Kylo says. "And I have wine."

"As long as it's red wine." Rey winks.

"Done." He has both red and white.

When he envisioned this dinner in his mind, he never pictured eating with a plate on his lap, a wine glass resting on the concrete near his pool. But Rey's with him and they're both laughing and she hasn't brought up his parents so far.

Their conversation lulls, and Rey sighs. "One of the people from FO Tech came after Finn today."

"A tall woman?"

"Yup."

"Phasma," Kylo says, rolling his eyes. "I'll tell her to stop." Although, since he already did, he's not sure what good it'll do. Anger simmers. How dare she?

"Good. Finn deserves to be left alone by your goons." Rey pours herself a second glass of wine, and tops off Kylo's. "And Poe, too."

"If you think my work is so terrible, why don't you think I'm terrible?' Kylo asks as he swallows the sour wine. It churns in his mind.

"I don't know," Rey admits. Kylo's heart plummets. "But you're not."

 _You're not. You're not terrible_.

"I can't reconcile it. I don't want to be your friend, not when you work for them. But you helped me. I don't understand. Aren't you better than them?"

"What if I'm not?"

"What if you are?"

 _How can she even still ask that?_ "How is my—Han Solo?"

Rey pauses, spinning her finger around the rim of her glass. A moan erupts from it. She stops. "I talked to him today, actually. He needed computer help."

Kylo smirks.

"He said he loves you." Rey meets his eyes and downs half her glass.

The words get stuck. Kylo can't process them. "Did you—"

"I didn't tell him I knew you," Rey interrupts. "I just… asked. And he said he still loves you. That he'll always love you."

 _No._ He can't have. The words, they caress Kylo's face and he wants to shy away, wants to stab them away, erase them because he knows Rey wouldn't lie to him about this and yet he wants to jump and scream at her that she's a liar, because to believe it would be to swallow razor blades, to bleed out from his own mistakes. "He didn't," is all Kylo can manage.

"He did." Rey finishes her second glass and peers at him. Kylo chugs his own wine, wanting to numb these feelings, the pain twisting and scraping his insides.

"He doesn't, though."

"Yes, he does. Aren't parents supposed to love you?"

"Did yours?" Kylo asks. It's almost completely dark, and indigo shadows cloak Rey's frame.

"I don't know who they are. Presumably not." Rey grabs the wine and pours a third glass, but doesn't raise it to her lips. "But yours do. All mine would have to do is… frickin' show _up_."

Kylo's heart aches, and it has less to do with him and more to do with the raw agony seeping through Rey's tone. "Do you remember them at all?"

She shakes her head. "Nope." She sips the wine and makes a face. "I remember my father's voice, though. At least I think it was my father. He said: 'stay here, sweetheart. I'll come back for you.'" She lets out a barking laugh. "He didn't."

"I'm so sorry," Kylo says.

"Why won't you go to your parents?" Rey demands, her voice wobbling. "You have them."

"They weren't there for me either. I mean, not in the same way yours weren't… but they still weren't. Snoke was."

Rey sets her wine down. "Why would you trade something freely given for something you have to earn?"

Kylo shakes his head, searching his mind, his feelings, trying to find a thread of reason as to why. "Because it's easier to trust that way? You don't have to rely on other people. You only have to rely on yourself." He pushes his wine away.

Rey's still watching him. "You love your mother. Luke said—he thinks you're looking for him, to protect her."

Kylo grabs the bottle of wine and pours more into his glass, splashing some of the red liquid onto the cement.

"You're not denying it?"

"Just because she doesn't love me doesn't mean I want her to suffer," Kylo snaps. "And she's going to create problems. As she always does. I'm protecting my company. And myself." _And her._ "It's more complicated than just that, though." He needs Luke because Snoke needs the files on Galactic Manufacturing, because Snoke's trying to create a superweapon that he doesn't have the knowledge to create on his own, a weapon GM drafted plans to create years earlier. In fact, Kylo wouldn't be shocked if the Starkiller deal provides enough money for Snoke to create whatever this weapon is. Except, if he finds Luke, which he can certainly do now... there's no telling what Snoke will want done to him. And Kylo's not sure he can go through with it. Not again.

"She _is_ suffering. She misses you… misses Ben."

 _He'll always love you._ Kylo presses his burned, peeling face into his knees. "You think I'm a bad person."

"Not really."

"If I were to go back," Kylo hears his own voice coming muffled. "They would hate me. They hate what I stand for. They would never understand."

"How _did_ you wind up working for Snoke exactly?" Rey questions, leaning back on the chair. "If you were raised to believe in your mother's—"

"Weapons protect people, Rey. My mother's wrong about that. At least in part."

"Weapons also kill," Rey points out.

"Yeah, but—" Kylo swallows. "My parents used to take me on trips with them. To war-torn regions so my father could report and my mother could work her _magic_." He laughs because what he's saying isn't funny at all, and it's his flimsiest defense. "I made a friend there when I was eleven. His name was Luca—similar to my uncle's, and he was nice and we liked comic books and we stole one of his father's cigarettes to try together and almost choked ourselves. And then we left, and I had his address, and Mom said Luca and several others would get visas processed soon." He glugs the wine, feeling it burn his throat and wanting to drown himself in it. "But he didn't. People broke in. They massacred them all."

"I'm so sorry," Rey whispers.

Kylo closes his eyes. "If they'd been able to defend themselves… that's what Snoke said, anyways."

"How old were you when Snoke said that?" Rey demands.

"Fifteen." Kylo keeps his eyes squeezed shut as he feels a hand on his face, pressing against his fraying skin. She's sitting on his chair, eyes boring into his as she shakes her head.

"I don't know, Rey. There aren't any good answers, not really, are there? Weapons could have saved them. Or not. But they _could_ have, and—" Kylo shakes his head.

"Do you still miss him?"

Kylo nods. "I wanted the people who killed him to suffer. I _still_ want them to suffer. Mom would say how wrong revenge is, how it's just 'a cycle of hurt' and it's not any good, but God, I _wanted_ it." He blinks. "And Snoke sells to the government opposing this group. That's _good_ , to me."

"Is it? Don't they have families too?" Rey asks.

Kylo shrugs. He doesn't want to cry. Not in front of Rey. "If Snoke lets me take over the company... eventually. I won't run it the same way. I can't."

"Ben," she says, and he jumps.

Kylo shoves his wine glass onto the ground and watches the crimson liquid spill. "Ben's _gone_."

"Do you want him to be?" Rey asks, voice somewhat slurred.

Kylo can't answer. Her face hovers in front of his, and he leans in and opens his mouth over hers. Her lips open, and he tastes the eggplant parmagiana and the wine on her tongue. Her chest presses against his, and he grips her shoulders as if she's keeping him afloat. Her fingers rove through his hair, and he whispers her name when he comes up for air, before sinking back down into her lips. She wants him. She knows, and she still cares.

And then her hand presses against a blister on the back of his neck, and he gasps.

"Sorry," Rey pants as she pulls away. Her fingers rest just over where his pulse throbs in his neck.

She _kissed_ him. The first girl he's kissed since, quite literally, high school. And that girl had gone on to say she'd only done it on a dare, because he was ugly with his oversized nose and ears and lips.

Rey's lips curve into a smile, and Kylo doesn't understand. He wants to kiss her again, dive in to unchartered waters. Then Rey burps, and Kylo remembers how much wine they've both had to drink.

"I'll call you a taxi," he murmurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the Reylo, especially since it's now pretty likely they are not cousins! ;) (Not that I thought they were.)


	11. Collision Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phasma's inspiring employees in all the wrong ways, and Poe makes a move.

**Spinning on that dizzy edge**

**I kissed her face and kissed her head**

**And dreamed of all the ways I had**

**To make her glow**

" **Why are you so far away?" she said**

" **Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?**

" **That I'm in love with you?"**

" **Just Like Heaven," The Cure**

* * *

"Text me when you get home," Kylo requests as Rey stumbles towards the taxi, wine dizzying her.

"'Kay," she mumbles, sliding inside. _He kissed me_. And she kissed him back, and she wanted to keep kissing him, swallow more of him, feel his hands in places she's never let anyone touch before.

 _Finn and Poe are gonna be so pissed_.

What would Leia think? Rey wonders. Or Han? Or Luke? Her head lolls against the window as she sprawls across the seat.

"Seatbelt, please," requests the taxi driver.

"Oh right." Rey fumbles to buckle it. She's such a lightweight. Two glasses was more than enough.

She sees a text from Finn and barely bothers to read it. Her mind gallops ahead, to places she's never been and things she's never done, her imagination whirring with Kylo and possibilities. _On my way home,_ she texts. _Actually pulling up now._

She wishes the taxi driver a goodnight as she steps out, wobbling onto the sidewalk.

"Rey Jakku?"

She doesn't recognize the high-pitched voice from across the street. "Yeah?"

Someone leans out of their car. They're in the dark, and Rey can't make out their face. "Why're you asking for me?" She steps off the sidewalk.

The car—a small car, like a Prius or something—veers to life, and before Rey can respond, it surges at her. She screams.

* * *

Sirens wail, and fear leaps inside of Finn. Rey texted him seven minutes ago that she was pulling up, and she hasn't come in.

"What the heck's going on?" Poe wonders, peering out a window. Beebee-Ate whines.

"It's Rey," Finn says. He rushes out the door and realizes that Poe's staggering behind him, limping.

"How do you—"

"I just do!" Finn punches the door close on the elevator, trying in vain to control his breathing as he rakes his finger over his scalp. The elevator dings and Finn flies out the lobby door.

Sure enough, a small crowd's gathered around Rey, crumpled on the ground and blinking.

" _Rey!"_ Finn yells.

"Oh my fucking—" Poe blurts out.

"A car just rammed right into her—sent her flying!" reports an elderly lady.

"I can move all my legs. Limbs. My legs and my limbs. And my arms," Rey mutters. "I'm not like you, Poe."

"Um, but you clearly hit your head," Poe states as paramedics swarm Rey.

"I'll be fine," she grumbles. "'S not my head. I'm _drunk_."

"You're drunk, _and_ you hit your head," Poe declares. "Which, at the risk of sounding like I'm lecturing you, I'll tell you is not a good combination."

A paramedic crouches in front of Rey, shining a light in her eyes. She blinks.

"Who hit you?" Poe demands.

Finn swallows, cold running down his back in sweat droplets. _Phasma, you lying bitch_.

"I dunno," Rey says.

"A Prius, I think," muses the elderly lady. "They took right off."

 _Not Phasma's car._ But it's someone from FO Tech, Finn knows it.

"Maybe our apartment has bad juju," Poe jokes. "Stick to the sidewalks, Finn."

Finn closes his eyes, trying to stifle a sob.

"We'll meet you at the hospital!" Poe calls to Rey, who grants him a lopsided thumbs-up.

What if they'd killed her?

_They didn't._

Still.

"Here." The lady taps Finn on his shoulder and smiles. Her skin looks almost orange from fake tanner. "Your friend dropped this." She holds out her hand.

Rey's phone. Cracked, but Finn presses the button and it lights up. "Thanks."

Beebee-Ate whimpers as he climbs into the backseat. Finn has to think. Has to drive. _Stop stop stop_.

"You okay?" Poe asks doubtfully.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look it."

"Just—" Finn shakes his head and can't bring himself to tell Poe to shut up.

"Finn, if this is gonna continue to, you know—" Poe gestures. "—be a problem for you, you might wanna think about getting help."

 _No one_ can help. "It's not—it's just—it's you, and now it's Rey—"

"It's not like it was the same person." Poe studies him.

Finn shakes his head. "No, but—" He covers his face with his hands.

"Finn?" Poe ventures.

"I know who hit you," Finn manages. Beebee-Ate shifts in the backseat.

"Um—what?"

"Phasma. The woman I worked for. We went to coffee because I quit—I stopped coming to work, and she tracked me down and tried to convince me to come back—and when we were leaving and I still said no, she pulled out and hit you. It was an accident, but she took off, and I—I felt—I couldn't just leave you there, so I called for help." Finn can't look at Poe. "I lied to the police, though."

"Hey." Poe's hand grips his shoulder, sliding towards his neck. Finn lifts his eyes to meet Poe's. "You still helped me."

"I just—I'm not a liar, and I lied, to the police and to you—"

"You," Poe informs him. "Are too good for this world. Have you really been feeling guilty about that all this time?"

Finn nods. "It's like—it's a tie to FO Tech. I'm still protecting them, even though I left them. Or I was." _And I still am._ For Rey. "It's like a black mark I can't ever cut out of me. That whole company."

"No, it's not," Poe insists, his eyes glinting in the dark. "I don't—Finn, you've got to stop seeing yourself as a 'former employee of FO Tech.' Once you stop, everyone else will see it, too."

Finn shakes his head. "You think so?" You're _too good for this world._

"I know so. Because I don't see you that way, and neither does Rey, or Leia, or Han. You know it. You're a _good_ guy, Finn. You've got a lot of courage, and I mean, goddammit, I admire that. I admire _you_."

"Yeah?" Poe's nose almost touches Finn.

" _Yeah_. Finn, I really—I—" Poe rolls his eyes and then his hand grabs the back of Finn's head and he pulls him closer, and Poe's mouth presses against his. At first Finn stiffens, wishing Poe would pull away not because he wants Poe to, but because Finn's twenty-three and he's never been kissed and surely Poe will realize he's no good at it, and then he starts to relax, following Poe's lead and focusing not on himself, but on Poe and on the fact that Poe _wants_ to kiss him, Poe chose _him_.

An unfamiliar ringtone jolts the car. _Rey's phone_.

Poe pulls away, gasping as he looks at the phone. "Oh damn."

Kylo Ren's name lights up the phone.

Poe answers. "The fuck do you want?"

"The fuck is this?" Kylo sounds shocked.

"Rey's roommate, asshole. Why are you—"

"She said she would call when she got home and I haven't heard from her—"

"Because she got hit by a goddamn car outside out door. We're on our way to the hospital right now," Poe snaps.

Finn twists the keys in the ignition. Excitement shivers and snaps down his spine. Poe _kissed me._

"What?" Kylo genuinely sounds horrified. He's spluttering, and his voice is strangled. "She—she—a car—she got hit— _what_ car?"

"Who knows? Although given people in your organization's records…" Poe lets the sentence dangle.

"What hospital?" Kylo demands.

"You aren't gonna tell him, are you?" Finn hisses.

Poe grimaces and covers the phone. "What would Rey want?"

Finn rolls his eyes, a smile taking over his face.

* * *

"Where is she?" Kylo—or _Ben Solo_ , Finn supposes—barges into the emergency room, hair flying wildly around his face and his eyes welling up with terror.

"She's got a concussion and a few broken ribs. They said they'll be keeping her overnight and we can see her in a half hour," Poe reports, stretching out his own injured leg.

Kylo's gaze traces Poe's own bloody face. He swallows.

 _He actually likes her_ , Finn realizes. He's not the crazy monster Finn always pictured, a dark-haired version of the sneering Hux with Phasma's cruelty sparking from even his smile. He looks far more like the grinning boy from the picture on Leia's desk, except he's not grinning right now. He keeps opening and closing his mouth as if trying to decide whether to speak.

"I've got to find a bathroom," Poe announces. "Will you be okay, Finn? You know—with him?"

Kylo crosses his arms and scowls.

"Yeah," Finn says. "I think so." And there's fire flashing inside him now—rage, and fire, and courage he thought he couldn't remember ever possessing but realizes is _there_. He glares at Kylo as Poe wobbles out of sight. "You know one of your goons did this."

Kylo shakes his head. "That's impossible."

"Is it? Who owns a Prius?"

Kylo frowns. "I—I don't know."

"Yeah? Well, Phasma and I had a little encounter earlier today," Finn snarls. And he tells Kylo precisely what Phasma said.

Kylo's face drains.

"You make sure she's safe," Finn says, pushing Kylo in the chest. "No matter what. I know she can take care of herself, but don't give her a reason to have to, you understand?"

"And you?" Kylo asks. "You're willing to play a role in that?"

"I don't want anything to do with you or FO Tech. Not anymore." But Finn knows the tremor in his voice gives him away. Yes, he'll do it for Rey—but only if there's a point. As in, Rey doesn't get hit by any more cars.

Kylo shakes his head and glowers at Finn as if he knows that Finn's thinking he's not good enough for Rey. Because he sure as hell isn't. "You shouldn't have to do that. I'll take care of it."

"Manage not to kill each other?" Poe asks cheerfully as he flops down in the chair next to Finn. "Wouldn't have blamed you," he whispers to Finn.

Kylo shifts and crosses his arms, but Finn can tell he heard and Finn doesn't care.

* * *

"Hey, Rey." Poe and Finn shuffle into the room. She blinks.

"How many painkillers are you on?" Poe asks with a smirk.

"I don't know. I feel like shit." She winces and then her eyes widen. "Ben! Er—Kylo."

He shrugs as he leans against the wall by the door, gaze focused on her. And in the small twitches of his jaw, anger simmers. "Are you in pain?"

"No. Just dizzy. And fuzzy. My brain's fuzzy. How are you _here_?"

"I called when you didn't text that you were home… they told me." He jerks his head towards her roommates.

"Oh. Thanks, guys." She glances at Finn and Poe, who exchange a suspicious look. Rey's too tired to concentrate right now, though.

"I'll call Leia," Poe says. "Tell her that you're hurt. She'll want you to take a few days."

"Did you?" Finn scoffs.

"I took one or two." Poe shrugs. "Really, you should, Rey. A concussion is miserable. As are broken ribs. Ask me how I know."

"Some great age—dramatic story?" Finn snorts.

 _Age? Age what?_ The monitor beeps beside her, and Rey wants to throw it across the room so she can sleep. And shut the door. And shut off all these lights. None of which will happen. _Dammit_.

"No, I got tossed out of a bar once," Poe admits. "College."

Finn shrugs. "Wouldn't know. I was the good kid in college."

"Rey?"

"Have I ever mentioned even _starting_ college?" she rasps. Although she's thought of it. Alderaan House doesn't pay much, but she might be able to scrape enough together to take some classes next semester. She'd like to…

Poe rolls his eyes in desperation. " _Kylo?"_

Ben shrugs. "I was kind of like him." He nods at Finn.

" _That_ ," Poe declares. "Is horseshit if I ever smelled it."

Kylo scowls.

"Whatever. I'm calling your mama." Poe winks at Kylo, who tightens his fist. "Don't worry, I won't break the bad news that you're here." He claps Finn on the shoulder and limps out of the room.

"Over-under on Leia driving here as soon at six am?" Finn wonders, apparently playing out of Poe's book.

"What time is it now?" Rey asks.

"Four."

"I'll get going, then," Kylo says. "I don't want to be here when… I mean, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Rey."

He came. He came to check on her. So did Finn, and Poe. Rey's heart swells, and whether it's the pain meds or the concussion or even the lingering affects of alcohol, she's not sure, but she reaches out her hand. "Come here?"

He approaches, a wary look on his face. Rey catches his arm and pulls him closer. Her ribs smart.

"Just so you know," she says. "It wasn't a drunken mistake." And then she kisses him again, just briefly slipping her lips over his top lip before leaning back. _"Ben."_

"Holy—" Finn wraps his hands behind his head. "Why?"

"I'll call you," Ben says, his breath shuddering and looking as if she's stripped him of something. His fingers hover near her face but can't quite land.

"My phone—"

"I've got it." Finn exhales.

"You better call," Rey informs Ben, and this time his mouth opens in an almost-smile.

* * *

"Call Phasma," Kylo orders Hux as he storms into the office. "When she gets here, both of you meet me in my office. _Immediately_."

"You don't give me orders, Ren," Hux snarls.

Kylo throws Hux's cat-shaped paperweight to the ground, along with a pile of papers. "You will!"

Hux's jaw drops. "O _kay_. Pick up your mess."

" _You_ pick it up." Kylo steps back, raking his hands through his hair. His scalp burns. "Call Phasma."

Hux dutifully picks up the phone, but looks as if he'd like to chuck it at Kylo's head. Satisfied, Kylo spins on his heel and stalks past a cowering Mitaka towards his office, where he leans against the windows and tries to gasp for control over his breaths, over his panic.

He can't let them hurt Rey. He can't keep working here if they're going to hurt Rey. And yet, if he quits... _I've trapped myself._

He can't give her up.

She knows who he is, what he's done, and she doesn't hate him, and that—that's impossible, and yet she is the impossible, and she kissed him. Kylo's hands trace his lips.

_It wasn't a drunken mistake._

_Marriage and love and all of that—it's weakness. It's not worth your time. You've got too much potential._

He's believed Snoke for all these years. He's twenty-nine and still a virgin. He's never even looked at porn, because he told himself he didn't need anything like that. He didn't have any desire to feel ecstasy shooting through his body, feel someone else's body pressed against his own.

And now, all he wants is to give himself to Rey. But Finn is right. She deserves better.

_I've never had an employee quite like you, Kylo Ren._

_He's_ never met anyone quite like Rey.

_Your father still loves you._

What if he has, and he didn't realize it?

Kylo's hand hovers over his keyboard, ready to wake his computer up and continue working on the Starkiller project. He can't do it.

"What is it now, Ren?" Phasma enters, followed by Hux. Kylo doesn't miss how Hux's eyes glue to Phasma, how the man's Adam's apple bobs as he watches her.

"Is hitting people with your car your new thing?" Kylo demands, glaring at the woman.

Phasma's face knots in befuddlement. "What are you _talking_ about?"

"Rey. Someone hit her with a car. Considering your recent activities with Poe Dameron, I—"

"I'll have you know I was home alone last night, _reading_ ," Phasma shoots back.

"Reading what?" Hux asks as Phasma arches one eyebrow.

 _For the love of God!_ "I know you threatened her to Finn."

"Yes, but I didn't actually hurt her!" Phasma throws her hands in the air. "That would be foolish. Snoke would be furious."

Kylo exhales. "So it was you, Hux?"

"What? No! I don't consider a girl like that worth my attention. You're free to ruin your career over a homeless charity case if you'd like, but I don't give a damn." Hux crosses his arms.

"She's not a homeless charity—" Kylo stops himself as Hux and Phasma exchange a shrug. "If not either of you, who did?"

Phasma tilts her head towards the door. "Who does lots of research for Snoke here?"

Kylo's stomach lurches. He needs to talk to Phasma about Finn too, but as he looks at her, he realizes Snoke's ordered Phasma to track down Finn. Threaten, maybe not, but track down, surely. _He doesn't trust me._

"I should think it's obvious," Phasma comments. "To the two of you. You're so desperate to earn Snoke's favor that any Freudian scholar would have a field day analyzing both of you. Think of who else is desperate to please the CEO and wouldn't know how to go about it in a smart way." She makes a pretend bow. "And now I'm out."

 _Mitaka_.

"I'd offer you your choice of weapons, but I think we both know Snoke wouldn't approve," Hux remarks.

Kylo exhales, flexing his hands.

"Is she just good at sex or what?" Hux asks.

Kylo recoils. "Don't ever—"

"Well, you're not exactly one for hookers even. I can see you becoming—"

"Like you and Phasma?" Kylo retorts.

"That's all in your head."

"Sure it is." Kylo crosses his arms.

"You should figure that a girl with her history—the little I know—will do anything she can to survive," Hux informs him. "Sex included. And she's probably got practice using it to get what she wants."

This time Kylo grabs Hux by the shoulder, blood surging through his muscles. "Don't talk about her like that! She's not—I'm not—I mean, we haven't even—"

"What?" Hux gapes at him. "You haven't slept with her? How the hell are you so infatuated, then?"

 _I'm not infatuated,_ Kylo realizes, hearing her voice—strong, more so than sweet—calling him _Ben_. A name he hasn't heard in years. _I think I love her._

"Get out," he orders, and Hux scrambles to obey as Kylo gulps in air. He squeezes his eyes shut as he contemplates dealing with Mitaka.

How would Rey want him to handle his stupid secretary?

Kylo heads out the door and sees his secretary biting a pencil like a beaver gnawing on wood. He tries to smile at Kylo, and in his face, in his nervous twitches, Kylo sees a familiar sight, and nausea slams him hard. He swallows his own bile, and it's bitter.

Mitaka's eyes reveal a man much like Kylo himself ten years ago. Eager to please. Scared of failing. Willing to climb to the uttermost ranks, no matter the cost.

And for the first time, Kylo's heart throbs, and he realizes he doesn't want Mitaka to go down that path. _There are real people getting hurt._

_There always have been._

"You're being reassigned," Kylo tells Mitaka, knowing that all he has to do is tell Snoke what Mitaka pulled and the man could even be fired. But that would mean revealing Kylo's compassion for Rey, and he can't risk that.

Mitaka knows it, too. He slouches. "Where?"

"I'm making a few phone calls. Pack your things." Kylo takes another step forward, towering over the man. "If you ever hurt her again, or go near her, I'll make sure you regret it."

He stalks back to his office, and his former secretary gapes after him.


	12. Ruined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's past mistakes come back to haunt him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for brief mentions of past suicidal ideation and child abuse in this chapter.

"How is she?" Leia demands as she marches into the hospital lobby.

"Okay," Finn says, struggling to hold back a yawn. Turns out he overestimated Leia. But only by two hours.

Leia presses her lips together. "Strange, isn't it? First Poe gets hit by a car, and then Rey."

"Our apartment must have bad juju," Finn says, pulling Poe's joke from the night before out of the air.

Leia shakes her head. "Well, I'm glad neither of them was seriously injured." She hoists her purse high on her shoulder. "Are you all right, Finn? Have you and Poe been here all night?"

Finn nods.

"You should get some sleep. We'll make sure she's entertained," comes Han's voice.

Leia raises her eyebrows. "You came."

"I came," Han deadpans, glancing over his shoulder as Chewie approaches. "Rey's a good kid. She fixed my computer."

"Take the day," Leia urges Finn. "It's a Friday. You and Poe both. Rest."

Finn nods, covering his mouth as he yawns again. "We'll wait for Rey to be released. Sometime this morning. They said."

Han mutters something about getting coffee. "You want anything?"

"Get me one," Leia says as Finn shakes his head. "You know how I like it."

"That I do." Han winks as he schlepps off with Chewie.

Finn's eyebrows are almost to his hairline, and Leia chuckles. "We _were_ married for over twenty years, Finn."

"Yeah, but—if you don't mind me asking, but you're divorced now, aren't you? So how—"

"Losing our son brought out the worst in us," Leia says quietly. "Neither of us knew quite what to do. We threw ourselves back into the only things we were ever good at—reporting for him, Alderaan House for me. And we forgot to look at each other." She shrugs.

"Some of it was good," Han interrupts as he comes back. "Coffee shop's closed till nine."

"Fuck," says Leia. But she winks. "Pretty good."

"Some of it still is," Chewie grumbles.

They don't even know Finn knows that their son became Kylo Ren, Finn realizes. "How's… that FO Tech investigation going, Han?"

"Fine." Han shrugs. "Should be ready to give to papers in a month or so. Providing things go well."

"Sorry I can't be of more help," Finn says.

"I'm just glad you got out of there," Han says. "Leaving was brave, kid."

Leia nods in agreement.

Finn wipes his hands against his pants. _I haven't really left. Not completely_. He can still feel Phasma's elbow against his throat, a phantom pain squeezing the life out of him.

* * *

Finn drives them all home in the afternoon. Rey collapses immediately into her bed, nodding as Finn tells her to holler if she needs anything. Beebee-Ate curls up next to her.

"Uh, Finn?" Poe requests, leaning against his doorframe and slumping from exhaustion. "Can I talk to you? I mean, should we talk… after—you know?"

"Um—yeah." Finn pauses, his hands groping behind him for the back of the couch.

"Are you—I mean—is _this_ ," Poe swipes his hand through the air. "What you want?"

Finn frowns. "You mean… of course. Why wouldn't—do you think I would've kissed you otherwise?"

"Well, when they're distraught, people do things, you know, that they might not otherwise—"

"Poe," Finn interrupts. "I've never kissed anybody before in my life. I'm twenty-three, and I've never kissed anyone, until you. I don't—I mean, I kissed you because I wanted to, because _I like you_."

Poe lets go of the doorframe and tries to walk towards Finn. He wobbles and Finn grabs him.

"Dammit," Poe pants. His eyes meet Finn and every muscle in Finn's body relaxes, because the water in Poe's eyes washes away Finn's anxiety.

He presses his lips against Poe's as he holds him upright.

* * *

Rey's phone goes off around five in the evening. She almost rolls over and her breath hitches. Her ribs.

"Hello?" she mumbles, snatching the phone.

"It's Kylo."

"Ben." Rey eases herself upright.

"Fine. _Ben_." He laughs. "How are you—how're you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by a car." Rey grimaces. "Thanks for coming. I… appreciated it."

"I can't come tonight, but if you want, I can come over your place tomorrow. If your roommates will let me. I can bring dinner."

"I'd like that," Rey admits.

"Did you sleep all day?"

"Pretty much." She glances around the room. "I had a weird dream."

"About what?"

"Not _you_ ," she teases. "That I was in college."

"Well… if you want to go, you should," Ben tells her.

"I do want to. I just don't know what I'd like to study. But now that I have a job and I make more than I did at Niima, I was thinking about, like, taking some community college classes. Seeing how it is." She exhales. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Absolutely. I could even help you out, if you want—"

"Nah, I appreciate it, but I kinda want to do it on my own."

"I understand," he tells her, and as Rey runs her fingers down Beebee-Ate, she thinks that he does. Both of them wandered out on their own. He had a choice, though. She didn't.

* * *

 _Would you still be happy to see me if you knew it was my secretary that hurt you?_ Kylo wonders as he wraps his arm around Rey the next night, seated next to her on the couch. Finn glares at him and Poe vanishes into his room. They suspect. They might even know.

But it's not his fault. Not really. Not exactly. But it all comes back to him, and he knows it, and for the first time in years Kylo Ren can escape the consuming wish that he worked somewhere else, anywhere besides FO Tech.

But that would mean wishing he'd never met Snoke, and Snoke saved his life. The night he ran away for good, he knew he was either going to run or die. He couldn't stand living with his distant uncle, with parents who seldom called.

 _They don't appreciate you,_ Snoke said, voicing the feelings Ben's been afraid to acknowledge.

 _Arrogant piece of shit,_ snarled one of the kids at school. Oliver, after that girl kissed him on a dare. _Did you really think she liked you?_

 _You'll die a virgin. You're too ugly,_ Oliver laughed as he kneed Ben in the groin, and Ben ran away from school because he didn't want them to see him cry. He thought about calling his mom, his dad, but for what purpose? They'd just be mad he ditched school. Uncle Luke was tired of his shenanigans, telling Ben to stop obsessing over his dead grandfather's legacy and stop talking to Snoke and focus on what's in front of him.

What was in front of him was nothing except humiliation, except a pretty girl mocking him, cutting at his hidden bruises, his fear that he'll never be close to anybody like he wants above _anything_ , because he's just not good enough. Nothing, except a kick in the crotch and more _I'm disappointed in you_ talks from his blasted teachers.

Ben called Snoke, because he knew that he would either get the hell out of there or take a knife to his wrists.

Snoke bought him a bus ticket, and Ben disappeared. He assumed his parents were frantic, though. At least until two months later, when his mother appeared at some sort of presidential convention and the TV made no mention of a missing son.

That night, Ben swallowed an entire bottle of Tylenol. Snoke kept tabs on him, though, and found the empty bottle. Snoke took him to the ER to get his stomach pumped. Snoke saved him, while his parents forgot him.

Snoke called him Kylo Ren, and the doctor didn't ask questions. Kylo remembers flinching, because he once told Snoke about the Knights of Ren, a mythical group of rebels and heroes he invented with Luca.

 _Feelings are pointless,_ Snoke told him. _I don't have time for this. Learn to shut them off. I did._

But feelings crawl through Kylo now. He loves the girl leaning her head against him. He loves her.

Would he rather have Rey, or Snoke?

* * *

Two weeks pass. Rey heals. Kylo calls most nights instead of visiting, because he sees Finn flinch whenever he comes into the house and because he has to listen to Poe droning on and on about his uncle, and Kylo knows he should try to reach his uncle even though Snoke thinks it's too late, and he also knows he should warn his uncle and go to jail.

_You're despicable._

With each moment he spends on the Starkiller project, Kylo thinks of Luca, and he knows that he's become the very thing he set out to destroy.

When Phasma asks to meet with him in the afternoon, Kylo agrees. Here's his chance. For Finn. For Rey. _Try to burst up over the waves drowning you._

"Are you here about Finn?" he asks when she comes in, before any greeting.

Phasma cocks her head. "No."

Kylo rests his chin on his fist. "Why are you here, then?"

"Because I want to know how the Starkiller project is coming."

"It's… coming. It's going. It's fine. Why would I tell you anything?" Kylo demands. "It's not your purview."

Phasma crosses her arms. "Because you hate it as much as I do."

"What?" Kylo gapes at her.

"Don't pretend otherwise. You didn't join this company to partner with mass murderers."

Kylo taps a pen against the side of his desk. "Why did _you_ join?"

"Because they offered me a way to escape my drunk father and my bitch of a mother and her frying pan," Phasma states as if Kylo shouldn't blink, shouldn't act as if this information is any different than the names of the newest scholarship recipients she recites each year. "And because I believed in… in protection, in all the things FO Tech offered. But this is going too far. You know why he wants the Starkiller project. You know about that weapon of mass destruction."

"What do you want me to do about it?" Kylo demands, fighting the urge to laugh because Phasma's _right_. He hates it. He doesn't want to do it.

"I can almost understand why Finn left now, and that's disturbing to me."

"Speaking of Finn." Kylo leans back. The pen clatters to the desk. "I want you to call him and tell him that you're going to leave him alone, and that you don't expect anything from him anymore. No more empty threats or real threats towards Rey. Or him. Or anyone."

Phasma cocks her head. "It's in the company's best interests."

Kylo scowls. "I don't care."

"Why do you care so much?"

Kylo can spin this one. "Why are you even talking to _me_? Why not Hux?"

"I don't like what you're implying." Phasma juts her chin out.

"Is he in love with you?" Kylo asks point blank.

"Ha!" Phasma throws her head back and cackles. "Hux wouldn't know love if it slapped him in the face."

"Is that what he likes?" Kylo asks with a smirk.

Phasma rolls her eyes. "All I ask is that you talk to Snoke. If there's anyone he listens to, it's you. Certainly not Hux. That man only got his position because of his daddy and he knows it and Snoke knows it. _Before_ this Starkiller project brings us down. And then, I will call Finn—or contact him, track him down since he's blocked my number—and tell him. Deal?" She stands.

 _Methinks the lady doth protest too much_. "Snoke won't listen to me."

Phasma shakes her head. "You're a coward. Just like Hux."

"Hux is the one who told you about this project, isn't he?" Kylo asks.

Phasma sighs. "Never mind."

"I'll try," Kylo calls after her. Not for her. Not for FO Tech. But for Luca, and for Rey…. for his mother.

Phasma faces him. "Will you?"

He nods, grabbing the pen and tapping it again. "Do you love him?"

This time Phasma smiles, but her eyes bleed. "I wouldn't know love if it hit me across the face with a frying pan."

* * *

"Come in," Snoke invites. His tone doesn't welcome—it draws Kylo in with cold hands. Kylo swallows as he runs through all the things he could possibly say to dissuade Snoke from the Starkiller project, from Snoke's goals. None of which will work. He's defeated before he starts and still, he needs to try.

"I'm glad you asked to meet with me," Snoke says. "Because there's something I need to share with you."

Fire spikes in Kylo's chest. His fingertips, his palms—they burn. "What is it?" he manages.

"Did you really think I wouldn't investigate and find out with Dopheld Mitaka did to piss you off?" Snoke leans forward, and Kylo inches back. He might be standing, but there's no question who's in charge here.

"I—"

"I fired him," Snoke comments. "After teaching him a lesson. The same lesson you taught your father. He won't talk."

Kylo clenches his fists. His knuckles ache, and Kylo wishes he had a needle to insert, to relieve the pressure.

"You're still seeing Rey Jakku, though, aren't you?"

"She's—" Nice? Pretty? There's nothing he can say, and still Kylo scrambles to find an adjective, any adjective that will _work_. He looks into the eyes of the man who saved his life, the man who's directed his life, and sees the same disappointment Kylo fled from when he left his uncle's house, when he stopped contacting his parents.

 _It's you_.

_You are a disappointment._

_You're screwed, and you will never be enough_.

With each thought that slices through his brain, Kylo wants to scream, thrash against the walls and beg _it's not true, it's not true_.

"Relax," Snoke sneers. "If you want to spend your free time shagging a nobody like her, you're welcome to do that, so long as it doesn't affect your work. But I did some research. Do you know who she is?"

"Rey Jakku. She worked at Niima Coffee Post. She grew up in foster care—"

Snoke laughs. Outside, thunderclouds roll in, but the weather won't be merciful enough to actually rain. "Kylo, I have connections. A quick phone call can tell you that Jakku was not her birth name."

 _Kylo Ren wasn't mine._ "Why would I want to question—"

"Her last name is Kenobi," Snoke informs him. Thunder rumbles overhead, but there's still no rain.

 _Kenobi._ Kylo tries to process this, but his heart tries to blocks his brain. "The girl who—"

"One and the same," Snoke confirms. "Ironic, isn't it?"

 _Ironic?_ More like horrific. Kylo's arm strains from his fists to his shoulders. _Rey Kenobi._

"Does my mother know?"

Snoke cocks his head. "Maybe. Your uncle almost certainly does."

And they haven't told her.

_Why would they want to?_

How can he tell Rey that he's responsible for ruining her life?


	13. Crossing Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn finds hope and Kylo confesses.

"You're doing good work, Finn," his instructor, Ematt, tells him.

"Yeah?" Finn asks, blinking. Is he really? His mind churns with Phasma's threat. _Do I deserve any compliments?_

Ematt smiles. "Yeah. And you've got that compassion-empathy thing going on. I've seen the way you interact with the students you're tutoring—you care, and they know it."

Finn shrugs.

"Don't shrug. Teaching's 90% about relationships and 10% about knowledge. If you pass your TESL certification, I'm sure Leia will want you to stay."

Finn shifts, thinking to the flurry of applications he sent out after Phasma's threat, because he felt pressure crushing him from all sides, pressure to get out before he makes things worse for Alderaan House, for Rey, for Poe.

But he wants to stay. He remembers Chandra's smile when she told him she was improving her English, her giggle as she told him about how well her little sister was doing too. And in that moment Finn felt like he was a part of something—not something forced and confining, but something freeing.

"Thank you," Finn says, studying his scuffed shoes, fraying along the soles.

"Whatever you want to do," Ematt tells him. "It's your choice."

_It's your choice._

And Phasma's trying to steal his choices.

Maybe he doesn't have to give in.

"Off to lunch?" Ematt asks.

"Yeah. Meeting Rey."

"Cool." Ematt smiles. "Just one more thing, Finn—whatever you decide, you should know that you're talented."

* * *

"How's it going, Rey?" Luke calls to her as she loiters by the door, where she's waiting for Finn to meet her for lunch.

"Good," she answers, checking her phone. Nothing new from Ben, but she knows he plans to take her to dinner that night. And she has news for him. Rey swings back and forth.

"Ribs doing okay?" Luke studies her, and Rey feels like she's being examined.

She steps back. "Yeah. They're hurting a lot less."

"You look like you just got really good news."

Rey laughs. "I kind of did. I'm starting community college in six weeks. Part time. After I get out of work for the day."

"That's fantastic. What are you taking?"

"I don't know yet. General classes, I guess. I'll decide over the weekend." Rey smiles, but inside she feels a pinch of guilt. Luke must know that she's still in touch with his nephew, even if he doesn't know that they're dating. Although he might. Either way, Luke knows that she hasn't told Leia.

 _Maybe he understands,_ Rey thinks, remembering all the details Ben's told her.

"Well, if you need any advice or any help, don't hesitate to ask me—or Leia," Luke adds hastily.

"Right." Rey glances behind Luke to see Finn approaching. She waves.

As they head out the door, Rey darts a look over her shoulder. Luke watches them walk away, his jaw working just like his nephew's when he's upset.

* * *

"Have fun," Finn says dully to Rey as she leaves.

She rolls her eyes. "I'll be home tonight."

"Oh, will you?" Finn leans against the car, grinning in spite of himself. He wonders if Rey doesn't come back—could he and Poe do something? So far, they've kept their relationship under wraps, and he doesn't quite understand why. He doesn't want to freak Rey out though, make her feel like she's a third wheel.

 _You're talented_. That's all it took to make Finn's day, make him consider new directions.

Rey scowls, her healed face flushing to look like it's sunburned all over again. "Maybe I will and maybe I won't."

"We won't wait up." Finn winks.

"Stop!" She shoves him, laughing. "I thought you hated him."

She might as well have dumped ice water over Finn. He straightens, reminding himself that she's dating Kylo Ren, monster in a suit. "I do."

Rey rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, okay." She wraps an arm around Finn. "See you later."

Finn sighs as she walks away. At least Kylo Ren's making no pretense as to where he stands. Finn… he hasn't had to contact Phasma. He hasn't heard anything from Poe. And if he did, maybe he could talk about it with Kylo Ren first. Finn snorts, absurdity tempering any anxiety.

He checks his phone. Poe claimed he would leave at the same time as Finn today, that he'd meet him in the parking lot behind the building, but he hasn't shown. Finn heads back to look for his roommate. His boyfriend.

He skids to a stop as he approaches the corner of the building. Poe's voice interrupts Luke's.

"From what we can tell, he doesn't have anything to do with that part of the company."

"I know, Poe, but it only makes sense that he's somewhat involved. You don't rise to that height in FO Tech if you're just doing logistics and straight-edge presentations. I know we'd like to give Leia some good news for once, Han too, but he's got to be involved, as painful as it is for me to say."

"Well, we still can't trace whatever group they're working with right now, but we know something's going down soon. Han can go to the press. We can go to the authorities." Poe sighs. "I just don't want Leia to hate me."

"Poe, she knows what her son's become. She's objective. She won't blame you." Luke exhales too, and Finn wants to vomit.

_Don't do it. Phasma will be behind bars before any harm can come to her._

_Ha. They'd never arrest everyone in that company._

_Please,_ Finn begs some deity, some force, as his hands scrabble against the wall. He doesn't finish his plea. The beginning is all he can manage. _Please_.

"She's seen it before, you know," Luke admits. "Snoke was like her uncle growing up."

_What the—what?_

"You really think they're taking a page out of Galactic Manufacturing's book?" Poe questions.

"Yes, I do. They're starting to get the right contacts. They've got to have something going down soon in order to get the funding, though."

Finn can't help himself now. He bursts around the corner to find Poe leaning against the wall, Beebee-Ate cocking his head as they both look towards a somber Luke.

"Leia knows Snoke?" Finn repeats. Who gives a rip if they know he was eavesdropping?

"It's a long story," Luke says simply, glancing at Poe, who cringes. "Let's just say it was Leia's childhood. It ended when she started running Alderaan House."

"So you knew him, too?" Finn asks.

"No. Leia and I weren't raised together." Luke steps away. "I leave you two to your Friday night."

"Sorry," Finn mutters to Poe.

Poe shrugs. "'S all right. Was bound to come out eventually. I don't think that's something she advertises, though."

"I can see why not," Finn agrees. If he had the option of hiding his history, he would.

"She's not ashamed exactly," Poe says fiercely as he limps towards the car. His leg's almost healed, but he still lurches to one side when walking. "Just… it's not politically smart." He looks to Finn with his eyes wide. "You shouldn't compare—"

 _But I do have something to be ashamed of,_ Finn thinks. _Maybe_.

They ride back to the apartment in silence. Poe feeds Beebee-Ate while Finn retreats to his room, flipping his phone over and over again in his hand.

He wants to fight her, fight FO Tech. He wants Poe and Luke to bring them down, Kylo Ren included. He shouldn't have teased Rey. He hopes she doesn't spend the night with that piece of work.

Except, Kylo cares about Rey just like Finn does, and where everyone—all his colleagues, like Ackbar and Statura and Ematt—see monsters, he sees himself. He sees what he could have been.

Round and round his thoughts go, circling him and drawing him into that whirlpool he can't escape from. It was just a scholarship. _It's not fair_.

Faces churn around him, voices grind through his head.

"Finn." Poe stands in the doorway. " _Finn_." Poe's arms encircle him, drawing him out of the room. "Come on. Come out of there. It's dark in there," Poe urges. He takes Finn to the couch and presses both of his palms, calloused and prickly enough to draw Finn out of his nightmare, against Finn's cheeks. "Calm down. _Please_."

Finn blinks. "Why do you even like me, Poe? I'm a—a mess."

Poe shakes his head. "Because you're honest, and you're kind, and you're the kind of brave that sees something wrong in their life—that they're going down a wrong path, and _changes_. I don't think you get how rare that is, Finn. It's way fucking easier to just continue down the way you've been going."

"What if I've done more wrong than you know?" Finn rasps _. Doing. I'm_ doing _more wrong. Maybe._

_You can change. You don't have to go down this path._

_Trust Poe. Trust that there'd be a way to protect Rey. Trust that you can fight this and_ win.

"I'd listen," Poe tells him, voice shaking. "And I'd still be here, Finn."

"Why?"

"Because I really—I—I really do love you, Finn." Poe smirks. "Would you believe I've never said that to another guy before?"

 _Fuck you, Phasma,_ Finn decides, because he's choosing to believe they can do this. "I've never said it to anyone. Or had anyone say it to me."

"Well, okay then." Poe smiles, and bites his lip.

Finn presses his mouth against Poe's, tasting coffee and Poe. And Poe's hands grip his chest, his waist, his body warm against Finn's and Finn gives in to it, lets the electricity shooting through him flare and ignite. FO Tech and Phasma's threats drop away.

"Do you want to do this?" Poe pants as he comes up for air.

"Yeah," Finn breathes.

"One sec." Poe pulls him into his bedroom, and Poe darts over to his dresser and comes back with condoms.

"Um… Poe, I have to tell you I have no idea what I'm doing," Finn admits, heart palpitating in his chest. But he wants to. All these new sensations grab hold of him, lighting him on fire.

Poe just smiles. "That's okay." He wraps an arm around Finn, kissing him slowly."Let me know if you don't like something," he requests, fingers resting on Finn's cheek.

Finn nods. He trusts Poe. Their mouths melt together again, and something beyond basic lust and love floods through Finn. _Hope_.

Poe reaches for Finn's shirt and tugs it off. His teeth nibble at Finn's neck, and Finn gasps, sinking into the tightening feeling flooding his abdomen. He pulls Poe's shirt over his head, and Poe pulls him closer, his lips exploring places on Finn's body where he's never been touched.

Finn finds himself lying back, Poe hovering over him. Finn pulls Poe closer to his chest. _I can trust him._ Poe looks at him with his eyes wet, like he thinks Finn's something amazing, someone irreplaceable, and Finn knows that Poe is irreplaceable to him.

Poe starts moving and Finn holds onto Poe, copying him at first. And then his body moves because it doesn't matter that he's never done this before. He focuses on Poe's face, on the way his lips hover open, on the way his eyes glisten, on the way his hair droops and falls over his forehead, because he's Poe and Finn cares so, so much for him.

 _I love you, Poe_ , Finn thinks, pressing his mouth against Poe's chest, burying his fingers in Poe's hair.

Poe groans and drops his head to Finn's collarbone. And this time Finn takes Poe's face in his hands, kissing his cheeks, his forehead, his hairline, his chin, and finally his lips.

* * *

"Uh, thanks," Rey says as they leave the Indian restaurant, the taste of masala still stinging in her mouth.

Ben manages a slight smile. He's been quiet—way too quiet, but he insists work's fine.

"Hey." Rey pulls him close in the parking lot and kisses him.

For a moment she feels him give in to her, opening his mouth, fingers tracing her ears, and then he pulls back.

"What is going on with you?' Rey demands, frustration shooting through her. And something else, something she hasn't felt in a long time. _Fear_.

She's never been afraid of losing anybody, because there's never been anybody to lose. And now she's afraid, and she hates it.

"I—have to tell you something." Ben gulps. "In the car?"

"Fine." Rey marches around and slams the door. She crosses her arms. Is he about to break up with her? If he does, then she'll drown herself in ice cream and spend time with Finn and Poe. If he walks away, she's got others—so many people now. Rey shivers.

But she's afraid for him.

"You remember what you told me about your real parents? How you don't remember them?" Ben begins, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. He avoids her eyes.

This was _not_ the direction Rey expected this to go in. "Yes," she says slowly. She remembers the promise, and then the failure.

And she remember screaming, thrashing and flailing against the social workers because she knew, she _knew_ , that her daddy was coming back for her, and they were wrong, and they were coming back.

And now she doesn't even remember his face, or his name. She doesn't even remember her mother's voice. _Traitor_.

"If I knew who your parents were, would you want to know?"

Rey tries to swallow. She can't. "Yes."

"Your father was the son of an agent who worked with my uncle. Luke Skywalker. Your grandfather—Obi-Wan Kenobi—was like a mentor to my uncle. He died on a mission."

"Kenobi," Rey repeats the name _. Rey Kenobi. Not Rey Jakku._

 _Luke… this is crazy. This makes no fucking sense._ Rey's chest constricts and tears burn her eyes.

"Your father was in a car accident, but the state changed your name because your grandfather was—well known among certain… groups." Ben presses his hand over his eyes.

"FO Tech?" Rey spits out, starting to shake.

" _No_. Not that I know of. No."

"My mother?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do!"

"She disappeared, Rey. No one knows."

" _Fuck_." Rey slams her palm against her forehead.

"But—Rey, my uncle was supposed to take you in. Like he was caring for me." Ben drops his head, looking like a boy instead of a man. "And then I ran away and the state said no. If I hadn't, you would have—you would have had a much happier—"

"What do you know?" Rey demands. "You weren't happy. And—how—how do you even _know_ this?"

"Snoke told me."

"Snoke?" Rey's eyebrows rise. "Oh my God—the car! You—"

"I didn't—"

"But FO Tech—"

"It was someone going rogue—not authorized—the guy who did it's been fired—"

"And _you still work there?"_ Rey shrieks.

"I can protect you! From in there. No one will—" He reaches for her.

"I don't want your protection!" Rey shoves at him. Tears stream down her face.

Ben shakes his head. "It had nothing to do with your history! Snoke was furious too. It's complicated."

"It's not complicated, it's fucking attempted murder!"

His breath comes in short gasps. His hair looks wild and mussed. "I'm a bad person, Rey!"

"Yeah, you fucking are!" Rey lets out a sob. "And Luke and your mother and Han? They all know, don't they?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know."

She feels like an animal in a zoo that's just starting to realize people are gawking at it. _Finn, Poe—do any of them know too?_

"I'm so sorry," Ben whispers. "I ruined your childhood. If I wasn't so selfish—"

"If you would just get away from that bastard company," Rey corrects. Her chest heaves and she feels like it's being torn in two. She wraps her arms around herself and drops her head to her knees, pressing her eyes into her skin. Her tears still flow. "But you're a coward. You don't even know whether you support their ideals, whether you believe in it, but you're too afraid to admit that you've been wrong."

He lets out a shuddering breath. For several minutes, Rey cries into her knees. Finally she straightens. "Take me home, please."


	14. The Narrow Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confronts Han, Luke, and Leia, while Kylo makes a decision he can't come back from.

The door slams, jolting Finn out of his drowsy state. Poe's arms are still wrapped around him.

Wracking sobs tears through the air. _Shit_. Finn scrambles up, grabbing his pants as Poe sits, blinking.

"What—"

"Rey," Finn hisses. Did Kylo do something to her? Finn will kill him if—

"Finn?" he hears her calling.

Poe jumps up and shimmies into his jeans, buttoning them as Finn barges out of the room. "Rey?"

She turns to him, face blotchy and eyes running.

"Hey," Finn says, wrapping an arm around Rey. She shudders. "Come here. Sit down." _Did I fail her?_

 _Shut up._ Finn doesn't want to hate himself right now, when Rey needs him.

"Rey?" Poe appears, shirtless.

Rey narrows her eyes and shakes her head. "Did you know?" she demands.

"What?" Poe looks to Finn as if he possesses some magical telepathic code that can help Poe figure out what she's talking about. "What are—"

"About my _family_. Who they were."

Poe drags his hands through his hair. "No? Who were they?"

"So you don't know either?" Rey turns to Finn, and there's fire flashing in her eyes. He shakes his head.

"Well, your boss knows," Rey informs Poe, rage sizzling, barely controlled. Her arms tremble. "They _lied_ to me."

"What happened?" Finn grabs Rey's hand. "Rey. Please tell us. We want to listen. We want to help you."

"Ben told me. That asshole has more guts than the rest of them…" Rey shakes her head, and the story comes out.

"Holy shit," Poe says, gaping. Beebee-Ate curls up on Rey's feet. "Wow. Rey, I had _no_ idea."

She sniffs. "I believe you."

"What do you want to do?" Finn questions.

"Tomorrow? I want to confront Luke. And Leia. And Han." Rey sets her jaw. Her tears aren't flowing anymore.

"Okay," Finn says. "I'll drive you in the morning."

"Fine." Rey rises. "I'll let you two get back to… whatever it was you were up to." She starts to smile. "You guys aren't as subtle as you think."

"Oh." Finn glances at Poe, who smirks.

* * *

 _At least Finn and Poe have each other,_ Rey tells herself as she tosses and turns, her skull throbbing. She loves those two. She really does, and she wants them to be happy.

Ben hasn't texted her. Rey bites her lip. Whatever she decides to do about him, she wants that boy to leave FO Tech.

When dawn breaks, Rey takes a shower and changes into her torn jean shorts and a loose top. Her eyes burn and her vision's blurred from crying so hard.

"Rey Kenobi," she says aloud to the mirror, watching the shape of her lips as she pronounces it, feeling how it sounds on her tongue. _Not Rey Jakku._

_Stay here, sweetheart. I'll come back._

Luke should have been there for her when her father wasn't—at the very least, he should have told her when he recognized her. Ben did. And of the two men, Rey would have guessed Ben to be the more cowardly.

It just stings that the people she's trusted, the people she's almost come to look at as the parents she's never had, kept this from her. _And why?_

Finn and Poe emerge from his room by eight. Rey rises from the couch.

"Can we just get breakfast first?" Poe requests as he ambles towards the bathroom.

"You don't have to come."

"Yeah, but I want to." He disappears inside.

"You guys _are_ like two older brothers," Rey says to convince herself.

Finn offers her a smile.

"You two deserve each other, and I mean that in the best way," Rey adds.

Within an hour, they're in the car with Beebee-Ate. Poe called Leia to request that he be able to meet with her, Luke, and Han.

"They probably think it has to do with FO Tech," Poe says, guilt tinging his voice.

"Feel free to blame me afterwards, if they get pissy," Rey says.

"I wouldn't do that," Poe insists.

God, she feels like a ping-pong ball slapping back and forth. One moment she feels hopeful and the next, she's doused in a bucket of ice water and shivering with the realization that they've all kept this from her. And they _knew_ how much it meant to her.

"Poe," Leia says as she greets them. "Finn… Rey."

"Are Luke and Han here?" Finn asks.

Leia nods. "And Chewie. Do you want to go into my office?"

"Yeah," Rey says.

"I don't really have news," Poe says quickly. "She needs to talk to you. All of you." He jerks his thumb towards Rey.

"Is everything all right?"

"No," Rey states, crossing her arms as Leia ushers them into her office. She sits and jiggles her leg, waiting for the others.

All three of them file in. Chewie is the only one who has the decency to grit his teeth, as if he knows precisely why they're here.

The door shuts with a click.

"Why didn't you tell me you worked with my grandfather?" Rey asks, glaring at Luke.

His face drains. No doubt he knows exactly who told her. _Go ahead,_ Rey thinks. _Say it aloud, if you haven't already told them, you old liar._

"Shit," says Han.

"You're the one who found out, aren't you?" Rey demands, her voice high-pitched and desperate. Like a child screaming that her father's coming back for her.

Han leans forwards and rests his forehead on his hand. "Rey…"

"At Niima Coffee Post," Rey realizes. "You weren't just getting coffee. You were checking for _me_ , weren't you?"

Leia's jaw drops. "Han—"

"Rey—" Luke begins, but she slashes her hand through the air. _Stop. You don't get to talk. This is_ my _turn to fucking talk._

"Why? Because you felt guilty about your son?"

The moment she saws the words and sees Leia grip her desk, guilt slaps Rey. But then she sees the shell-shocked look in Han's eyes and knows it's true. "The family member… was it your son, or me? Even if I'm not family?"

"Both," Han confesses, blowing out his breath. "Both, Rey."

Poe groans, clutching Finn's shoulder.

"Rey," Luke tries. "Rey, I'm so sorry—I found out the day before I met you. Han contacted me."

"Oh, shit," Poe says.

Luke shakes his head. "Rey, what happened when you were a kid—I felt so guilty about it, about all of it. I never met your father, but I loved your grandfather—he was a better father to me than my own father. I had to see that you were all right, that—"

"So FO Tech had nothing to do with it?" Leia looks like she'd like to dropkick all of the men. "Han, Chewie—you found him before and you didn't tell me?"

"We gave him twenty-four hours," Chewie clarifies. "Else I would've told."

"So my work was useless," Poe comments.

"No, kid, your work actually helped us get leads," Han tells him.

"So what?" Rey shrieks, leaping to her feet. "I feel like I've been lied to this whole time! Like I'm a pawn that everyone's using in some game that _I don't even understand!"_

"You're not a pawn!" Luke insists. "We're just—we didn't—"

"We didn't know how to tell you," Leia admits quietly. Of everyone, she's the person Rey wants to smack the least.

"What, was all the fatherly advice from the two of you just a chance to make up for the fact that you failed your son and nephew?" Rey snarls.

Chewie moans and leans his head against the wall. Han's face grays.

"You can't atone for what you did with him," Rey says brokenly. "And I'm not a replacement."

"Of course you aren't!" Leia cries.

"They think of me like I am," Rey retorts. "Consciously or unconsciously _, they both do._ " She shakes her head. "You should work on getting your son back, not on building a bridge with some stranger."

"That's not how I see you!" Luke cries. "Rey, we think you're a great kid. We do. We don't think you're some random nobody—"

"Why didn't you just tell me?" she cries.

"I was—I was afraid, Rey. Afraid that you'd know how much I failed you."

"Afraid of failing me like you failed your nephew?" Rey whispers. She doesn't even know whether she's hitting low or hitting the truth. Maybe both.

"I _love_ my son," Han declares, voice shaking. "Don't you bring him—you don't even know him—"

The walls feel like they're pressing against Rey, flattening her, squishing her insides. She shakes her head, glowering at Luke, who folds his hands, knuckles whitening. "It doesn't matter. I'm—I'm going. I've caused enough damage for today."

She's outside, in the blinding heat, when she realizes Finn's followed her. "Rey."

Rey stops in the parking lot, turning and throwing her arms around Finn. _My friend_. She sobs into his neck. "Do you think—think it's wrong—of me—to be so angry?"

"You _are_ angry, so who cares whether it's right or wrong?" Finn pushes her away and holds her shoulders.

"How did you leave FO Tech?" she asks. "Why?"

Finn shakes his head, and when he speaks, his voice is ragged. "Because I couldn't kill anyone. Because that's not me. And Rey, it's damaged me. Some days I don't know whether I'm ever gonna heal."

Rey nods, pressing the back of her hand against her mouth.

"Rey… Phasma threatened you. To me. The day you got hurt. According to Kylo, she didn't do it though, but I—she made me promise to turn over anything I heard from Poe, warn them, to protect you," Finn confesses. "But I didn't. I never did it. See, Rey, I'm just like them. I'm wrong."

 _God, why? Fucking why?_ Rey stares up at the sun, hoping it scorches her corneas.

"I'm so sorry, Rey—you're the first person I told that to," Finn gasps.

"You admitted it," Rey ekes out. "I appreciate that. I do." She wraps an arm around his neck and stands on tip-toe, kissing his forehead. "You're a good man, Finn. Poe's lucky to have you. You're not just lucky to have him, _he's lucky to have you."_

"I don't know if I can believe that," Finn says.

"I do." Rey swallows. "Can you text Poe and tell him you'll be back? I need you to drop me off."

* * *

"Glad to see you're here on a Saturday," Hux snipes.

"Shut up, Hux," Kylo returns. He barely slept all night.

"Good morning to you, too." Hux takes his cup of coffee from the company Keurig. "Date night last night?"

"Shut _up_." Kylo would love to dump coffee all over Hux's face. Except, there's no point. _She hates you._

_And for good reason._

_I'm not a murderer!_ he'd insisted.

 _By proxy, you are. Almost_ her _murderer, too._

"There's an important email in your inbox," Hux informs him. "Just so you don't miss it."

"Starkiller?"

"Mm-hm." Hux sips his coffee and grimaces.

_If you go through with this, you'll be guilty by proxy for the murders of a thousand Lucas._

It's a miracle Rey's stayed with him this long, Kylo realizes.

"You gonna go check?" Hux goads him.

"Um—yes." Kylo nods.

"Having second thoughts?" Hux jeers, but there's something else in his voice, something that's maybe always been there but Kylo never picked up on before. _Desperation_.

"Are you?" Kylo asks, turning around to face him.

"Never," Hux states, without hesitating. But in Hux's eyes, doubt roils.

Neither of them will ever admit it out loud.

"Snoke's never led me wrong," Hux says. "My father would tell me that. When I started working for him." Unspoken, Kylo hears: _I have to, don't you see?_

 _What if we didn't have to?_ Aloud Kylo asks: "What if Snoke changes his mind?"

"He's got no reason to," Hux scoffs. _An impossible dream._

 _We're trapped,_ Kylo thinks. Snoke's trapped us. _Neither of us can leave. Neither of us can be with the women we love._

He heads to his office and fires up his computer. His cursor hovers over the email, but he can't click down on it.

_What if you just do it? What if you cross that bridge?_

_There's no place to hide, and no place to go, and no reason._

_Your own life is reason enough._

_Don't you want to make your own decisions? Direct your own life?_

_You're trying to make me like you! I'm not like you!_ he screamed at his uncle once.

_Has Snoke been any different?_

If he doesn't respond to this email… if he just leaves…

_It's too late._

_Too late for you and your parents. Too late for Rey._

If he goes to the police, his life will be over, but it might not be too late to stop this Starkiller project. To stop Snoke, and FO Tech.

Kylo taps a pen against his desk, a lump in his throat. He wishes he was fifteen year old Ben Solo again, wishes he still had possibilities galore ahead of him.

But he doesn't. There are two paths, and he needs to choose.

Kylo walks out of his office.

"Early day?" Hux calls as he passes.

"Yeah." He doesn't have the courage to tell Hux what he's really thinking.

The moment he steps outside, an overwhelming fear cripples him. He doubles over in the parking lot, clutching the side door.

_Don't go back inside. You can't._

Inexplicably Kylo thinks of that roommate of Rey's, the one who so disturbs Phasma. _Finn_.

If he can do it, so can Kylo. Or Ben. Whoever he is.


	15. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben reunite, Finn confides in Poe, and Han and Leia haven't given up on making things right.

" **Show me how you do that trick,**

" **The one that makes me scream," she said**

" **The one that makes me laugh," she said**

**And threw her arms around my neck.**

" **Show me how you do it**

**And I promise you, I promise that**

**I'll run away with you**

**I'll run away with you"**

" **Just Like Heaven," The Cure**

* * *

Rey hears Ben pulling into the driveway and leans back against his stoop. She's been here for hours. Burned, probably, although she's been in the shade for the past few hours, watching the battery on her phone dwindle away.

"Ben?" she calls.

"Shit!" He jumps out of his car. "Rey—you're—God, I didn't think—"

"I confronted your family. It didn't go well," she tells him, half expecting him to jump all over it.

Instead, he blinks and winces. "I'm so sorry, Rey."

"Are you okay?" she asks, getting to her feet and stretching. Her back cracks. His nostrils flare and he's gritting his teeth.

"I'm quitting FO Tech," he tells her. "I'm turning them in. I'll probably go to jail for everything." He gulps in air, looking much like Finn when anxiety snatches his control.

"Okay," Rey says, one part thrilled, and another part terrified for him.

"What am I going to do?" he asks her, voice cracking.

"Didn't you just tell me what you're going to do?"

He nods, blinking. "I'm so scared, Rey."

She catches his wrists, emotions storming through her. _See, you're about to lose him too_. "I know you are. But it's the right thing, right? To do this?" Her own voice trembles.

_I'd rather lose him to prison than to the creature FO Tech wants him to be._

He nods again. "I don't want to be this person, Rey. Not anymore." He drops his head.

Rey presses her palms against his shirt, feeling his chest. "I'm proud of you." She knows he needs to hear it. She looks up at his face, her mouth opening slightly.

 _You know what I want._ She doesn't have to ask.

His lips sink down to meet hers, and Rey throws her arms around his neck. He heaves her up, and she wraps her legs around his waist as she presses into his mouth with urgency because she wants him, and she wants him now, and he wants her. He presses her up against the side of the house, and Rey kisses Ben Solo, kisses Kylo Ren, and it doesn't matter his name because they're the same person and she loves him. His hands dig under her shirt and her hands massage his scalp, run through his hair. Her heart pounds and something ignites in her chest.

He might be gone soon enough, but for right now, he's _here_ , he's in her arms and she's in his. He's _here_.

"Should we go inside?" Rey manages, lifting her head.

He smiles, tracing the side of her face. "Yeah." He lets her down, and she follows him into the house, both of them trying to kiss and stagger up the stairs and into his room. He disappears into the bathroom, presumably to get a condom. Rey hopes. He comes back in, and Rey's heart skips a beat. She exhales.

"I've never done this before," she admits.

He laughs. "Neither have I."

Her jaw drops. "Aren't you twenty-nine?"

He shrugs, a smirk on his face. "I'm shy."

Rey grins. "Well, now I feel less insecure."

"We'll figure it out," he assures her, cupping his hand around the back of her head. He pulls her hair loose from its buns, one at a time as his lips drive into hers. He pulls away, pressing her hair against the side of her face. He studies her. His eyes tell her what he thinks, and he doesn't even need to say it.

She pulls off her own shirt, and Ben pulls off his. She slides back on the bed, the comforter soft against her legs as he folds her in his arms, pulling her face towards his and kissing her again. She traces the line of his neck with her lips, and he groans.

"What's this?" Rey asks, spotting a red mark and stretched flesh under his ribs.

"A scar. I got it when I was twenty-two—a car—"

Rey bends over and kisses him against the mottled skin, His fingers wind through her hair, run down her back to her bra clasp, which he fumbles to undo.

"Need help?" she asks, stifling another laugh.

"Got it." He smiles and lifts it away, and Rey lies back, her mouth on his neck as he leans forward. His hands cover her chest, and sparks shiver through her. She wraps her legs around him again. Butterflies flutter in her stomach as she pulls back, and he looks at her with his eyes the color of earth in spring—he looks at her like she's beautiful, and Rey knows he loves her too.

"Are you afraid?" he asks uncertainly.

"No." _I feel it too_. She reaches down to unzip his pants, and his fingers undo the button on her shorts. His lips graze her stomach, her navel. A thrill shudders through her. His fingers grip her shoulders and she sees his face again, his lips parted as he gasps. Her hips move against his, and she calls him _Ben_ because that's who he is to her. Someone who's choosing the right path, finally. Someone who sees her as who she is, family name be damned. Someone who _loves_ her, who saw her lost and lonely on a bench and offered to help her. Someone who let her inspire him.

Her muscles wind up, but he's gasping as if he's already free and she needs _more_ —she digs her hands into his back, her palms sweating, and then exhilaration lifts her up and she pulls his mouth down to cover hers again.

* * *

"I can't believe they kept that from her," Poe says bleakly as he stares into a mug of coffee and scratches Beebee-Ate's head.

Finn can, though. His own secrets scream and pound against the vault he's locked them in. And letting them loose would be asking for shame, because he deserves it. Just like Luke, and Han… only even worse.

Finn studies Poe, the way his shoulders droop and his lips hang right now, but he knows how those lips smile, how they kiss, and he knows he can't lie to Poe anymore.

"I'm doing the same thing," he blurts out, before he can stop himself. Finn sets his own cup of tea down, fingers shaking.

"Huh?" Poe's eyebrows fly up his forehead.

"I'm—I've been keeping something from you, because I'm scared. Like Luke. I feel for Rey, but I also—I get what he feels too, you know?"

"No," Poe says slowly, jaw hovering open. "Finn?"

Poe's _afraid_. Finn hates himself, but he forces himself to regurgitate the story of Phasma and her threats.

"You never—you—but you never actually did it," Poe stammers.

"Does it matter? I might have."

"Yeah—but—yeah, it matters." Poe shakes his head, shoving his own coffee away onto the end table. "You didn't go through with it. That's got to count for something."

Finn shrugs. _"I might have."_

Poe throws his hands up in the air. "You're so fucking _hard_ on yourself, Finn. _Why?_ Like, really, truly, honestly, _why?"_

"Why not?" Finn manages, confused and hoping and confused about that hope. "I've always had to prove myself."

In all the houses he lived in. Prove that he deserved to stay. Prove that he wasn't going to be a stereotypical troubled kid to his teachers. Prove that he deserved his scholarship.

And in all that proving, he forgot how to be a good person, how to do the right thing. Until he saw people he didn't know getting slaughtered on TV and Phasma ran Poe over with her car.

"You don't have to, not to me," Poe insists. "Finn, I—people did doubt you when you first came. I defended you."

Finn throws his hands up in the air. "And you were wrong."

"What the fucking hell, man? No, I'm not." Poe moves to the couch, taking both of Finn's hands with his own. "God, Finn, people make their own choices. You chose— _not_ to. And I admire that." He gulps, and his eyes retreat to places Finn's never known, to his own vault. "Finn, there are things I've done that were wrong, too."

"Like potentially spying on an ex-agent?" Finn snorts.

"No… like I was a bit of a hotshot playboy for awhile. I never let it interfere with my job, though—my job was my _life_. I wanted to make my parents proud, from beyond the grave, you know?" Poe drags his hands through his hair and shakes his head, biting his lip. "So I shut off parts of me. I thought what I did in my social life didn't matter, because I didn't have much of one, but what I did have I spent banging whomever I could, drinking—because my job wasn't fulfilling me, even though I thought it should. It's not like it was wrong—it wasn't—but it was empty and I hated that. And God, Finn, there's so much corruption there—it's like not even worth fighting for. So when Leia asked to meet with me, I left. At least at Alderaan House, I felt like I could make a _difference_ —and then you showed up. I mean, I basically gave up on any kind of social life, because I had something to do that _mattered_ —this FO Tech investigation. And then you came, and Finn—" Poe's voice cracks. "I love you, Finn."

Finn craves to hear those words again, the words he never thought he would deserve, and yet he still struggles to swallow them. _"Why?"_

"Because I do." Poe grips Finn's shoulder. "And I hate seeing you so down on yourself. Please consider seeing someone. _I'll_ fucking pay, and don't look at me like that—it'd be a _privilege_."

Finn leans his head against Poe's shoulder. "I love you, too." Words he's never said aloud. Never thought he would say, at least not to anyone who actually reciprocated.

Poe wraps his arms around Finn. "I forgive you, okay?"

"I believe you," Finn chokes out.

"We'll take down FO Tech. I promise," Poe says as he holds Finn tight, his hands moving in circles on Finn's back. "I promise."

* * *

"Just say it, Leia," Han says bleakly. "I fucked up. Again."

"I don't need to say it. You just did."

"You had the best of intentions," Chewie grumbles.

"Too bad those count for shit." Han leans back and groans.

"She hates me," Luke says bleakly.

"She'll get over it," Leia says, surprising Han. Her hand closes over his arm, and Han doesn't understand why she's so calm. After the kids fled, Leia ordered them all to get out. She called them to come back in the late afternoon. Han drove aimlessly with Chewie around the city. He didn't stop for coffee, and his head throbs from caffeine withdrawal. Chewie suggested they work on their story, but the memory of Rey's face— _had Ben's face ever looked similar? Why can't Han remember_? Because you weren't there—sapped all the motivation from Han.

"Will she, though? Obi-Wan was—I feel like I've let him down. Like I've let her down, again."

 _And all of you._ Luke doesn't have to say it. Artoo whines and rests her head against Luke's knee.

"Luke, even if you can't wind up helping with this stupid investigation," Leia says. "I just wanted you _back_. You've never been a perfect brother, and you never will be. I just want _a_ brother."

"Do or do not. There is no try," Luke recites. "That's what Yoda, the agent who trained me, used to tell me. I tried with Rey. I didn't do. I failed."

"There's still time," Leia says.

"Is there?" Luke's face—the cynicism. Han doesn't like it. That look—the raised upper lip, the narrowed eyes—that belongs on _his_ face, not Luke's.

"I just don't see why you always see the need to hide things from me." Leia huffs. "Both of you. That's not really worked out for anyone."

"I just want to make things _right_ ," Luke says, doubling over.

"We still can," Han says, blowing out his breath.

"How?" Leia studies him.

He shrugs. "I don't know. We'll figure it out somehow, like we always do."

Leia looks into his eyes, and Han sees her skepticism, all the quips and remarks and fumbled plans they'd come up with in their youth, when he was a brash reporter and she was a lawyer just starting out, a lawyer with a heart for refugees and advocacy who wasn't afraid to call him out on his bullshit.

 _Hey, we're still here_. He shrugs.

She leans over and pulls his face close, kissing him like they used to, back when there was no loss in their life, back when it was just them and their son was so young, so innocent, back when all they had was their dreams and their passions and they were so _certain_ that nothing would get in the way.

 _We can do it,_ Han thinks. _We can make things right._

* * *

Ben wakes up to his phone ringing. He blinks. It's _dark_. Rey's head is pressed against his chest, and warmth floods through him as he remembers her small body under his.

 _Ben_. That was the name she moaned, and that's the name he wants to be called from now on. Not Kylo Ren.

"Who's calling?" Rey asks groggily. "Shit. What time is it?"

"Apparently 11:15," Ben says, staring at his phone and at the name glistening in white font. "I have to take this." He leaps out of bed, the cool air slapping against him.

"I heard you left work early, and you haven't answered your texts," Snoke growls. "Are you sick?"

"I—no. I'm fine." He's tempted to lie, but he won't. _Cut off the snake's head. Don't let it live._

"Well, I needed you to respond to that email eight fucking hours ago, and you—"

"I'm not going to reply," Ben interrupts, breathing heavily. His chest hurts, and he thinks of that night in the hospital over a decade ago, when Snoke loomed over him as the doctor recommended psychiatric treatment.

_You're not that weak._

_Yes, I am,_ Ben thinks. _I still am_.

The acknowledgement pricks at him, but it energizes him at the same time. _Snoke's wrong_.

 _I don't have to follow him_.

" _What?"_ Snoke rumbles.

"I'm quitting. I quit. I'm done. With FO Tech. With you." Ben hates himself for his cruelty towards his mentor, but when Snoke's voice comes out devoid of any shakiness, any personal feelings, justified fire rises up inside Ben.

"You ungrateful little—if you think you can just walk away, you can't!"

"I don't care what you think I can or can't do." Behind him, he hears Rey's feet padding against the bare wood floor.

"Think about what you did to your father. I'll do far worse to your mother, to your girlfriend—there's no place you can hide—"

 _In prison I can_. But Ben doesn't say anything. There are a million threats, a million insults and a million memories Ben riling up that he would love nothing more than to spit at Snoke. But instead, he hits the red _end_ button and stares at his phone as Snoke's voice cuts out.

"Good for you," Rey says quietly from behind him. Swallowing, Ben turns to see her standing there, fully naked, hair brushing her shoulders. Heat stirs inside him.

_Not now._

"We're probably not safe here," he admits. "Snoke could come—I need to get to the police."

"I have a better idea," Rey says.


	16. Scrounging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe never thought he'd have to rely on Kylo Ren. And Hux never thought he'd have a heart-to-heart with Phasma.

"Poe, wake up."

The voice pries apart his cloudy dreams. He blinks. Finn stirs next to him.

"Wake _up_."

"Rey?" Finn groans. Poe cracks one eye open.

"What?" Poe squints. "You're back!"

"Yeah," Rey states. "And I need you."

"What time is it?" Poe asks, wincing. Sleep tethers itself to his eyelids, trying to pull him down again. He blinks and tries to focus on Rey.

"Just after midnight. It can't wait for morning." She crosses her arms and saunters back out to the living room.

"Fuck," Poe groans.

Finn climbs out of bed and flicks the light on. " _Damn_ you!" Poe hollers. He drags himself up and grabs a t-shirt to pull over his head.

Poe stops in his tracks when he sees just who sits on his couch, awkwardly patting Beebee-Ate, the little traitor. "Oh my God. _You_."

"Me," Kylo Ren agrees with an arched eyebrow. Rey settles down next to him, entwining her arm with his and casting Poe a pointed glare.

"The fuck?" Poe questions. Finn shrugs.

"We need help," Rey says. "Snoke's going to be looking for both of us."

"Both of—what—you too?" Poe does not understand and his blood caffeine levels are in the negative.

"I quit FO Tech," Kylo admits, eyes skittering from Poe to Finn.

Finn sighs and drops onto the armchair. Poe leans against it, his leg aching. "Why?" Poe demands.

"Because they're—" Kylo swallows and glances at Rey. "They're doing all that you think they're doing. Selling their weapons on the side to violent groups, and worse."

"Okay…" Poe says slowly, dragging his hand through his hair. "So, you're confessing?"

"Yeah." Kylo meets Poe's eyes. "They're also working on some deal with the Starkiller group."

Poe's joints stiffen. Ice coats his veins and his thoughts coagulate. "I— _what?"_

"That's the big project they're working on now. Mostly it's a guy named Brendol Hux, Jr… and me." Kylo covers his face as if he's actually ashamed. "Snoke asked me to help out. I swear I never worked in that part of the company before. Hux handled the behind the scenes deals, and I did the over-the-surface ones." He leans forward, voice muffled. "I knew about them, though. And the reason he's working with them is that the money he gets—he can use it to work on more weapons. Mass destruction weapons."

Rey shakes her head. "The _Starkiller_ group?"

"Oh my God," Finn says.

"I can't do it. I can't." Kylo lifts his face, looking to Rey, to Finn, to Poe. "Rey says you can help."

"You left," Finn interrupts as Poe opens his mouth.

"Uh—yeah."

"You're doing the right thing," Finn says, voice soft but solid.

Kylo blinks and gapes at Finn. Rey wipes at her eyes, and everyone in the room looks at Finn like he's amazing, like he's a treasure.

"What?" Finn asks, squirming backward in the armchair.

"You're awesome is all," Poe tells him, fumbling to take out his phone and record. "Okay, Kylo—how much of this deal has gone down? What are the terms, exactly?"

Kylo recites what he knows. "The shipments go out tomorrow at ten in the morning."

"Tomorrow—what?" Poe glares at him. "A little last minute, huh?"

"It's better than not at all," Rey retorts.

Poe shrugs. "Look, do you have proof with you? Like files and shit?"

Kylo groans. " _Shit_."

"I'mma take that as a _nope_. I'll call my contacts at the FBI and see what they can do." Poe bites his lip. "But without that, I can tell you right now, they aren't going to be thrilled to act on hearsay. Do you have any emails or anything on your phone?"

Kylo shakes his head. "I'm not allowed to have them anywhere except on the server at FO Tech. It's an informant. A tip."

"Not enough to act this quickly," Poe snaps, praying he's wrong even as he dials the number, limping into his room.

Within minutes, Poe's hopes deflate. "We've received no such intelligence," Lando Calrissian tells him.

"Well, now you have," Poe insists.

"No, Poe. You know I like you, but you're not—your reputation's not exactly stellar anymore. Not everyone at the Bureau took kindly to your leaving and running your own investigations for Alderaan House, which should be spending its time helping people anyways."

 _This_ is _helping people!_ Poe wants to scream. _Who the fuck are you to judge_? "Please. I believe him." _I can't believe I'm saying this._

"No can do, Poe. Unless you want to get evidence—"

"If the shipment of weapons goes out at ten am—"

"Yes, I see that FO Tech has a perfectly legal transport scheduled for tomorrow at ten. I want to believe you, Poe, but I need more to go on. I'm sorry."

"This," Poe seethes. "This bureaucratic red-tape bullshit is exactly why I quit. I mean, I get that the rules are there for a reason, but when you're refusing to act on perfectly good—"

 _Click_. Poe glares at his phone. _Dammit_.

He storms back out and knows the look on his face gives it away. "No go."

"I can't let more people die because of me," Kylo insists. "If I go to the police and turn myself in—"

"Trust me, pal, the local police ain't gonna be any more efficient."

"I can go back," Kylo says, threading his fingers through Rey's. "Tonight. Download my files. My emails. If I get them on a thumb drive and you send them to your friend, that'll be enough, won't it?"

"Yeah." Poe exhales. Would Kylo Ren really do that?

"So you're going back tonight?" Finn demands.

"I still have access. I doubt Snoke's vetted me out of the system so quickly." Kylo swallows.

"Yeah, but you don't have a car to get over there," Rey points out. "We took a taxi."

"Won't there be guards and security cams? If someone sees you who happens to know—" Finn starts.

"I doubt it's that risky." Kylo shrugs.

"Okay then." Rey crosses her arms. "Let me come with you."

Kylo's face blanches. "No."

"Well, if y'all are using my car, I sure as hell get to dictate who comes," Poe counters. "If Rey wants to keep me company, she's allowed."

"And you're just going to sit in the parking lot like a sitting duck?" Finn snaps.

Poe scowls. "I have a weapon. On second thought, Rey, you're not coming. We'll go alone."

"Oh, yeah, that really worked out last time. Your nose is still a little bruised," Finn snarls.

"Neither of us are going to sit around and wait while the two of you go there!" Rey shouts.

"We have _training_!" Poe yells back. "At least I do, and he's kind of necessary." He beckons to Kylo. "Let's go. _Now_."

Rey sends Finn a pointed look, and Poe's boyfriend settles back as if in acceptance. Poe's suspicious, but he doesn't have time to question. He leans over and catches Finn's lips with his own.

Rey grabs Kylo by his collar and pulls him in for a kiss.

"I'll be back," Poe promises Finn in his best Terminator voice, before it melts away. "I promise. And I'll text when I'm not driving."

"You better," Finn warns him, clutching the back of Poe's neck, his breath hot against Poe's face. "Okay?"

* * *

"Working past one am in a desperate attempt to stave off Snoke's favorite?" Phasma taunts as she saunters into Hux's office space.

He scowls. "Tomorrow's an important day."

"Yeah, I imagine so." Phasma leans over, drinking her coffee.

"Why are you still here?" Hux gripes. He doesn't like this woman. He doesn't like how her voice sets every nerve in his body aflame, how blood surges when she leans across the table, her low-cut shirt revealing far more than she would during a work day. He doesn't like remembering that one night when they both worked late, too late, under too much stress and she expressed worry about one of her recruits.

All he'd intended to do was reassure her that she was good at her job, and any weakness was the engineer's fault. And then his mouth found hers, and Hux hates himself for thinking of it every time he hears her voice sloshing through the air.

Phasma doesn't answer, because of course she doesn't. She probably has him figured out more than he has her figured out, and Hux hates that too.

All he knows about her is her body, and he wants to know more.

As if reading his thoughts, Phasma cocks her head and half of her lips perk up. "What do you think about the Starkiller project?"

"It's about to go down and I have—"

"Not the logistics, _Hux_." She shakes her head, and he slinks down in his chair. "What do you feel about it? What's your opinion? You do have those, don't you?"

"Many," he retorts, face flushing. He scowls at his computer.

"So about the Starkiller…" Phasma prompts.

He shrugs. "It's necessary, isn't it?"

"That's not an _opinion_."

"Isn't it, though?" Hux laughs. "Because what if it's not?"

Phasma's smirk vanishes. She takes him in with her eyes wide. "What do you think?"

"I think… I don't like it." Hux shrugs, his voice a whisper. "Not that there's a point to that. Snoke knows best, and none of it matters anyways."

"I don't like it either," Phasma informs him. Hux's heart jolts. "It's bad for the company."

It's bad on so many levels. Hux shakes his head. "You don't even know."

"What?"

"Kylo Ren just quit. Snoke told me." Hux sighs and hears the air shake. _Pull yourself together_.

Phasma smirks again, and Hux wants to wipe that smirk away. "Well, that's good for you, now isn't it? You get to be the heir presumptive to FO Tech."

Hux snorts. "Asking for a promotion already?"

Phasma laughs, and for the first time, it's musical, no mockery sheathed within.

"You want to know why I'm here so late?" Hux demands. "It's not because of the Starkiller project. Snoke wants me to locate Kylo Ren. Logically, he's got to be at his girlfriend's, because he isn't at home."

"And?"

"I'm afraid to do it. Not afraid," he rushes to clarify, to lie. "And I need to. Because Snoke's afraid Kylo Ren will go to the police."

Phasma's nose wrinkles. "You really think he'll want to spend all that time in prison himself?"

"Possibly." Hux shrugs. "He's been so different since he started seeing that girl. A homeless barista girl." He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand at all. Kylo Ren had it _all_. He had Snoke's favor. He had accomplished all he could—he ordered his father beaten, in front of Hux even—he had everything Hux bloody wanted, and he's throwing it away, throwing them all away, for that girl.

Something aches inside Hux's chest. Too much spice with his dinner, no doubt.

"She's innocent, Hux," Phasma says.

" _You_ threatened her," Hux snaps. "You told me."

"It was an empty threat directed more at Finn than her." Phasma swallows.

"You don't want me to do it," Hux says, staring at her and reading all the waves coming off her, and God, it's like he's seeing it all, another dimension, for the first time. "You don't like this Starkiller project any more than I do. You probably don't even like the other projects—"

"I don't," Phasma cuts in, agreeing.

He rounds his desk, stalking over to her and tilting his head up to look in her eyes. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Why would I think you'd want to know?"

"I have to do this," Hux mutters. "And then—and then—or—and—then—leave."

"Leave?"

"I can't do it again. I can't do it even now. Not just Kylo Ren and his pathetic street girlfriend—"

"You know I came from the streets," Phasma interrupts.

Hux freezes. "What?"

"I ran away after… my parents got in a particular bad fight. Or really, they were united, fighting me." She smirks again. "FO Tech offered me a way out. I thought it'd be poetic justice. And now…"

"If I don't, we'll all go to prison," Hux says.

Phasma shakes her head. "Not me."

"How do you plan to avoid that?" Hux demands, fear—oh, _God_ , _fear_ —creeping up his chest. She won't harm herself, will she?

Hux's father killed his mother with an FO Tech gun one night. An accident. And he called his son, crying and screaming, the only time Hux ever heard his father cry.

And then there was a gunshot, a second gunshot, Hux imagines. He never heard the first one, but now he hears it all the time. Every night.

_Does this place deserve your loyalty?_

"I'm going to run," Phasma declares.

"Where?" Hux scoffs.

She shakes her head. "Just run." She hesitates. "You could come with me."

"What?" Hux gapes at her.

"What do you have here?" And she bends down and kisses him, and dizziness sweeps Hux up in its arms.

He gasps and pulls away. _A mistake,_ she'd said. "Why are you doing this?"

Phasma doesn't smirk. She doesn't smile. She just looks at him, pulls his doubts from his brain and tells him: "Not out of pity."

Hux digs his mouth deeper into hers, falling backwards with her on top of him.

His father wouldn't respect a single decision he's making—reneging on helping Snoke, running from the law, refusing to see the Starkiller deal carried to fruition, letting a woman convince him to come away with her, letting her ride him.

 _Good thing I'm not you, Dad,_ Hux thinks as Phasma starts and electricity shoots through him, carrying him far, far away.

* * *

"Are you calling Luke or am I calling Luke?" Finn questions as soon as the door clicks shut behind their boyfriends.

"You are." Rey folds her arms. "I'm still not quite ready. But we need him."

" _Great_." Finn wonders how he's gonna handle the news that his psycho nephew is trying to regain a little moral clarity.

He dials. Luke answers on the fifth ring. "H'llo?"

"Hi Luke. It's, uh, it's Finn."

"Is something—"

"Well, kinda, sorta, yeah. Kylo Ren showed up here. With Rey. And he gave Poe all sorts of confessions." Finn launches into an explanation as Rey yawns in the backdrop. Beebee's gone back to snoring.

"I'm on my way," Luke says instantly. "They could use another person."

"How about three other persons?" Finn asks. "Will you pick us up?"

"Sorry." Luke hangs up.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Finn complains.

"We can call a taxi," Rey suggests.

Finn shakes his head. "Two cars might look suspicious enough at this time of night. Do we really want to risk alerting security?"

Rey groans and slumps back down.

"Hey." Finn drops next to her, and she leans her head against his shoulder. "They'll be all right. Poe promised."

"And then Ben'll go to jail." Rey shakes her head. "I know he deserves it, Finn, I do, but—"

"You love him," Finn finishes.

"Yeah."

"I changed," Finn murmurs. "So has Ben, by some miracle." If he'd stayed… if he hadn't had that panic attack when the news showed those videos, he could have wound up like Kylo, like Ben.

He can't hate the guy.

Someone buzzes their apartment. Rey leaps up, fury in her eyes. "Is it—"

"Yeah?" Finn snarls as he presses the button.

"Finn, it's Leia."

"Oh," Finn gasps as Rey leans back against the wall. "Hi."


	17. Break In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia and Han confront Rey and Finn, while Hux and Phasma face off with Poe and Ben.

"Where are we getting in from?" Poe questions, his gaze never wavering. He so does not trust him, and Ben can't blame Poe and yet it still irritates him.

"Is it okay if I pull around back? I have a key, and security will be less vigilant about checking that lot."

"If I call Jess or Snap, do our chances of getting caught go up?"

"What do you think?" _You're the ex-agent._

"Damn." Poe groans. "If they see you, what're they gonna do?" he wants to know. He rubs his chin.

"It depends on if Snoke's alerted them or not. I'm guessing not, so we'll be fine unless your buddy doesn't come through in time," Ben says, twisting the tables as he does so well.

Poe snorts.

Ben brakes for a red light, realizes no one's around, and powers through anyways. His tongue sticks in his mouth. "Will you take care of Rey? I mean, I know you and Finn are—together. Rey told me. But when I go to jail, will you let her stay with you guys anyways as your roommate? Make sure she's not lonely?"

"You're really willing to go to jail, aren't you?"

"That's what I just said," Ben snaps.

Poe exhales. "I hope you know that Rey is my friend. And Finn's. God, she's probably Finn's best friend. We're not leaving her anytime. I'm not a flake."

"Good." He swallows.

Out of the corner of Ben's eyes, he sees Poe watching him, biting his lip as if there's something running through his mind, something he's trying to grasp about Ben, about Kylo, and Ben doesn't have the emotional energy to spare on trying to figure out what it is.

"Do you _want_ to go to prison?" Poe finally asks.

"Who would want to? I _need_ to. There's no other way."

"Yeah." Poe sighs. "Probs not. It's what you deserve."

Ben grits his teeth. "I know."

"But you weren't involved in all of the other deals," Poe states as Ben breaks for a running squirrel.

 _Run, little guy, run,_ Ben thinks as he watches the squirrel hesitate, staring at the glaring lights. Finally, it spins and scampers to safety. "Not directly. I knew, though. I didn't like it exactly, but I knew."

"And will whatever we download from your computer _show_ that?"

"What does it matter?"

"It probably doesn't," Poe confirms. "I'm just asking. _Could_ it? Does it?"

"Probably." Ben turns down a familiar street, and Poe finally tears his eyes away from him and onto the building looming in front of them, dark and imposing, streetlights slapping their light at its feet.

* * *

 _Ding_.

Hux freezes, his pants half pulled up and Phasma still topless on the floor.

"The elevator?" Phasma quizzes.

Footsteps thud. "Shit." Hux lunges for the light switch, plunging the offices into darkness as he drops to the floor, huddling behind his desk. He reaches his arm out to grasp Phasma's shoulder, not sure whether he's trying to tell her he'll protect her or asking her to protect him.

"Through here," Hux hears Kylo Ren say. Two people tread down the hallway towards Kylo Ren's office. Light glimmers from the door.

"What are they here for?" Hux wonders.

"Isn't it bloody obvious?" Phasma hisses.

"Yes," Hux answers. Kylo Ren's surely not packing up his desk belongings. He's turning them in.

_You're really going to have to run now._

He already knew that.

Phasma reaches her hand across to clasp the hand that clutches her own shoulder. "Do you think we can slip out while they're in there?"

"We're going to try." Hux reaches for his desk drawer, sliding it open a half inch at a time.

"What are you _doing?"_

"I keep emergency cash in here. And I need my wallet," Hux snaps.

She sighs. "Fine."

"Do you already have everything?"

"Yeah." Phasma hesitates before shrugging into her bra. "When we get out of here, I'll go to my place and meet you at yours, okay? And we'll leave together."

Hux's fingers close around the wad of cash. He rests back on his heels. "You will come?"

Her hand brushes his face. "I will."

And Hux, he has no choice but to believe her. "Let's go, then." He straightens up, buttoning his pants and jabbing the corner of the desk with a clank.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Phasma snorts. She's not mad—well, she is, but she's also—almost laughing.

Hux can't afford to smile. "Let's _go_."

Light floods over them, paralyzing Hux.

"Nope. You aren't going anywhere," taunts a cocky voice.

"Hux? Phasma?"

Hux scowls and turns to see Kylo Ren standing next to a much shorter man. The man whose nose Hux ordered broken. _Oops_.

And that man—whose name Hux doesn't even remember, because it's always simpler not to—aims a gun at him and Phasma.

 _Play it calm._ _Stay calm._ Hux slides his eyes towards Phasma, who's right by his desk phone. "Phasma, call Snoke."

"What?"

"If you move towards that phone—" Poe threatens.

"Just what are you doing here, Ren?" Hux demands.

Kylo shakes his head, and for the first time—well, maybe the second time, if Hux counts the time he ordered Kylo to follow Snoke's orders and beat his father—Hux feels like he's seeing Kylo without a mask. "Making sure your deal doesn't go through," he retorts. "Were you waiting for me? Did you already contact—"

" _No_ ," Phasma snaps, cutting Hux off. "We're leaving FO Tech."

"You too, huh?" Poe shakes his head, glowering at Hux.

Hux lifts his nose, sneering. He might not agree with all Snoke's done with FO Tech, but he won't tolerate this insolent ex-agent, this rogue investigator, looking down his holy nose at Hux. "And you're not going to stop us."

"I'm going to arrest you," Poe corrects.

"And just how do you plan to do that?" Phasma asks, stepping forwards. Her shirt still isn't on, although her bra covers her. There's no mistaking the muscles that bulge in her arms.

"You—you're Phasma," Poe stammers. "You're the one who threatened Finn! And me!"

"How is he?"

"Happy and not giving you any scrap of—"

"Clearly." Phasma rolls her eyes. "And now we're leaving. You don't have the manpower to arrest us, even with your gun, because we both know you aren't going to murder us."

"I can wound you," Poe says, eyes narrowing. "Incapacitate you. Like you did with me that night with your car _and_ when you threatened me."

"Can you?" Phasma's hand goes to her hip, where she keeps her own holster. Hux can't help smiling. This woman's _amazing_.

"If we leave now," Hux says. "We won't rat you out to Snoke, Ren. And you can do what you like with this crumbling company—turn it in, whatever. Issue arrest warrants for us if you want." He reaches for Phasma's hand, hoping she can't feel the tremble in his but knowing she can.

Poe glances as Kylo, who nods in annoyance.

Without another word, Hux and Phasma dash out.

* * *

"Is it finished downloading?" Poe demands, pacing with a sweaty sheen to his face. His leg quivers as if it's not fully healed.

"Just about," Ben answers, tapping his fingers against the back of the chair he's sat in every day for years.

"I don't like this," Poe reiterates, as if Ben can't pick up on his jutting jaw and scowl. "They could have warned someone as they were leaving."

"I _know_." Ben wants to scream. "I—got it."

"It's done?" Poe scrambles over.

"Yup." Ben detaches the thumb drive and pockets it.

"Nuh-uh." Poe holds out his hand. "Give it here."

Ben rolls his eyes, but he digs in and drops it into Poe's palm. "Happy?"

"Very," Poe calls as he limps after Ben. "Let's get the hell out of here."

Ben leans his head against the elevator wall, heart pounding. What if Hux and Phasma's escape alerted security? No, it's unlikely. Hux usually works vampire-esque hours. And this surely isn't the first time Hux and Phasma have stayed late together.

When the door to FO Tech locks behind him, Ben lets out the breath he hasn't realized he's been holding. He looks at Poe, who cocks his head as something soft—sympathy?—fills his eyes.

"Oh shit," Poe gasps as he skids to a stop.

Luke Skywalker crouches beside their car.

Ben's stomach lurches and he almost vomits onto the pavement. He's not ready to see his uncle. And oh _God_ , he knows fucking _everything_.

They all do, but Ben wanted them to see him when he'd already turned the evidence in, when he finished what his mother, father, uncle, and Lor San Tekka started.

"Finn called me," Luke says simply. "Parked down the street. I figured you might need some help."

"We've got what we need," Poe says, yanking the car door open. "And now we need to get the hell out of here."

How is he supposed to drive a car with his goddamn uncle no doubt tagging along?

"Hey," Poe says as he hobbles back over and grabs Ben by the shoulder. He meets Ben's eyes, and he doesn't say anything because he doesn't have to. "Come on."

Ben climbs into the car, and Luke into the backseat. "Let's leave my car," Luke says.

_Motherfucker._

"I'll text my buddy at the Bureau," Poe says. "And Finn and Rey."

Ben glances over his shoulder as he starts the ignition. His uncle studies him and Ben squirms.

"It's good to see you, Ben," Luke says softly.

"Yeah, how long has it been?" Ben snips as he starts to drive. They're almost home free.

"Ben, I was depressed. I wanted to—"

"Oh, stop it. Neither you, nor Mom, nor Dad—none of you bothered to look for me until it was too late," Ben says, voice cracking.

"Whoa," Poe says as he taps at his phone. "Um—guys—"

"I was depressed, Ben," Luke snaps. "I know I failed you, all right? I know it. I knew it then and I knew it now. You're not exactly eager to face up to it now that you know you've failed too, are you?"

_Don't you know what it's like to hide, and not know if it's what you're meant to do or if you're just afraid?_

Ben doesn't answer, because he needs to drive but his chest aches as sobs try to wrack through him. _I'm a failure. I really am._

_You're not failing this, though._

But Luke can't stop. "I was worried about you, Ben. Your mother—if I was worried, I know she was in agony—we couldn't publicize anything for your safety. We were worried people would track you down."

"I was safe," he finally chokes out.

"With _Snoke?"_

"He kept me alive."

 _What the fuck is wrong with you?_ Snoke roared when he found the empty Tylenol bottle and Ben pacing. _Get in my car. I'm taking you to get your stomach pumped like some pathetic nutcase._

When Ben lay there in the hospital, nauseated and his arms bruised from so many pricks and so many liver function tests, he almost wanted to call his mother.

But had he tried this at Luke's, at his parents', he surely would have been successful. And Ben knew then that he didn't want to die.

When Snoke offered him the name Kylo Ren, when seventeen-year-old Ben accepted it, he made Snoke and excelling in FO Tech his priority. A new name, a new life, a purpose and a direction.

Until his father called his name. Until Rey threw coffee in his face. Until he realized he couldn't bear to hurt her, not again.

Luke sighs as if he suspects what Ben might be talking about. "I'm _sorry_ , Ben."

 _We'll see,_ Ben thinks. He's not ready to absolve his uncle, not just yet.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Rey demands, not caring how rude she sounds. She spots the golden toenail shell Ben gave her, sparkling on the coffee table.

"Luke called us," Leia explains simply. "He told us about… our son."

"Ben," Rey says. And she doesn't care anymore. "He's my boyfriend."

Finn sinks back onto the couch as Han's jaw drops. Chewie shakes his head, hair flying everywhere.

"How long?" Leia wants to know.

"Since right before I started at Alderaan House." Rey shivers in her shorts and thin t-shirt. They need to turn down the air conditioning. "I lost my job and my apartment. He's the friend who helped me. He found me sleeping on a bench and offered to let me stay with him."

"And now you're dating," Han states.

"Yes."

"And you didn't tell us," Leia says, her voice shaking.

 _Oh shit._ Leia doesn't even have to say it. _I've been slightly hypocritical._ Rey lets out her breath. "At first I thought you'd fire me if you knew we were still friends. And then he didn't want you to know."

"Luke knew," Leia realizes.

Rey nods. _Yes, I love your son_ , she thinks. _Yes, I'm his girlfriend, and I'm not leaving him._

"So Luke told you what he and Poe are up to?" Finn interjects.

"Yes." Leia and Han exchange a look, one of almost hope, but hope crushed by so many years of disappointments, disappointment Rey knows well.

"You said you still love him," Rey says to Han. "You do, don't you? That wasn't a lie, was it?" Because even though she knows Ben's still terrified of facing his parents, she suspects he needs them more than he can admit—and he'll never ask. He knows he has no right to ask, so Rey will ask.

"Of _course_ I do," Han insists.

"And you love him?" Leia questions.

Rey nods as the intercom buzzes. She jumps.

"Did Poe forget his keys?" Finn wonders as he marches over and presses the intercom. "Hello?"

"I'm guessing this is Finn," comes a rasping voice Rey's never heard before, except maybe in her nightmares. "I know you and Rey Kenobi are in there. Either you let me up, or I'll just hang out in the parking lot and shoot both of your boyfriends when they arrive. And I'll collect your phones when I get up there, and if either of you text them in the meantime, I'll kill them."

Leia opens her mouth and Rey waves frantically. _No! Be quiet!_ "How do we know you won't kill us?" she calls as she jabs her finger at the bedrooms, jerking her head at Han, Leia, and Chewie.

"If Kylo Ren and Poe Dameron cooperate, I won't."

"Let him up," Rey tells Finn, heart pounding. Snoke may have a plan, but it has so many holes that Rey plans to grab it and tear it apart.


	18. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han, Leia, and Chewie call for help, but it might not arrive in time.

Finn casts Rey a desperate look as a knock sounds on their door.

 _Stay hidden,_ she shouted to Leia, Han, and Chewie. _Trust me. And take Beebee-Ate! Text Luke and call for help._

 _Okay, Rey,_ Finn decides as he unlocks the door. _My life is in your hands._

A familiar face burst through the door, aiming a gun at Finn's head. Finn's hands fly up as man Finn assumes is Snoke, draped in a suit too wrinkled for a CEO, saunters inside and shuts the door.

 _Nines_.

Beebee-Ate yowls from the bedroom. Finn's glad Nines can't see the dog that chewed his leg up.

"Take a seat," Snoke directs as Nines glowers at Finn.

He sits down on the couch, next to Rey, who gives him a small nod.

"Why are you here?" Rey asks. Her voice trembles but her eyes are focused, like lasers, on Snoke.

"I'm going to take those files," Snoke returns.

"Did security warn you?" Rey presses.

"Shut up," Snoke dictates.

 _That's a no,_ Finn realized. _Then who did_?

"Take their phones," Snoke orders. Nines snatches Finn's from his grasp, and Rey's.

"Passcodes?" Nines demands.

Rey recites hers, and Finn his. "No one texted, sir."

"Well done, Nines. It seems you're stepping up where this one failed," Snoke sighs, hand descending cold onto Finn's shoulder. Finn shudders, cold fingers sliding across his collar and leaving him feeling violated.

"Since when do you work directly with Snoke?" Finn asks Nines, his heart picking up pace. _No. Not now. Not_ now, _dammit_.

"Since you left," Nines snarls, jabbing the barrel of his weapon at Rey's skull. She flinches. "I can't see why Kylo Ren would trade common sense for you, slut."

"Don't talk to her like that!" Finn yells, starting to shake. He wraps his arms around his chest, rocking forward.

"You can't call me anything I haven't heard before," Rey informs Nines. "None of it's true, so you're not going to shake me."

_None of it's true._

The voices screaming and banging inside Finn's brain—that he's useless, a coward, a loser— _none of it's true_.

At least, it doesn't have to be.

* * *

Poe's phone lights up at the same time Luke's does. Texts from Leia.

_At your place w Han and Chewie, hiding in Poe's rm. Snoke is here. Has a gun and another man. He wants the files. Holding Rey and Finn hostage. Rey has a plan, we think. Calling the police._

"Holy—" Luke starts.

"Oh, no," Poe gasps. _Finn_. And Rey. And what about Beebee-Ate?

"What?" Ben demands, swiveling to glance at Poe and no doubt taking in his horror-struck face. Because Poe really feels like he could be sick.

"Snoke… is at our place. He has Rey and Finn. Your parents and Chewie are hiding in my room."

"My parents are— _what?_ Snoke?"

"I called your parents," Luke says. "I had no idea they would—or Snoke would—"

"Well, they did and Snoke did!" Ben shouts. Panic echoes from his cry. Poe reaches out and puts his hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben moves to shrug him off and then stops, as if he can't bring himself to do it. He stops for a red light and turns to Poe, gulping air as if trying not to cry.

"Neither of them are going to die," Poe insists. "None of them." _I'm not losing Finn. Not like my parents. No, no, no._

"We can't give that up," Luke says. "The thumb-drive."

"I know." Poe swallows. "If we call the cops, Snoke will kill them all before they get in, won't he?"

The light turns green as Ben nods. "Call him," Ben croaks out. "Poe, use my phone. Call him."

"And say what, Ben?" Luke asks.

"You need to get him out of that apartment," Ben says. "Get him down, outside."

"Tell him we want an exchange?" Poe queries. "The thumb drive if he and whoever his henchman is bring Finn and Rey down?"

"Exactly. And Poe, call your FBI contact too, and let him know."

"Sounds good," Poe says. He cocks his own weapon as he dials Ben's phone. "Did security catch us after all?" he wonders.

"No." Ben shakes his head. "I'm an _idiot_."

"What?" Poe freezes as he prepares to press _call_.

"He told me he fired Mitaka… but Mitaka has my—he was Snoke's spy, he's the one who hit Rey with the car—he has access to my files, I know he does. He must still be working for Snoke—if Snoke lied—or maybe he didn't, but Snoke called him and asked him to keep an eye on my computer access after—after I called him," Ben reasons out loud.

"Can we assume this Mitaka is the man Leia described?" Luke asks as he texts his sister.

"Probably."

* * *

"Poe Dameron?" Snoke snarls into his phone. Rey reaches out and grabs Finn's hand. His palms are slick with sweat, but he squeezes her back.

 _I'm gonna need you,_ she thinks as she meets his eyes. She doesn't know precisely how yet.

She knows he can't literally read her mind, but he gives her a nod as if to say that he'll follow her lead.

Snoke continues to grouse into the phone and Beebee-Ate whines at the door.

"If he doesn't stop it I'll put a bullet in that miserable animal!" snaps Nines.

"Like hell you will," Finn says.

"Wanna test that?" Nines aims the gun at Finn's head.

"Nines!" Snoke barks. "In five minutes, we're going down."

"Huh?" Nines gapes. Rey digs her fingers into Finn's. _Where are the cops?_

 _ _Why did you race home? Do you seriously think you can take them, just the three of you?__ She'd counted on the cops arriving before Ben, Poe, and Luke. 

"We'll be taking them down. For a trade." Snoke nods at Rey. "I'll take her. She'll be no trouble for me, will you, sweetheart?"

"I'm not your sweetheart," Rey retorts as her heart flutters. Why aren't the cops here yet? _I want my tax dollars back._

He raises his eyebrows, face caving in a smile that reveals a string of broken teeth, all still pearly white, but cracked and chipped. "You take that traitor," he says, nodding at Finn.

"My pleasure, Mr. Snoke," Nines squeaks.

Rey pinches Finn and narrows her eyes at him. He nods.

They both know that they'll have one chance.

Snoke's phone lights up. Finn lets out a shuddering breath and almost a moan. Snoke reaches for Rey, dragging her up with his too-long fingers, his other withered arm cocking a gun at her temple. "Let's go."

* * *

Luke presses himself up against the wall as Ben and Poe wait by the car. Sure, enough, Snoke's flashy sports car rests in the parking lot, along with Mitaka's Prius. The car that almost killed Rey. Ben tightens his fists.

The door swings open and Rey steps out, Snoke with his hand gripping Rey's shoulder. Luke swings into action as Rey throws her heel back, into Snoke's crotch. Her head ducks below Snoke's gun as Luke lunges and twists the weapon out of Snoke's hand, sending it skittering across the pavement.

Finn wrestles with another man Ben's never seen before. A shot fires through the air, but Finn kicks the boy to the ground as Ben rushes forward, grabbing the weapon and aiming it. "Stay down!"

Finn looks at Ben with his jaw open. He's shaking, but his eyes are alert and alive.

Artoo leaps on Nines, growling.

"Good dog," Finn comments.

Poe shouts, and Ben turns to see a smaller figure, dressed in black, wrapping his arms around Poe's throat. Poe drops the gun he'd aimed at Snoke as Mitaka tries to choke Poe.

"Oi!" Rey leaps to her feet as Luke continues struggling with Snoke. Mitaka's elbow hits Poe in the neck, and Poe collapses. A black thumb drive spins through the air.

Ben leaves this man to Finn, racing towards them. Rey throws herself at the thumb drive, grasping it. Mitaka grabs her by the shoulders, throwing her against the pavement. One hand tries to wrench it from her grip as the other closes around Rey's throat.

" _Rey!"_ Ben screams. "Let her go!" He points the gun. "Mitaka!"

Ben's old secretary glares at him, the streetlights casting his face in a hellish yellow glow. _He won't._

Ben kicks Mitaka in the ribs, sending the man sprawling on the ground, head smacking. He hears Rey gagging behind him. Mitaka glares up at Ben, who cocks the weapon.

He could kill him. Ben can see the bullet flying out, hitting Mitaka in the skull and ending this man, the man he had mercy on only for this man to try and kill them all. Mitaka spits out bloody phlegm, a gash bleeding from his forehead.

He can't.

Ben drops his arm, and Mitaka drops his head. "Rey—"

"I still have it," she chokes out as Ben reaches for her. She hacks for air as Ben pulls her up, her fist clenched around the thumb drive.

"What happened?" Poe groans as he comes to. The door swings open, but Ben focuses on Rey. He brushes hair from her tear-streaked face. Sirens screech in the distance.

Something scrambles behind him. Ben whirls around, shoving Rey away on instinct, as he sees Mitaka pouncing on Snoke's fallen weapon as Luke shouts, restraining Snoke, and Finn screams, and out of the corner of Ben's eyes he sees someone rushing towards him even as Mitaka fires.

Black.

He closes his eyes, anticipating the pain of a bullet ripping through his muscle, his bones. But instead, a far worse pain tears through him: the sound of an old man groaning.

Ben's eyes fly open and he drops as the man drops in front of him, cradling his father. Blood seeps through his father's vest.

A flurry of feet. Chewie, and his mother—they kick Mitaka, they stop him, but Ben can't stop the blood streaming from his father's chest. He can't even speak. His fingers try to work, try to press, press, press against the wound, but blood runs through anyways, baptizing him in death, his father's death.

Chewie screams.

"Hold on, Han!" Rey cries, pressing her hands against the wound. A tissue against a torrent.

 _Please, please. Please._ Ben doesn't care. Miracles can happen. He's never believed it before, but he believes it now. He needs to believe it.

Han's fingers, red streaked, reach up. His eyes search Ben's face, search his son's eyes, as Ben sobs. So much to say, and no words, only a look, only his face and nothing more. There would never be enough time in the world to apologize, to assure, to question, and now time itself is bleeding out and he has only seconds and his brain won't even eke out a plan.

The fingers land, sopping, against Ben's cheekbone, and Han strokes his face.

Because he doesn't know if his father can say the words, Ben has to: "I _love_ you."

Han gurgles, bloody flecks appearing on his lips. "I know," he manages.

" _Move_ , idiot!" Poe wrenches Ben away and literally kneels on top of Han's wound. "Stay with me, man!"

Snoke laughs and laughs, and Rey suddenly snaps. She leaps to her feet and flies at him, slamming her fist across his jaw. Something flies through the air— _a tooth?_

And then Rey wraps her arms around Ben as he shakes and shakes.


	19. Miracles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, Rey, and Finn wrestle with the fallout.

Sirens scream, but all Rey hears are sobs—Ben's, her own, Leia's, Chewie's, Luke's, Finn's. She waits for Poe's, waits for Poe to confirm it, to confirm that it's over, but Poe still works, frantic, gasping, but not crying.

"Let's go!" shouts an African-American man as he leaps out of a vehicle, racing over to Luke and Snoke and Finn and the other man. Ben leans over and gags. Rey presses her face against his shoulder, cradling his head.

"Come on!" Several medics rush by, and Poe steps away. Rey glances up, terror biting at her wrists, the soles of her feet. A sheen of sweat covers Poe's ashen face, and blood stains his shirt, his jeans, but his brow's still tense.

"Give them some room!" barks out the African-American man. An agent, Rey realizes. She grabs Ben and pulls him away, towards Finn and Luke. Artoo howls as they both kneel on the ground.

Leia crowds near the medics, her hand over her mouth. One of them says something to her and she steps back, but she can't join the rest of them. Or, at least, she doesn't.

Luke turns to his nephew, and Ben backs away, face like a cowed dog facing an angry owner. Rey knows that look well.

Tear tracks mar the bloody streak on Ben's cheek as he looks up at his uncle, gasping, his hair soaked in sweat.

Luke shakes his head and drops to his knees next to Ben, pulling his nephew against his shoulder like Ben's a young boy waking up from a nightmare. Except he can't soothe this away, but he's trying, and that's _something_ , Rey supposes.

Something drops in the corner of Rey's eyes, and she realizes Finn's put his hand on Ben's shoulder, even as Finn cries too.

The medics rise, lifting a stretcher. Leia watches it go, Poe's arm around her. Chewie paces back and forth, unable to look at his friend, at Ben.

"Excuse me," interrupts the African-American agent. "Kylo Ren?"

Ben flinches and nods.

"You'll have to come with us. Actually—we'll need to question you all. But—"

"You're arresting me," Ben states.

"Well, yes. But you aren't being charged with anything. Yet."

"I will be, though," Ben mutters, getting to his feet. Rey rises with him, and she feels Finn's hands on her shoulders as the agent puts Ben's hands behind his back, snapping handcuffs on. Ben's head hangs low, avoiding his mother's gaze.

"Ben," Rey calls, reaching her hand out towards him even though she's bawling. She can't grab him and he can't grab onto her, not this time, but _please, Ben, just know I'm reaching for you_.

He looks at her like she's his only hope, a miracle and he drinks her in.

"I'm going to the hospital," Poe announces as he strides over. The car door slams, closing Ben in. "With Leia. Lando says they can question us there…"

"I'll go with you," Finn adds.

Rey shakes her head. "Text me. I'm—going to the station. Or the agency. Wherever."

"Just a station," Poe confirms. "For now. Luke—what are you—"

"I'll go with Rey, answer some questions, and then head over to the hospital," Luke says. "If… she's okay with that."

Rey glances at the man who, in another set of circumstances, could have wound up raising her. "I'm okay with it." She wipes at her eyes.

At the station, Rey and Luke sit in silence, with Artoo between them. Beebee-Ate must still be in the apartment. Poor thing.

Almost obsessively, Rey checks her texts to see if there's an update. Bile surges in her throat each time, because she's so afraid she'll see the words she expects.

The agent who arrested Ben asks to talk to her. Lando Calrissian, his name is, and even he appears shaken.

"Name?"

"Rey… Kenobi," she answers. "Legally Rey Jakku."

Lando cocks his head, a smile on his face.

Rey answers everything as best she can, and they let her go.

Luke studies her face when she emerges. She drops into the seat next to him, and the minutes tick-tock by in silence.

"What was my grandfather like?" Rey finally asks, shattering the invisible wall.

"Do you really want to know?" Luke asks.

She nods. "I can't just sit here. I'm going crazy."

"Your grandfather…" Luke sighs, and then he launches into a description of a brave, patient, kind man, the kind of man Rey's always imagined her father to be.

 _Still waiting,_ Finn texts her four hours in. _Surgery's long_.

Rey chugs coffee as she listens to Luke, but exhaustion catches her and she falls asleep, her head against Luke's shoulder.

A hand shakes her awake. Rey blinks, gripping her phone. _Still_ nothing?

"You can see him now," Lando Calrissian tells her. He turns to Luke. "They haven't officially charged any of them yet—still gathering information—but he's been cooperating."

"This shipment?" Luke quizzes.

"Can't say to a private citizen," Lando says, but he winks.

 _They got it._ Relief washes over Rey. She jumps to her feet, pulse beating in her throat. She endures the mandatory pat down before she rushes to see him.

He's slumped against a wall, and she runs towards him. Two guards stand in the corners. "Ben."

"No touching," one guard orders as Rey takes a seat across from him. Ben's eyes and nose, swollen and red, all scream his grief, his regret. She aches to reach out, hold him like they held each other less than twenty-four hours ago.

"I love you," she says.

He sniffs and his lips quiver. "I love you, too."

"I'm sorry—if I just—if I hadn't let Snoke up—" She hits her forehead.

"Rey, if anyone's to blame, it's me. It's _not_ you."

"Bullshit. You aren't—you fucked up, but you were trying to make it right—you _did_ make it right."

"You trusted me to fix it, though. That was your plan, wasn't it? And now my father's—he's—" Ben covers his mouth and sobs.

"He _loves_ you. He won't regret it and you know it," Rey insists. _Please believe me, Ben._ Please.

_Please live to tell him, Han._

"I wish I could prove it to him."

"You just might," Rey says, voice shaking. "And even if not… remember what he said to you. I think you already _have_ proven it. He's forgiven you. You just had to look in his eyes. You saw the same look I did."

Ben drops his head, shoulders shaking. "I didn't—deserve it—though."

"Isn't that kind of the point?" Rey asks, wiping at her own eyes.

* * *

After Poe finally returns from his debriefing, Finn pulls Poe aside.

"How's it going?"

Poe shrugs. "You tell me."

"It's devastating. This fucking waiting. Chewie's a wreck, and Leia—" Finn gulps and shakes his head.

"You were brave," Poe tells him. "I'm so sorry that you had to—"

Finn shrugs, scenes from the night flashing through his mind like slides. "It was so weird. I was so afraid, but I knew—I knew you and Rey and—you all needed me. And I didn't fall apart."

"No, you didn't," Poe agrees.

"I just wish—Han—" Finn blows out his breath and meets Poe's eyes. "I can't—I've been watching Leia sob all day. Chewie too. She doesn't deserve to lose her son too. If he doesn't make it."

"I know," Poe admits. His eyes cloud, and Finn wonders what he's thinking of—or whom. His parents?

"You can do something, and you know it. Or you can at least try," Finn insists. "If Lando hasn't already thought of it, and he might've." He grips his boyfriend's shoulder. "What would Han want? If he dies, what will he have died for? Even if Kylo—if _Ben_ —deserves to rot, and I'm not so sure he does—there's got to be a chance."

"The laws aren't so forgiving," Poe says.

"Work with them," Finn pleads. "Not even for Ben. For Leia. For Rey. For Han." He pulls him close and rests his cheek against Poe's.

"I love you," Poe whispers, holding Finn. "I was so scared for you. Last night."

"You were scared?"

Poe pulls back and nods, eyes watering. "Yeah."

Finn covers Poe's mouth with his, kissing away the nightmare.

"Excuse me," a female voice interrupts. "I'm Dr. Kalonia."

Leia blanches. "Is he—?"

"Your husband's alive. For now. He's intubated and he lost a lot of blood—we had to give him four transfusions."

"Will he—?" Chewie begins.

"I don't know." Dr. Kalonia bites her lip. "It's too soon to say. If he makes it through the night, then I'd say he's got a fighting chance. At this point, there's nothing more we can do except wait."

* * *

When Rey leaves and Agent Calrissian tells him he has another visitor, Ben knows who it is without Agent Calrissian dropping the name.

"Do you want me to let her in?" The man raises his eyebrows.

Ben nods, even though he doesn't. He's afraid. He wishes the guards weren't here, wishes she were able to beat him up so he'd at least _know_ what was in her mind, no have to suffer through the forced calm he'll no doubt endure, and the questions that scream from it.

His mother steps into the small room, eyes sunken and deep lines riddling her face, lines that Ben knows he, no doubt, caused. He wants to duck under the table, curl up, hide, but there's nowhere for him to conceal himself. His guilt, his shame—he gave up the right to hold it in the moment he decided to stop the Starkiller project.

What can he even offer her? An apology is just words. Hopeless words.

She starts. She speaks. "Ben."

He doesn't want to, but he knows he needs to. He owes it to his mother to at least look her in the eyes, so she can see what he's become. "I'm so—I'm— _Mom_."

"You're okay," she says, looking at him like he's a miracle, nor a monster.

Ben shakes his head. "Is he—is—"

"He's alive. For now. The doctors say we have to wait and see." She shakes her head. "The odds aren't in his favor."

"I love him," he sobs.

"I _know_ you do, Ben." She gasps. "I just—I haven't seen you in so long—I was so scared for you—"

"When you found out I was Kylo Ren—"

"I was so _scared_ ," she repeats.

"You didn't hate me?" In his worst nightmares, in the moments he tossed and turned, in the seconds he stood over his pool and stared through the crystal clear water at the bottom, he pictured her swearing, disowning her piece of trash son who clearly never listened to her, who clearly was a sociopath now. _I never was, I never was._

" _Never_. I was angry, yes, Ben, I was furious. At you, but also at Snoke, at myself, at your father—" Her voice trembles. "We should have done more."

"I thought you—why didn't you look for me? When I ran away?"

"We _did_. Privately, to protect you—Ben, there were threats on your life because of me. I felt so guilty. The last thing a mother ever wants is to realize she's put her child in danger, and when you were gone—I sent you away because I thought it would _protect_ you, but I was wrong, I know it now." She inhales. "When we found out you were gone, I paid so many PI's—and none of them ever found you. I had nightmares of you dying alone, of you trying to survive on the streets by any means necessary—"

"Snoke took me in," Ben confesses, glancing at her as his stomach tightens.

She shakes her head as if disgusted with herself, and her guilt—it knits Ben together with her, a cord they both share, even if it's somewhat misapplied in her case. "Of course."

"I thought you didn't love me. I thought you were glad to be rid of me."

"Ben, you could—you could have murdered your father yourself—"

"Didn't I, though? I beat him. I ordered him beaten, and then I—I—if it weren't for me—"

"No, you didn't! You did all that, yes, but I know it and—you could have done far worse. You could have come up with the Starkiller idea on your own, you could have joined that group—and I would _still_ love you. Your father, he'd still love you. Neither of us—you don't understand yet, Ben, because you don't have children. When you do, you'll understand. I won't deny what you've done, but _you'll always be my son._ You'll always be your _father's_ son."

"Mom," he chokes out. "I love you."

"I know," she answers, voice soft and embracing, because she can't hold him with her arms. "Snoke asked you to change your name, didn't he?"

Ben nods. "I tried to kill myself," he says quietly. "Snoke suggested I changed my name when he took me to the hospital. To Kylo Ren. He saved me, or so I thought—so I—I thought he cared."

_Why would you trade something freely given for something you have to earn?_

Mom moans, her hand covering her forehead.

"He knew all along, didn't he?" Ben asks, the realization punching him in the gut. "He knew it'd make me harder to find—he knew you were looking—"

"Probably," she agrees. "Snoke's resented me since… so many years. He thought he could control me, since he was like my uncle growing up—he helped jump-start my own career, and when I started questioning him, he—he viewed it as a betrayal." She swallows, staring at her hands, knuckles swollen from arthritis. "I imagine he thought it an appropriate payback to steal my son from me."

 _It was a kidnapping. Like a cult leader, he manipulated you._ All his insistence that he wouldn't go home because he wasn't weak—it all stemmed from weakeness. Ben wants to melt into his chair. "The death threats—were they from him?"

Mom shrugs. "Possibly. Some of them. I have… recent reason to believe so, yes."

"I knew it was wrong. The entire time. What Snoke had me do. I tried to make myself believe otherwise—but it was wrong, all of it. Dad tried—"

_Ben!_

_If only I'd listened._ He clenches his fists in agony.

"He didn't give up on you, Ben. His actions last night prove that," she insists, bringing him up for air.

"I know," he admits. _We have so many years to catch up on_.

Most of them, he knows, she won't like.

But she loves him still.

"I need you," he chokes out, knowing that he has no right to ask it of her, and yet it's the phrase he's been trying to show her since he was a child. _Even if he dies, I need you. Please._

Her eyes tear up, and some of the lines in her face ease. "I'm right here."

* * *

"So," Poe says as he strides in to meet with Ben late in the evening, after Finn's finally cajoled Rey into leaving and Luke's headed over to the hospital to keep Leia and Chewie company.

"I should've known you'd come," Ben mutters.

"I haven't come to gloat."

"I didn't think you would." Ben meets Poe's eyes with a sad smile.

"Look," Poe says. "Whatever I say, I can't guarantee."

"Is Rey okay?"

"Finn drove her back to snuggle with Beebee and sleep."

Ben nods. "Good."

"Right. Well." Poe clears his throat. "I may be a former agent, but I still have connections."

Ben's nostrils flair. "What—"

"There's still more work to be done. To take down the rest of FO Tech. To catch the Starkiller group." Poe shifts. "Lando might be considering offering you an immunity deal."

Ben shakes his head. "They don't need to do that. I'll tell them whatever they want to know—testify—do whatever they want. They don't need to offer me anything."

"Because you don't deserve it," Poe mocks, ire rising.

"I don't."

"So what? None of this is about what you deserve," Poe snaps. "It's about what your _mother_ deserves. Her son back, and while you behind bars is better than nothing, it's not exactly _great_. It's about what Rey deserves, which I'm sure you'll agree, is the world—well, a better version of the world, because this earth's a pretty fucked up place. And it's about what your father deserves, if he makes it or if he dies."

Ben gapes, his hands trembling.

"Yeah, keep looking shocked that I'm speaking the truth, and you _know_ it's the truth. Everyone's fucking left Rey, too—her parents, for starters. No, Finn and I aren't going to leave her, and neither is Leia. Or Luke. But neither should you."

Hope starts to glimmer in Ben's eyes, but he tries to blink it away. "It's not my choice."

"Not exactly, and understand that I can't promise you anything—but if they offered you some sort of deal—" Poe sighs, dragging his fingers through his hair. His scalp burns. "—would you take it?"

Ben hesitates, and then nods.

"Good. Because you should know that I love Rey like she's my little sister, and I'm gonna do what I can to make her happy. But you've got to pull your weight, too."


	20. Resurrection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe comes through, and Ben faces his biggest fear.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The incessant sound may assure Leia that her ex-husband— _was he ever really an ex anything?_ —is still alive, but she wants to tear the machine out and bash it against the wall regardless. It's a reminder that they have to monitor whether he's a live or not. It's a ticking time bomb that could go off at any moment, plunging the room into a code blue that Leia isn't even sure would be worth trying to diffuse.

Chewie snores as he hunches over in the plastic chair, too small for his body.

"Han," Leia tries, her fingers caressing his shoulder. "Han. It's me." Does she even need to tell him that?

How much can he hear?

Is he even still there, or is it just his body? What if whatever's made him Han has already fled?

"I love you," Leia tries. "I'm—all those years—" _What a waste, a damn waste._

Or was it? Maybe they needed those years apart. Maybe they needed them to grow, to realize that no matter how much they fought, how many times he left, they loved each other. They are each others' center of gravity; they will always fall back together.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"I still wear our wedding ring, you know," Leia tells him. "Of course you know. You've seen it." Han had never worn his, except on fancy occasions, but he hadn't needed to. "I don't think I'll take it off. No matter what."

_Ben._

The boy, now a man, with as much of his father in his face as Leia. The boy Han had almost fainted upon finding out he was growing inside Leia, the boy whose birth sent her husband into a flurry of tears, the child Han used to spoil and cuddle with on the couch, when Ben would fall asleep, his head on Han's shoulder and Leia would look at them and think how beautiful they were.

 _They still are,_ Leia thinks as she studies Han's sunken cheeks, the knobs of his eyes. "Han… Ben's all right. He's in custody now, but—he's all right. He's away from Snoke." Her voice trembles. "He came home. And you—" _Come home too_ , she wants to say.

But she can't.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"If you pass," Leia says. "If you go, know that he's okay. He knows you love him. He knows you forgive him, and Han, I'm so proud of you—I'm so—he's gonna be okay. I know it."

She leans over and kisses him on his cheek, because she can't reach his lips due to the breathing tube, and if she could, his lips for once wouldn't receive her. His skin is dry, like paper.

"Hey," Luke says gruffly from the doorway. "Any change?"

Leia turns to her brother, shaking her head.

"Rey and Finn will head over shortly." Luke sighs, and then blinks.

"What?" Leia asks.

"Han?" Luke gasps.

Leia whirls around as Chewie's eyes snap open, as if that name, spoken in that tone, is exactly the alarm clock he was waiting for.

And Han—his eyes blink at her with their telltale confusion and irritation. His hand, IV jutting out of it, crawls up his chest to tug at the breathing tube.

"Nurse! Doctor!" Luke shrieks, leaping out of the room.

The doctors flood the room, ushering Leia, Luke, and Chewie out. Leia's hands press against her face, a grin on her face and hope alive.

"I'll go to the station. Jail," Chewie says gruffly. "Someone's got to tell that kid. And you should stay here, both of you."

Leia wraps her arms around Chewie in an embrace.

* * *

Ben signs the documents with his legal name: Kylo Ren. It feels wrong, sliding off the ballpoint pen, like a lie in black ink, graffiti on his father's grave.

_He's not dead yet._

"We'll be in touch," Lando promises. Ben's spent the past forty-eight hours being grilled for each and every detail. He's given them access to every file he can find from FO Tech's databases. The press has somehow been shut out from the story for the past few days, in order to lure key officials from the Starkiller group into a trap. Chewie agreed to keep quiet, apparently, for now.

And now that's over, and Ben's certain that the press will be all over the story. Hopefully, his mother's reputation isn't ruined.

"Fortunately," Lando tells him, clapping him on the shoulder. "It seems the people who know Kylo Ren is Ben Solo are all in custody, or aren't the sort you need to worry about."

Ben nods. He plans to change his name back as soon as he can.

"You know," Lando says, pausing. "I used to work with your father."

Ben blinks. "What?"

"I may have fed him tidbits here and there when we were both getting started." Lando winks. "But I'll deny it if you ever say anything."

"I wouldn't."

Lando peers up into Ben's eyes. "You know, I'd say I saw Han Solo at his happiest twice in my life. The first was when he married your mother."

"Yeah," Ben says, guilt grabbing him. Because look how that turned out. Divorced, and it's all his fault.

"Kid, they may have separated, but let's be real. They still love each other. Their lives always reflect that, before they met even, during their fights, after they separated, when he was shot."

Ben shakes his head. He can't even remember this man—who does he think he is? But his anger—it's a ruse, it's a straw man burning, protecting him from the searing pain.

_He's dying because of me._

"And the second time I saw him so happy was right after you were born." Lando grips his shoulder and grits his teeth. "Don't ever doubt that."

_Why would I trust you?_

It's like Lando's trying to tell him he's worth it, and Ben knows he's not.

_Your father thinks you are._

_Rey thinks you are. So does your mother._

"Hey," says a gruff voice to the side.

 _Chewie_.

Ben gulps.

"Everything he's saying," Chewie says, nodding at Lando. "Is true."

"You can't _not_ hate me." His mother, Ben believes. Rey, he believes. Even Finn and Poe… but not Chewie. Not the man who is his father's best friend.

"Your father's awake," Chewie informs him.

"What?" Ben gapes at him.

"He's awake."

"He is?" Lando's eyes widen.

"Yeah, awake and they're talking about extubating him." Chewie smirks. "I've been waiting here all day for you to sign that goddamn plea agreement. Poe told me about it before he went to the hospital with Finn. And I'm going to bring you to him whether you like it or not."

"I _want_ to go," Ben insists, blood rushing through him. Does he? His heart constricts.

"Good. Rey's in the bathroom. She'll be right out." Chewie rolls his eyes.

"She's been waiting here?"

"Yep." Chewie nods.

"I'll stop by after work," Lando informs them.

"And, Ben," Chewie says, watching Lando stride away. "I don't hate you. I'm damn pissed at you, and to be honest it's going to be really fucking hard to forgive you. But I think I can."

"Because he lived?"

"Not hardly. Because your father isn't the type to throw his life away. All he ever wanted was you and Leia, safe and happy. He doesn't have to be in the picture, in the end." Chewie hesitates, and then wraps an arm around him. "And you're still that kid who managed to beat me at chess."

When Ben pulls back, he's smiling.

"Let's go," Chewie says, nodding as Rey appears.

"You heard?" Rey grabs Ben and he holds her against his chest.

He'd almost accepted that his father was going to die. But now—he's _alive_.

It's a second chance, it's a gift, and he doesn't deserve it like he doesn't deserve Rey.

Rey pulls him in and kisses him, and in her eyes Ben sees the person he could be as well as the person he is. In her eyes, he imagines an ocean of possibilities.

He turns to Chewie, hand entwined with Rey's. "Let's go."

The drive to the hospital is hushed. Rey checks her phone constantly. "Looks like they managed to get the breathing tube out," she reports.

"So he'll be able to talk?"

Rey studies him and brushes a lock of his hair back from his face. "Don't be afraid." _An invitation._

_What would it be like not to be afraid?_

He squeezes Rey's hand.

"Hey," Finn greets them in the hospital lobby, all sparse and neat and with the smell of hand sanitizer nipping at their nostrils. "It's good to see you… Ben."

Ben nods, ducking his head, and then Finn holds out his hand and Ben takes it.

"He's been asking for you," Finn tells him. "First words out of his mouth. Well, that and 'about time.' Don't think he liked that tube thing very much."

Rey snorts. Ben shakes his head.

"Look," Finn says as they ride the elevator to the seventh floor ICU. "Poe forgave me, okay? I know it's not quite the same thing. But your dad—I mean, I once heard someone in a church say that _love covers a multitude of sins_. Like—your mother loves you. He does too."

"I know," Ben manages. "It's just—seeing him." How can he convince his father that he loves him too? That he doesn't take with his father did lightly? That he's _sorry_?

_A slow process. Living each day at a time._

And he won't have to do it alone.

"Good luck, man," Finn says, clapping Ben on the shoulder as the elevator dings and Ben's legs petrify.

 _Ben!_ Dad had screamed that day he ordered security to beat him.

Now he wants to cry out: _Dad!_

 _Daddy!_ he'd screamed when he got lost at six years old, in a mall. And his father heard him and came swooping in, saving him.

"Hey." Rey turns to him and traces his face. She doesn't have to say any words.

The door. They're at it. Ben's feet pause as Finn slips in.

The figure in the bed, frail and so much older than Ben could have imagined, turns to him. His mother's hand grips her husband's, and Uncle Luke smiles from a corner. Poe flashes Ben a thumbs-up, and Chewie's hand pushes Ben into the room.

"Ben," Dad rasps, voice raw from the breathing tube, and Ben's façade starts to crumple. Rey lets go of his hand to wipe at her eyes.

"Come here," Mom requests.

"Let me look at you," Dad croaks.

Ben stumbles forward towards his father's side, hands clasping his father's hand, and Dad pries the other hand from Mom's grip just to stroke Ben's face yet again.

 _What do you see?_ Ben wonders. He tries to keep his expression neutral, but his mask disintegrates. _I'm a mess._ _I'm a big, fucking mess, Dad, and here I am._

"You're all right, kid."

"I'm— _you're_ all right," Ben manages. "You're—I'm so _sorry_ —I'm—" Regret wraps itself in strings around his voice, pulling it down, and he drops his head to his father's side, sobbing.

"Help me, Leia," grumbles Dad.

"With what?"

"I wanna hug my son."

"No—don't get—you shouldn't move—" But Mom's already helping lift him, and then he's embracing Ben, arms weak but strong, and his mother's embracing them both, and Uncle Luke—and then both his mother and Uncle Luke hold out an arm, beckoning for Rey to join their family.

"You did it," Ben hears Finn saying to Poe. He lifts his head just enough to see the two men wrapping their arms around each other, both crying, but not from distress.

The heart monitor beats beside them. _Beep. Beep. Beep._

They're alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone for reading! There's an epilogue tomorrow :)


	21. Just Like Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the fluff :)

**You**

**Soft and only**

**You**

**Lost and lonely**

**You**

**Just like heaven**

" **Just Like Heaven," The Cure**

* * *

_One year later_

"Until death do us part," Finn repeats.

"Good." The minister, Maz Kanata, takes a step back. "You may kiss."

Poe takes Finn's face in his and kisses him. The sun beats down on their heads, and a ring of polished gold feels smooth and new, but fitting, around his finger. Waves crash in the distance as cheers erupt around them.

Poe laughs as he pulls away from Finn. "I love you."

"I know," Finn teases as Poe lifts their hands together.

"Run off into the sunset," Rey calls, raising her bouquet of daffodils and white roses.

"Wrong time of day!" Finn says, smirking. He surveys the faces surrounding him—Leia, Han, Jess, Snap, Threepio, Luke, Chewie, Lando, so many from Alderaan House. Ben. Artoo and Beebee-Ate, as the dogs of honor, asleep.

And everyone else cheers for Finn and Poe.

"Ever think you'd get married?" Finn teases Poe as they sit together at some small tables at a restaurant overlooking the sea.

"I hoped." Poe winks.

Finn never did. Not when he was in that FO Tech program. Not when he spent days lying paralyzed by a panic he couldn't reason away. Not when Phasma thrust her elbow across his throat and threatened him. He never thought someone would want him.

When Poe proposed, Finn almost thought he was joking. He wasn't, and now they're here, and it's actually happened, and they're married.

Finn shivers, grinning at his _husband_. A year of therapy, and Finn hasn't had an anxiety attack in almost two months now.

He'll probably have another one, eventually, but Poe will be with him to hold him, wait in silence for Finn to breathe again. _I'm not alone._

"Hey," Rey says as she saunters over, wearing a soft green dress and with her hair pulled up high, accentuating her cheekbones. "Congrats."

"Don't trash the place while we're gone," Poe warns. "If we get back in a week from Hawaii and find that you and Ben have redecorated all in black and red, or thrown a rave or something, I will ban Beebee-Ate from loving you."

"Good luck with that." Rey winks.

They've assured Rey that they don't mind her continuing to live with them. Half the time, Ben stays over as well, although the other half of the time, he's been staying with his parents after selling his own house to help pay for his father's medical bills. A month ago, he finally accepted his mother's invitation and started training to be an ESL teacher as well.

" _It's hard," Finn had assured him. "But worth it."_ And it is. It may not be what Finn studied for, and he may make a fraction of the money he could be making, but smiles are payment enough. Helping people, for now, is payment enough.

"Congratulations," Leia says as she strides up to them, Han following her.

"Any secrets for a happy, healthy marriage?" Poe asks, winking.

"Yeah. Fight often," Han advises.

Leia rolls her eyes. "Oh, for God's sake."

Finn laughs. He spots Ben chatting with his uncle across the room.

"Your parents would be so proud, Dameron," Leia tells them.

"Thank you," Poe manages.

 _They'd love you,_ Poe's assured Finn. And from what Poe's told Finn about his parents, Finn's pretty sure they would have. And he would have loved them.

 _Life's cruel._ At least in some ways. In others… Finn leans in and kisses Poe.

"Hey now," Luke says, voice lowered. "I assume you're both aware of the rumors?"

Finn nods. "Of course."

"Seriously, Ben's not that great at secret keeping. It's a miracle Rey hasn't figured it out," Poe adds.

"You gonna walk her down the aisle?" Finn asks, arching his eyebrows.

"If she asks," Luke says. "Or Han will."

"You've actually been pretty great for her. You know. Once you guys resolved everything,"

Luke chortles. "Thanks, Finn." He smiles as he watches Han pull Leia onto the dance floor, watches them sway together.

A few hours of drinking and dancing later, and Finn and Poe bid goodbye. Finn grips Ben's hands and looks into his eyes. "Now or never, man."

Ben grins.

"Hawaii, here we come," Poe announces as he sinks into the limo next to Finn.

 _Future, here we come,_ Finn thinks, without any trace of fear.

* * *

Rey twirls around to face Ben. Flushed from two glasses of wine and the early evening sun, she pinches her own cheeks and wraps an arm around him. "They did it."

"Success," Ben confirms.

"See you later, kids," Han says as he approaches. He wraps Ben in a hug, and Rey wraps her arms around herself. So many tears sown over the past year, more arguments than they would have hoped, and still Han and Ben appear to be closer than even Rey would have guessed.

If her parents had lived, maybe it would have been likewise for them, for her.

Leia smiles at her, and Rey reminds herself that she _does_ have a family now. She's chosen them, but the ties are just as strong as blood.

"See you for lunch tomorrow?" Leia asks, and Rey nods.

FO Tech's been destroyed, the entire company brought down judicially by the FBI and in the court of public opinion by Han's article—proofread and adjusted by Ben's input.

" _I won't publish it if you don't want me to," Han insisted to Ben late one evening after his release from the hospital._

" _I_ do _want you to," Ben told him. "You need to. I just—I'm so—"_

Ashamed _, Rey knew._

_Han held his son against him for an hour that night, letting him cry the tears he usually only let Rey see, the tears Ben wasn't sure he deserved to cry._

Although no one's been able to track down Hux or Phasma, as each month passes, Ben's started to believe her when she tells him she loves him. He no longer gapes each time she says it. He _knows_ , now. Knows that she loves him not out of obligation, not out of a desire to fix anything because, hell, she can't fix _any_ thing, but because he's Ben and as messed up, as evil, as his actions have been, he's not all that. There's so much more to him, and he's changing. He wants to be better.

"Want to go for a walk?" Ben invites her as his parents leave, arm in arm. Luke grins at Rey, and she waves. They've begun exploring what could have been, a fatherly mentoring relationship, and now they both know it's not just what could have been, but what could _be_.

"Yup." She threads her hand through his as he leads her down the stairs towards the beach. Salt saturates the air.

"If you throw sand down my shirt, I will be pissed," he warns her. "I see that look."

"What look?" Rey asks innocently. She takes off her heels and kicks a teeny bit of sand onto his shoes. He crosses his arms, and she sees _that_ look.

"Oh, hell!" Rey takes off, running through the sand as he chases her. Not that either of them can get very far. His longer legs eventually win out, and he catches her by the waist. She shrieks, half expecting him to carry her towards the crashing surf and dump her in.

But he sets her down on the sand and drops to one knee.

_Oh my God._

"Rey," he says, looking at her as the sky hums with indigo and pink behind him. "I love you—so much. You're—the most beautiful, kind, ferocious person I've ever met, and—"

"Oh my God," Rey breathes out loud, dropping her heels. He looks up at her with his eyes glistening, and she feels like her heart's about to explode in her chest. She drops to her knees.

"What are you doing?"

 _We're on an equal level_. "Giving you an answer."

"I love you," he repeats, and she grabs him and kisses him. He gasps.

"Did you drop the ring?" Rey wonders.

He searches through the sand and holds it back up, grinning. "Found it."

Rey laughs.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you," Ben says. "I know it's cliché, but I—do. You're—"

"I say _yes_ , Ben. I want you, too. Every day. Every morning." Rey grins, sand gritty under her bare knees. "I won't throw coffee at you ever again, Decaf Boy."

"That," Ben quips as he slides the ring on her finger. "Is probably not true."

"Mm." She leans in and then falls back onto the sand, kissing him as he crouches over her, her hands roving through his hair, down his neck. Sand invades her hair and her dress. "We should probably go before we're arrested for public indecency."

"Probably," he agrees, pulling her to her feet. "We do have your apartment to ourselves tonight."

Sand snakes down her back, itchy and prickling, and Rey grimaces. "I think I get why you hate sand now."

"Well then." He smirks at her, his hair still perfect, and then he leans down and swoops her into his arms, carrying her bridal style across the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so, so much for reading. I truly appreciate all of your comments and feedback and kudoses--seriously, it's so encouraging. Special thanks to entmaid521 for the prompt!  
> I'm working on a few other projects, mostly canon-verse fics for right now. I do have a three-shot that will go up pretty soon, and a longer fic that I'll probably start posting next week (although I'm having laptop issues, so we'll see!)


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